In today’s blog post, we’ll embark on a step-by-step journey to break free from the shackles of procrastination and reignite your inner drive. No more making excuses, no more self-sabotage – just practical, proven techniques to get you back on track.

You Can’t Change What You Won’t Acknowledge

You see, most of us procrastinators are experts at hiding our behavior and making excuses when it’s called out. We’re like magicians, distracting ourselves with all sorts of activities to avoid the tasks we know we should be doing. But the truth is, procrastination is an avoidant behavior – it’s triggered by the emotions we associate with certain responsibilities, whether it’s fear, overwhelm, or just good old-fashioned aversion.

Even when people do admit to procrastinating, they don’t always get to the root of why they do it. Is it a deep-seated fear of failure? A lack of confidence in your abilities? Perhaps a stubborn streak that makes you resist anything you don’t enjoy? Whatever the reason, simply raising the white flag isn’t enough to help you stop and become more proactive. That’s why the first essential step towards breaking free from the procrastination cycle is getting real with yourself. It’s about shining a spotlight on the underlying issues that drive your avoidant behavior, so you can start addressing them head-on.

Now, I know this can be an uncomfortable process. Reflecting on our shortcomings and blind spots isn’t exactly fun. But I promise you, it’s the only way to make lasting change. Whether it’s through journaling, enlisting the help of a trusted friend, or even working with a coach or counselor, getting to the root of your procrastination is crucial. Because here’s the thing – you can’t change what you won’t acknowledge. But when you do shine that light, when you start to uncover the real reasons behind your avoidant habits, that’s when the transformation can begin. It’s not easy, but I can tell you from experience, it’s so worth it.

So, my fellow procrastination-fighters, let’s dive in. Let’s get real, get vulnerable, and start uncovering the truth about why we do what we do. Because the path to progress begins with self-awareness. Are you ready to take that first step?

Procrastination to Progress: The Mindset Shift That Changes Everything

Now let’s tackle one of the trickiest parts of this whole “getting stuff done” thing – shifting from procrastinator to proactive powerhouse. I know it can feel like you’re walking down a road you’ve never been on before, the scenery completely unfamiliar. Without a map, it’s easy to just start guessing your way forward. But I’m here to tell you, with the right mindset and a few strategic flips of the switch, you can absolutely make this transition. Because the truth is, being proactive isn’t about superhuman powers or having it all figured out. It’s all about how you view the world, and the choices you make day-to-day.

One of the biggest hurdles I see for my clients is that FOMO (fear of missing out) mentality. They see every new opportunity as something they can’t pass up, regardless of how it might distract them from their priorities. Sound familiar? Well, it’s time to flip that switch, my friends. Start analyzing how adding something new to your plate might derail the progress you’ve already made. Is this new activity or commitment really worth sidetracking yourself? Learn to say no, or at least postpone, until it truly aligns with your schedule and goals. Trust me, your future self will thank you.

And then there’s that whole “obligation” trap. When we say yes to things out of duty rather than true desire, it can create this nasty cognitive conflict that just makes us want to procrastinate even more. The solution? Flip the switch from obligation to priority. Get crystal clear on what’s most important to you. What are the non-negotiables, the things you’ll give your all to? Once you know your priorities, it becomes a whole lot easier to set healthy boundaries and skip the activities that don’t serve you.

You see, it all comes down to a shift in mindset. Proactive people don’t fear saying no – they know it’s the key to avoiding burnout and over-commitment. They have a strong sense of self, and they’re not afraid to honor their needs, even if it means disappointing others from time to time. My Flourishing Fiercely Friends, I know this transition isn’t easy. Undoing years of procrastination habits and people-pleasing isn’t something that happens overnight. But I promise you, with the right strategies and a willingness to flip those switches, you can become the focused, productive, and proactive rockstar you’re destined to be.

So, are you ready to stop guessing your way forward and take the wheel? Let’s do this thing!

