This season has been full in many good ways. I am continuing to grow Mission ENSPIRE, preparing for speaking engagements and managing the responsibilities of my leadership role in my day job. None of these things are new to me, and none of them are unwelcome. In fact, they are deeply aligned with my purpose. But alignment does not automatically guarantee sustainability, and that is where I have had to pause.

As leaders, especially as women who lead in multiple spaces, we often become very skilled at carrying a lot. We know how to show up. We know how to deliver. We know how to hold space for others while quietly managing our own expectations and responsibilities in the background. Over time, that capacity becomes something people rely on. Sometimes we rely on it too.

But just because we are capable does not mean we are always operating within healthy capacity.

I have learned that when my energy begins to shift, it rarely announces itself in dramatic ways. It does not usually look like burnout in the way we imagine it. More often, it shows up as subtle irritability, or a slower pace in my creativity, or a feeling that even meaningful work requires more effort than usual. It is less about collapse and more about erosion. And that is usually my signal to pay attention.

Recently, I did what I would describe as a quiet energy audit. I did not overhaul my calendar or make sweeping declarations. Instead, I asked myself a few honest questions. Where am I feeling energized right now? Where am I feeling stretched? Are there commitments I have taken on out of habit rather than intention? Are there places where I am defaulting to availability instead of alignment?

What I noticed was not catastrophic, but it was instructive. There were small “yeses” that did not fully reflect this season. There were moments where I had extended myself simply because I could. There were areas where I had not clearly defined what was mine to carry and what was not. None of those things were inherently wrong. But collectively, they were costly.

Energy, I am realizing more deeply, is not just about sleep or rest days, although those matter. It is about stewardship. It is about recognizing that my leadership, my creativity, my clarity and even my presence with my family are all connected to how well I manage what I allow to draw from me.

This month, I have been reflecting on this topic even more intentionally because I am one of the speakers inside MEE Month, and Week 2 of the experience focused on Energy. My session is titled Stop Pouring From an Empty Cup: Energy Boundaries for Women Who Lead, and in it I explore many of these same questions from a coaching perspective.

Even though Energy Week has passed, the sessions are available throughout the month, and I wanted to share this with you because I know how easy it is to normalize depletion when you are competent and committed. In my session, I talk about recognizing where energy is quietly leaking, setting boundaries that are sustainable rather than reactive, and reframing self-care not as indulgence but as leadership strategy.

If you have been feeling slightly off, slightly stretched, or simply more tired than your schedule seems to justify, this conversation may resonate with you.

As I continue reflecting on energy and alignment, I am also beginning to notice how closely connected this topic is to perfectionism. Sometimes we overextend not because we lack boundaries, but because we are trying to meet an internal standard that keeps moving. We tell ourselves we just need to do a little more, refine a little more, prove a little more.

This is not the first time I have wrestled with this tension. In From Perfectionist to Progress-Seeker: Embracing the Imperfect Journey, I began exploring what it means to loosen the grip of perfectionism. Next month, I want to explore that more fully and talk about what it really means to move from perfectionism to progress, and how releasing unrealistic standards can restore not only our confidence, but our capacity. Because protecting your energy is one step. Learning to stop holding yourself to impossible expectations may be the next.

Use Meditation to Create Awareness

There are many ways to interpret and define the concept of awareness. For our purposes, let’s look at this term as it relates to self-development and growth. Awareness refers to the unbiased power of observation, without self-influenced thoughts or perceptions getting in the way. As humans, we are inherently biased to view the world through our own lens. We make meaning of the world around us through our own filters, and sometimes those filters are heavily clouded by false notions, low self-worth or misunderstanding. To be aware is to grasp the meaning of an event, circumstance or experience through a clearer lens, absent of as much bias as is possible. It is to see things as they are. In order to reach this capability, you need to be present in the moment and to block out distractions such as your inner negative self-talk. One of the most effective methods for gaining unadulterated awareness is to employ a practice of meditation. You’ll discover how you can use meditation to create awareness by reading the benefits it brings listed below.

• Brings the Present to Focus. In order to become more aware and to notice things in the present as they truly are, things that others might miss, you need to cultivate mindfulness. Mindfulness is the art of experiencing the present moment, or the here and now. With so many worries and obligations, most of us are thinking of a million things throughout our day. When we have such distractions clouding our thoughts, it’s impossible to be fully aware. Our senses become dulled, and we miss what is occurring in the moment. Meditation helps to clear the mind and train your brain to eliminate the clutter.
• Clears the Clutter. Meditation comes in various forms. It truly doesn’t matter which type you utilize, as long as you engage in some form on a regular basis. It takes practice to learn to filter out the useless noise of your mind and learn to focus on the present. An easy way to begin is to simply sit in a quiet space with your eyes closed and take deep breaths in and out. Focus on just your breathing. If a stray thought enters your mind, it’s okay to take note of it. Then push it aside to return to your breathing. This will require practice, but soon you’ll find yourself easily ignoring the clutter in your brain and focusing on your breath or other chosen object.
• Gain Control. So many of us allow our thoughts and impulses to control us. We react to every emotion and are thrown into a state of chaos with the slightest bit of upheaval. You may recognize yourself in these statements. If so, know that meditation can help you to gain control over your thoughts, fears and emotions. With this control comes greater awareness without bias. Your mind and its contents are your tools. You are in charge of how you use them. As you practice meditation, you will note this transformation occurs gradually. It is an incredibly empowering realization to know you are in control.