Small Steps to Proactive Mindset

To get you started, here are three simple changes you can make today that will help cultivate a more proactive mindset:

• Eat that frog first thing. This classic productivity tip comes from a Mark Twain quote about getting your biggest, toughest task done very first thing in the morning, while your energy is high. That way, you’ve already achieved something meaningful before the day gets away from you. Knocking out your personal “frog” early sets the tone for a proactive, purposeful day.
• Make a plan for tomorrow today. Failing to plan really is planning to fail, isn’t it? Taking just 5-10 minutes in the evening to map out your priorities for the next day puts you in the proactive driver’s seat. Break bigger goals down into specific steps, and you’ll wake up knowing exactly what you need to accomplish.
• Solve one nagging problem. We all have those little issues or obstacles that keep tripping us up and preventing forward momentum. Get proactive by picking one and making some headway on a solution, even if it’s a small step. Actively chipping away at problems puts you in a problem-solving mindset.

These are just starting points, but being proactive is a lifestyle. It’s about taking ownership over your days, weeks, and goals through conscious choice and action. Be patient with yourself as you build this muscle!

I’ll leave you with a personal story that really resonated with me recently. At a professional development summit, there was a session called “Worthiness Within Your Wardrobe” that got me thinking more intentionally about my personal style. Now, reflecting on fashion and self-expression through clothing is pretty new territory for this typically low-maintenance gal! But the session went so much deeper than just outfits, nudging us to explore our confidence, purpose and self-love. It challenged me to get proactive about cultivating the life – and personal presence – I want to put out into the world. So I’m a work in progress, just like you! But I’m committed to getting proactive, one purposeful choice at a time. Let’s do this together, shall we?

Forging Your Unique Path to Productivity

The truth is, while there are some universal principles around procrastination and proactivity, we all need to find our own individualized solutions. What works amazingly for your coworker or family member might completely miss the mark for you. And that’s okay! The key is getting curious about yourself and seeking out the specific strategies and mindsets that click. When you finally land on an approach that feels custom-fit to your struggles and motivations, it’s a total game-changer. Suddenly, all those principles you’ve read about start making sense and you can put them into action. But how do you get to that light bulb moment?

Here are three tips that have helped me zero in on what works:

• Get specific with your searches. Instead of just looking for “how to stop procrastinating,” tailor your keywords to your particular struggles. Searches like “break the cycle of procrastinating on budgeting” or “stop putting off meal-prepping” can surface way more relevant, game-changing advice.
• Find your tribe. Thanks to the internet, you can connect with people working through the exact same challenges as you. Having that community support and pooling unique tips/strategies can be amazingly motivating.
• Date before you marry. Just because a friend swears by time-blocking doesn’t mean it’ll be “the one” for you. Have an open mind and try different approaches until you find YOUR productivity soulmate. It’s okay to move on from tactics that aren’t a fit.

The biggest mindset shift for me was realizing that overcoming procrastination and building a proactive lifestyle is a very personal journey. There’s no one-size-fits-all solution. But when you get radically self-aware and committed to experimenting, you WILL find the strategies and perspectives that finally click into place for you. That self-discovery is genuinely a game-changer!

Onward to a Proactive Mindset

We’ve explored how to break free from procrastination and cultivate a proactive mindset through self-awareness, actionable strategies, and finding your unique path. The journey requires patience, but the payoff is immense – feeling in control of your time, goals and priorities. In the next blog post, we’ll dive into building the core pillars to make your proactive transformation stick: discipline and confidence. Strengthening these two elements through practical strategies will be the one-two punch to leave procrastination behind for good.

See you next Thursday!

We’ve probably all heard about “self-esteem” as a buzzword and gotten messages from friends, family, social media, or other sources about how important it is–and that’s certainly true. Self-esteem is paramount because it’s difficult to have good mental health if you don’t have healthy self-esteem. This means that it is every bit as important as people say. But what exactly is self-esteem? And how do you cultivate it or improve it? 

While self-esteem has many components, it comes down to one thing: how you feel about yourself. Do you like yourself? Do you believe that you are worthy and valuable? Do you respect yourself and insist that others do the same? Those all contribute to healthy self-esteem (a phrasing that I tend to prefer, compared to talking about “good” vs. “bad” self-esteem, though I sometimes use those terms).  The components of self-esteem include one’s sense of identity (do you know who you are?), one’s sense of purpose (why you do what you do), a feeling of belonging, feeling secure (mentally, physically, and emotionally), and feeling competent at one or more things.

Since self-esteem is so important, it makes sense to talk about its components and what causes it to rise and fall. The various components of self-esteem–identity, belonging, security, competence, and purpose–are affected by things that happen throughout life. Having a healthy amount of all five components is necessary to have good self-esteem. You cannot have a   critically low level of one component and have healthy self-esteem no matter how high you score on the other components. Adverse events in childhood (bullying, trauma, detached parents or relatives, for example) are a common cause of low self-esteem.  Adult-onset cases of low self-esteem can also occur due to life events such as job loss, setbacks on a career or personal goal, health crises, divorce, and so forth.

Regardless of the causes of low self-esteem, for many of us, there are things we can do to improve it.  However, I also want to note that there may be times when we can’t think, read, journal, meditate, etc. our way out of low self-esteem or mental health struggles–and for those of us in that situation, it is so necessary to know that you don’t have to do it yourself.  It’s OK to reach out for help from a trusted, expert health/mental health professional. (My expertise is in coaching and I’m a true believer in the power of coaching to help folks get “unstuck” or find clarity on their goals and a roadmap to achieving them. But us coaches are also trained to recognize that coaching is not therapy or mental health care and that there are some circumstances that a licensed mental health professional is best-equipped to address.)

That’s all to say–use some of the below tips to reflect and do some “DIY” self-esteem work, but also take care of yourself and seek additional professional support and help if you need it!

Recognizing Self-Esteem

Before you can learn how to raise your self-esteem, you need to first be sure that you are dealing with low self-esteem. How can you tell if someone has low self-esteem? These are the most common symptoms, but this list is by no means comprehensive.

• Self-Criticism and Denigration. Being constantly negative and self-critical is one of the surest signs of low self-esteem. It is not okay to put anyone down, and most especially not yourself. This includes all forms of denigrating oneself, including in a joking fashion.
• Thinking Other People Are Better Than You. Every person is valuable and has inherent worth just by virtue of being human. No one person is better than any other. Feeling less than or less valuable than any other person is a flashing warning sign about low self-esteem.
• Lack of Boundaries. Some folks who struggle with boundaries tend to be chronic people-pleasers. Not being able to say “no” to something you do not want to do or take on is its hallmark, whether at work or in personal affairs. This can also show up in an inability to end or set firm rules around toxic or abusive relationships.
• Focusing On The Negatives. Is everything negative? Is there no good to be found in anything? Of course not! But when you have low self-esteem, it can seem that way. Those with low self-esteem tend to focus exclusively on the negatives and cannot see anything good.
• Fear Of Failure And/Or Criticism. The fear of failing and of not being liked are tied together in those with low self-esteem. They are often afraid to do anything for fear that they will fail. Likewise, the thought of being criticized for anything can send many with low self-esteem into a panic or a spiral of shame and self-hatred.

Interrupting And Changing Negative Thought Patterns

One of the first steps to improving your self-esteem is to interrupt the patterns that help keep it low. When you have low self-esteem, many of those thought patterns are negative. You have to interrupt those patterns if you want to raise your self-esteem. Then you have to change them. The first step in this process is to begin to pay attention to those patterns. Start noticing your self-talk. That is the way you talk to yourself about yourself. Notice what sets off a pattern of negative thoughts about yourself and where those thoughts tend to go. What sends you into a shame spiral or makes you feel worthless? What are the patterns?

Next, you have to learn to interrupt those thought patterns when they start. You have to consciously stop them and go “No–this is not true,” and add something that is true. You have to do this over and over again. Sometimes you will fail, especially at first, but you just have to keep going and try again. As you work through this process, you will begin to lay down new patterns and form new connections to replace the old.

Stop Comparing Yourself To Others

It has been said that comparison is the thief of joy. Well, it also steals self-esteem. Nothing will kill your self-esteem faster than comparing yourself to another person, especially someone you feel like you are in competition with for one reason or another.

• Remember That You Do Not Know Everything. All you know about this other person is what you see on the outside. Even if it is a friend or relative, you do not know their thoughts and feelings. There are things they do not tell you. They have struggles and challenges you know nothing about. They might even be struggling with low self-esteem themselves. (I’ve often been surprised to learn that someone who–to me–seemed abundantly and effortlessly confident was in fact having the same self-doubts about themselves that I experienced myself!)
• Avoid Your Triggers. What causes you to play the comparison game? Chances are, it only occurs in certain situations and does not happen every day. Think back to the times it has happened and see if you can spot any patterns. Look for specific people and/or specific events or social functions. When you figure out what triggers it, start avoiding those situations until you have improved your self-esteem. 

Practice Accepting Yourself

All people share certain things in common, but we are also all unique. Each human being is born with a combination of skills, talents, interests, personality characteristics, and so forth that have never been seen before and will never be seen again. When you have low self-esteem, it is unlikely that you accept this premise, and even if you do, you probably still do not think much of yourself as a unique person.

Start to change this narrative by making a list of your good qualities, strengths, and things that make you unique. After you have made the list, read it several times each day, for example once in the morning and again in the evening. Repeat it whenever you feel down on yourself.  Work on forgiving yourself for not being perfect. No one is, but somehow you have gotten it into your mind that you should be the exception and are comparing yourself to an impossible standard. Look yourself in the eyes in a mirror and say “I’m not perfect, but no one is. I’m fine the way I am.” (It might feel a bit silly or unnatural at first, but I’ve practiced affirmations and mantras more over the past few years, and it’s surprising how powerful of an effect they can have!)

Learn to let go of the things about yourself you cannot change. You cannot change the past, or your natural talents, or certain aspects of your body or personality. Stop trying. It is just going to hurt your self-esteem even more. As you do all of these things, they will slowly come to be a part of your makeup and affect your subconscious. As time passes, you will accept yourself more and more.

I’ll be honest, this work isn’t easy! It can be difficult to heal from adverse childhood or adult experiences that affect our self-esteem.  Those persistent, ingrained thought patterns are hard to disrupt. Like other aspects of self-improvement, self-esteem is a journey and building healthy self-esteem takes practice. Challenging ourselves can be good for our growth, but make sure you’re giving yourself grace and patience as well. I’ve struggled with self-esteem too, though I’m proud of the progress that I’ve made–with the support of friends, family, colleagues, coaches, and mentors–and I’ve seen how better self-esteem gives me the confidence I need to step up to my full potential in my work and in my business.  What wins are you celebrating in your self-esteem and self-improvement journey?      

 But what is self-reflection, exactly? Self-reflection is the act of evaluating our own thoughts, feelings, behaviors, and actions to better understand ourselves. Self-reflection is an excellent tool to evaluate any circumstance we find ourselves in to consider our role in the situation and what’s in our control to do differently in the future. Looking within helps determine what we may be doing in any given situation that is causing us friction in our lives. Self-reflection can help with:   

• Better understanding your current situation
• Helping you take ownership of the situation
• Making an effective plan to improve or take action on something
• Setting healthier boundaries with others
• Increasing your self-esteem

It may not seem natural to evaluate yourself and look for ways you can change, but it is a powerful way to improve your health, relationships, and overall quality of life. Understanding that you have the power to analyze your role in nearly every scenario and situation you’re in can help you grow, mature, and live a healthier life.

Looking Back is Just as Important as Looking Forward

We’ve all heard the encouraging mantras designed to keep us moving forward in life: “keep your eyes on the prize,” “inhale the future, exhale the past,” “the windshield is larger than the rearview mirror,” and so on. These powerful statements are designed to motivate you to leave the past behind you and focus on the future.

Looking forward is important. In some ways it’s true, you can’t change or control the past, but perhaps you can change and control the future. When we feel stuck, scared, or overwhelmed trying to manage life, it’s important to keep moving forward. Step by step, we can overcome any setbacks and achieve our goals. Some great ways to keep moving forward include:

• Take it one day at a time. Don’t overwhelm yourself with too much at once. Making changes in any area of life isn’t easy. Take one day at a time and be proud of your progress.
• Stay positive. Your mindset is powerful. If you adopt a positive mindset about change you can manage the bumps in the road as a necessary part of evolution.  (Having said that, know that it’s also OK to feel frustrated, “stuck,” or sad sometimes too. “Positivity” shouldn’t be a source of stress or something you feel pressure to maintain if it’s not your authentic mindset in any particular moment.)
• Slow and steady is the perfect pace. Taking things one day at a time can help you keep a steady pace with change and keep your eyes focused ahead towards progress.

Looking forward is important and powerful when it comes to making changes or reaching your goals, but there are times when looking back before going forward is actually just as, or even more, important.

We often discourage looking back thinking it’s useless when it comes to progress. Dwelling on the past or ruminating over things that have already happened is often seen as a waste of time, but to a degree, it’s important and helpful.  Looking back will help you better understand yourself: We often live our lives moving forward but understand them looking back. Self-reflection provides an opportunity for analysis on our thoughts, behaviors, and attitudes. This can help us better understand why we act, react, or do the things we do. Looking back can help us determine if we want to do things differently moving forward.

Looking back can also figure out if there are patterns or habits that aren’t serving you anymore–and give you a starting point to change those patterns. We all have some regrettable memories in our past, times that maybe we missed the mark or suffered an unexpected outcome. In the moment, we may not have realized how our behaviors or thoughts would impact the situation but looking back it’s evident. Self-reflection can help us recognize where we contributed to an unwanted outcome and make a better plan moving forward.

While it’s very important to keep moving forward when it comes to change, it’s also important to strategically look back to evaluate and analyze what needs to change for a successful future. Self-reflection is an excellent tool that can keep you from taking one step forward and two steps back.  But how does one self-reflect? What does that process look like?

Asking Open-Ended Introspective questions? The Key to Healthy Self-Reflection

Knowing that self-reflection is a good idea is the first step, the second is discovering how to self-reflect.

• Self-Reflection Requires You to Pause. In order to self-reflect, you’ve got to get quiet. Healthy and effective introspection requires hitting the pause button and stopping the chaos long enough to get a clear head that can process important information. Getting quiet and concentrating on yourself is important so you can uncover the ways you may be getting in your own way and falling short of your goals, hopes, and dreams. One of the best ways to self-reflect is asking yourself open-ended questions. Asking these types of questions can help you fill in the blanks or explore things in a deeper way. Here are some examples of questions that are great for introspection: What motivated my actions? What factors contribute to this recurring pattern? What prompted their reaction towards me? What shapes my current thought processes? By inquiring into motivations behind your actions this can help you stop and think about the things that trigger you into behaviors or habits you want to change or wonder why certain things keep happening. It’s important to look for clues that alert you to what’s going on deep down.
• Keep a Journal to Help with the Process. Journaling is a great way to keep track of your self-reflection and understand the reasons behind the situations and outcomes you experience. You can simply ask yourself exploratory questions and record your thoughts in your journal. Over time you can see patterns develop and use them to make changes. Journaling has helped me get my thoughts and feelings down on paper, and I’ve found that sometimes the act of writing something out lets thoughts flow that might otherwise not have surfaced if I was simply mulling things over in my head. (I have lots more thoughts about journaling–look out for that as a blog-series topic in a future month soon!)   

If you’re ready to do some healthy self-reflection, start by asking yourself some open-ended introspective questions? These questions have the power to unlock a world of information that can help you change the way you think and act, making it easier to achieve your goals.

I hope this post has given you some insight into why self-reflection is an important part of self-improvement and how to begin self-reflecting. If you’re still feeling a bit stuck, coaching can be a great way to kick-start self-reflection with some support and a framework (coaches are trained and skilled at asking some of those “powerful questions” that prompt self-reflection) but the beauty of self-reflection is that you can do it anytime, anywhere, and with anyone or in solitude with yourself–whatever approach feels right for you. Try taking a few moments this week to self-reflect, and feel free to let me know what you learn and how it feels! 

But how do we do that, exactly? What does it mean, to have a “strength,” and how can we identify and make the most of them?      

Strengths and Passions Aren’t the Same Thing

When it comes to strengths, they aren’t the same as passions. Strengths are attributes that each of us has that come easily and may set us apart or give us an advantage. Passion is a focus of energy into an activity that goes well beyond what is usually required. Strengths pertain more to abilities while passions are associated with interests.

• You Can Have Strengths that Aren’t Passions. You can have abilities and strengths that aren’t passions. You may be extremely organized but have no passion for organization. For some, being organized is simply utilitarian. You can also find the chemistry of cooking very easy but prefer to get take-out. Every tall person doesn’t want to play basketball, and so on.
• You Can Have Passions that Don’t Include Your Strengths. Sometimes our passions don’t include our strengths. We may be passionate about dance but have two left feet. We could be intrigued and love art but have no ability to draw. Passions don’t require perfection as much as they require interest. Sometimes our strengths develop when we pursue our passions out of the exposure that comes from engaging in a passion project. You may be able to learn to draw as you dive deeper into your love for art.          
• Sometimes Passions and Strengths Collide. Sometimes we breathe the rare air where our passions, talents, and strengths combine. Under these circumstances our passions jive with our skill sets and we can wonderfully, effortlessly, and seamlessly create or engage in the things we are passionate about.
• Pursue Passions and Strengths Equally. Even though passions and strengths are not the same, they deserve to be pursued and celebrated equally. Considering what strengths you have and choosing to maximize them and play them to your advantage is smart, but it’s equally important to pursue your passions whether they encompass all of your strengths or not.

Your strengths and your passions add to your personal enjoyment in life and your self-esteem. Doing things that come easily or building a life and career around things you do well… and are passionate about, is ideal. This is a true form of working smarter, not harder. In the end, if you focus on doing things you love, whether you are great at them or not, you’ll increase your overall satisfaction in life, reducing depression, anxiety, and increasing your sense of personal satisfaction.

Tools To Identify Your Top Strengths

Everyone has strengths, though not everyone is aware of them. Knowing your top strengths can increase self-awareness and make it easier to make wise decisions in your best interest. Strengths are innate abilities that give us an advantage and generally require little effort. We have strengths in all areas of life, including:

• What we know – knowledge based strengths
• What we do – transferable skill sets
• Who we are – personal abilities

Knowledge based strengths give us an edge: the more you know about a specific subject, the more advantage you have. Specialized training, education, and hands-on experience all enhance knowledge. Transferable skills set us apart. What you can do easier and better than others gives you an advantage. Whether you have an innate talent for artistry or have mastered public speaking over time, your talents become an asset that sets you apart.  Personal abilities come from within: you were born with personal character traits and a unique personality that operates like no one else. This couples with your personal life experience and shapes how you view and operate within the world. The combination of your mindset and unique perspective affords you with special skills and talents others don’t have.

Assessing your Strengths

If you aren’t certain what strengths you have in these areas, there are tools you can use to find out. Taking a moment to discover your strengths can help you develop them further and use them to your advantage as well as help you notice any deficits you may want to overcome. Here are some easy resources to use that will identify your strengths.

• Strengthsfinder Testing. There are a range of tests that break down strengths into categories and offer a range of your top skill sets. High 5 Tests is a free online test that uses a rating scale to assess skills and generate your top five skill sets.
• Meyers Briggs Test.This test is a time-honored test designed to help people identify how they see the world and make decisions. The test is a self-reporting questionnaire style test and results in assigning a combination of categories that represent introversion or extroversion, sensing or intuition, thinking or feeling, judging or perceiving.

Knowing your strengths gives you an advantage and helps you capitalize on the things you do well. Taking the time to assess your strengths makes sense when there are a wide variety of tools available.

Hidden Strengths You May Not Give Yourself Enough Credit For

There are strengths we possess that seem obvious. Thanks to formal education, we generally know areas where we are gifted. We usually know if we are strong in math, science, art, reading, writing, or other subjects.  Our careers often highlight our transferable skills. Based on our work, we know what skill sets we have that come easier for us than others. We may be excellent at conflict resolution, marketing, communication, or leadership, but we often have hidden strengths we may not give ourselves credit for.

Our personal abilities tend to be character traits, behaviors, and innate ways of being that seem so normal we don’t value them as strengths…but they are!  Here’s why:

• Your personality can be a strength
• Your character can be a strength
• Your habits can be a strength

These types of strengths tend to be downplayed because they feel like core values and tenants and may not be considered traditional strengths, but they have immense value and add to your skill sets. Here’s how:

• Your Personality Has the Potential to be a Powerful Strength. When you have a healthy personality, it is definitely an advantage. From having a great sense of humor to having empathy for others, your personality can make a large difference in how you get along with others. People who are easy to be around and generate positive energy have an easier time in work and in the community.
• Your Character Has the Potential to be a Powerful Strength. The strength of your character and how you carry yourself can be a significant strength. Having a strong moral compass or refusing to gossip can set you apart from other people. Great leaders tend to have strong character which helps them build solid teams and earn trust from their subordinates. In your personal life, strong character can help you keep healthy friendships and raise healthy families.
• our Habits Have the Potential to be a Powerful Strength. Your good habits are part of what brings you success. From being organized to the ability to create and stick to a schedule, there are unlimited habits that give you an edge. These habits easily translate to strengths you may not be aware of. You may be committed to a healthy eating lifestyle or make exercise a mandatory part of your daily life. These unique habits are strengths that should be considered when thinking about what sets you apart from others. When you think about it, there are probably many hidden strengths you haven’t given yourself enough credit for. It’s time to recognize them as assets and maximize them to their fullest.

I hope this post has given you some ideas for how to recognize and optimize your existing strengths! I know it’s not always easy…especially when our “inner critic” tries their best to make us doubt our strengths!  I had my own “aha” moment years ago when I realized that training and meeting facilitation are some of my biggest strengths.  Being a more introverted person, for a long time I associated facilitation with public speaking, which is an area where I didn’t feel so strong or confident. But I realized that being a good facilitator is as much about listening as it is about speaking–maybe even more so–and one of my hidden strengths was my ability to listen, synthesize information, and make my audience feel heard. Since then, I’ve “optimized” that strength–so much that I not only use it in my day job but I built a business around it.  What are some of your existing strengths and how will you make the most of them?    

“Emotional Intelligence“

After lunch, we got right back a full afternoon with a session on:  “Leading from the Inside-Out: Growing Your Emotional Intelligence” with Black Women Leading Coach Sunnette Thompson. Sunnette defined Emotional Intelligence as: 1) the ability to recognize our feelings and those of others; 2) the capacity to motivate self; and 3) the ability to manage emotions in ourselves and relationships.  Key elements of Emotional Intelligence include self-awareness, self-regulation, motivation, empathy and relationship management; and we discussed the importance of “leading from within” with self-awareness and self-regulation. 

 I left the session with some powerful reflections on how this discussion applied to me and my leadership style, both in my full-time job and in my coaching and facilitation practice.  How am I using emotional intelligence as I am leading?  Am I using it? How can I do better?  How can I exercise, build and grow this muscle?

“Relationship Management“

For my readers who attend conferences or all-day work meetings regularly, you might be like me: every time I’m at a conference, I feel that post-lunch energy slump coming on mid-afternoon, like clockwork.  However, at this conference, I quickly realized there was no danger of that happening! Black Women Leading founder Laura Knights took the stage for the next session, on relationship management, and she kept the energy level at 100%!  Laura talked about the concept of “influence” and how influence really means driving action and results.  We can build our influence through relationship management, personal branding, a visibility strategy, and self-advocacy.  Managing relationships is about intentionally building connections with others, learning how to positively influence interactions, navigating through difficult situations, and actively monitoring them for mutual benefit to both parties.  Laura also talked about self-awareness about adaptations like code switching, the mirroring danger and belonging.     

I really appreciated that Laura built time into her session for small-group discussion among our tables.  She asked us to consider and share with our table-mates some of the following questions:

• How are you currently using your influence at work?
• How are you utilizing the relationships within your reach to achieve your professional goals?
• How can I create win-win relationships that will benefit me as well as them?

I’ll admit, heading into this particular session, I wasn’t sure at first what new things I might learn–even though I was confident that I would hear something thought-provoking, since I always do when Laura presents!  Relationship management is an ever-present topic for me. You could even say that I live and breathe relationship management in my full-time job.  On an almost daily basis, it’s critical to the success of my community economic development work that I build and maintain relationships with a diverse range of collaborators: staff who I supervise, executive leadership who supervise me, external parties like funders of our work, and both senior leadership and frontline staff at our community-based nonprofit partners.  

My business wouldn’t be successful without relationship management, either. Trust and strong relationships are absolutely fundamental to a productive coaching dynamic, and it’s of utmost importance to me that I maintain solid relationships with my consulting, facilitation, and training clients too.  But I hadn’t thought much about how relationship management connected to influence or what it means to cultivate influence.  I realized I’d always thought of “influence” as the domain of powerful people in high-profile roles, like CEOs and politicians–but Laura’s session made the light bulb go off in my head that we all have opportunities to cultivate influence each and every day.  This quote that Laura shared especially resonated with me, and it’s something I’m still sitting with now that I’m back home:  

“Influencing is everything we say or don’t say, do or don’t do, are or are not, that modifies, affects, or changes someone else’s behavior, thoughts or actions, consciously, or unconsciously, for good or ill”.  –Anonymous

“Personal Branding”

Of course, while on-site at Black Women Leading LIVE, I didn’t have much time to sit with that quote or my thoughts because we rolled straight into the next session on “ Being on Brand: Personal Branding for Career Growth,” led by none other than my coach from my time in the Black Women Leading leadership development program, Summer Alexander.  It was great to connect with Summer again, and to know that the entire summit audience would have the opportunity to benefit from some of the knowledge and wisdom that I knew she would share.  Some of the gems that Summer dropped included:

• As it relates to the workplace, your personal brand is the external perception of how your peers and leaders view you, based on how you consistently present yourself.
• Benefits of building your brand include differentiation, influence, career development and strong reputation.
• Four pillars of a personal brand are implementation, strategy, self-management, and  self-awareness. 
• Strategy without implementation is a waste of time, energy and the piece of paper you wrote it on.  (Having spent most of my career in the nonprofit sector where we can sometimes get bogged down in studies and strategic plans, I felt this takeaway in my soul! )
• Consistency is key when it comes to your personal brand.
• You have to know what the core of you is and know your brand.
• We have to own our own narrative. 
• Brand components include values & beliefs, skills & expertise, personality & style and strengths & opportunities.
• Be so good that they can’t ignore you.

I’ll confess, this is a topic where I am definitely still growing!  My mindset through much of my nonprofit career has been to stay behind the scenes, in service of elevating our community partners and not myself.  I had to make a major shift when I became an entrepreneur and realized that my personal brand would be critical to my success in my business–and ultimately to expanding my ability to transform organizations and change lives through my work with my clients.  I’m still a work in progress here, but Summer left us with four actions to develop a brand that positions you to accomplish your career goals:  assess your brand, boost your brand, consistency is key, and decide your journey. 

Winding Down An Inspiring Day

The day ended with a session called “Lessons from the C-Suite” with Janara Jones (Vice President – Global Taxes and Chief Tax Officer at Albemarle Corporation) and Dorri McWhorter (President & CEO of YMCA of Metropolitan Chicago).  I didn’t take notes, just listened and absorbed as these incredibly accomplished women shared about their journeys to the C-Suite.  It reminded me that our career journeys are not linear:  we get to choose which path we want to take and there’s nothing wrong with going after what you want for yourself and your career. 

True to Laura Knights’ promise that we’d have plenty of opportunities to take advantage of the “retreat” portion of the retreat and conference, our evening activity was a Dinner Cruise and we absolutely made the most of it.  Perfect weather, good food, good company, a little dancing–what more could a group of powerful, creative, energized women ask for?  We even sang a bit of Mary J. Blige in unison! 

As you can see, it was a jam-packed day of knowledge, growth, and building community with my fellow summit participants! There’s so much to share that I have yet more to write about in next week’s blog.  But for now, I want to conclude by giving a HUGE shout-out to Sandria Washington, who served as the emcee for the entire conference.  It’s a more nuanced and involved role than many people think it might be.  The emcee has to provide the transition between sessions, confidently speak before an audience of hundreds, introduce other high-powered speakers and session leaders, and share important “housekeeping” information about the agenda and conference logistics like break times and restroom location.  A truly great emcee also finds a way to keep the audience energized and engaged throughout.  Sandria had such an incredible way of connecting with the audience and getting us into the right mindset to receive what was in store for each day and each session. 

I’m definitely going to draw inspiration from Sandria’s energy in some of my future training and facilitation gigs! Until next week, I’ll leave you with a little “insider” clip of our impromptu singing during the dinner cruise and hope it brings you some of the joy we were all channeling that evening.  (And none other than Dorri McWhorter from the afternoon’s “C-Suite” panel joined right in–talk about a CEO who’s driving impact in her community, inspiring the next generation of Black women leaders, and having fun while doing it!)