Meditation can take many forms and variations.  Some folks combine physical movement with a meditation and mindfulness practice–for example, doing yoga or tai chi.  Meditation can intertwine with prayer if you have a spiritual practice, or it can be completely secular.  However you choose to personalize your practice, meditation can increase and enhance your awareness. Becoming more aware of your world as it truly is, rather than viewing it through a clouded lens, is essential to any successful self-growth path.

Get in the Habit of Giving Yourself a Pep Talk

Because the way we think has such an effect on our feelings and behaviors, it would make sense to place a great deal of emphasis on improving those thoughts. Learning to recognize negative self-talk and transform those messages into more positive, realistic statements can be daunting. However, it’s definitely an activity worth pursuing for its returns on the investment. Another extremely powerful method for overriding the toxicity of intrusive thoughts is to use regular affirmations to remind yourself of what’s good and wonderful about you. When you get in the habit of giving yourself a pep talk every day, you’ll soon start to believe the words you are saying and internalize them as truth. The magnificent transformation this small change in behavior can bring is astounding. Check out some of the benefits of self-affirmations, how they work and how these positive recitations can change your life. 

• About Positive Affirmations. Affirmations are positive statements that are used to enhance and help solidify beliefs. They can be written down or recited verbally. What’s important about these sentences is that they are concise and personally meaningful. The goal in utilizing these short statements as tools is to affirm them to ourselves or to practice repeating them until we believe them. Repeated exposure to a message can be quite influential. Consider the impact the negative messages you repeatedly feed yourself has had on your psyche. Those toxic effects can be combated through exposure to positive messages. The use of simple affirmations such as, “I am worthy of love,” or “I am capable in my work,” can be used to help you impact a number of areas in your life. Use positive affirmations or pep talks to overcome habits that you’re trying to change, move forward in your career or become more confident, along with countless other purposes.
• How They Work. Learning anything well enough that it comes entrenched in your mind or habitual involves repetition. That is the premise behind affirmations. It is the repeating of these upbeat and affirming phrases that helps you to internalize them. Essentially, repetition of anything will reprogram your brain’s circuits in order to change the new into the familiar. By stating your daily mantras over and over again, you are hardwiring your brain to accept them as truth. Hence, you believe them and then you start to live them. Just as your old self-sabotaging thoughts held you back, these new energizing ones can propel you forward in a myriad of ways.
• How to Use Them. First, brainstorm the areas in which you feel you could use the most positivity in order to break free of self-limiting beliefs. Make a list. Then choose two or three areas that are most important to you and write down a handful of phrases in each category. Keep the ones that most resonate with you and use them as your daily affirmations. Keep this list handy so you can pull it out whenever you need a quick pep talk, but also choose a time each day to sit with your words and recite them. You can do this silently to yourself or read them out loud for more effect. Many people embark on this practice first thing in the morning, as they find it’s a great way to start the day on a high note. Some prefer other times that are more in sync with their lifestyle. The choice is yours.

Getting in the habit of giving yourself a pep talk by reciting your affirmations is one of the most empowering acts you can do when it comes to growing as a person. Be sure to stick with the habit for at least 30 days and be consistent. You’ll gradually begin to notice a transformation in your thoughts and behaviors like you never could have expected.

One of my favorite things about meditation and affirmations is that you can do them anywhere. Sure, a getaway like a retreat or a beautiful setting like a beach can help set the mood for cultivating a positive mindset–I have great memories of how powerful it was to participate in group affirmations at the Black Woman Leading LIVE summit last spring, or how peaceful it was to dial in to my thoughts while on the beach one evening listening to the waves during that same retreat trip–but I find it just as easy and beneficial to practice meditation and affirmations in the “everyday” environment of my own home. I hope this January series has given you some inspiration and ideas to get started on cultivating your positive mindset and setting your self-growth goals for the year. Stay tuned for next week’s post as we move to a new theme for February!

Surround Yourself With Other Positive Minds

Reaching for new goals takes a lot of dedication. You need to keep your desired end result in view if you want to stay motivated. When striving to develop a positive mindset, you can do this by choosing the people you allow into your circle carefully. By intentionally cultivating a circle of others who are similarly committed to a positive mindset, you can help reinforce some of your thinking and habits. Surround yourself with other positive minds, and you’re bound to become more positive yourself.

Now, before I dive into this point a bit more, I do want to acknowledge that, realistically, everyone can’t always maintain a positive attitude 100% of the time. We all hit rough patches now and then–some that last longer than others–and being there to listen and support a friend or family member going through a tough time is an important part of maintaining authentic relationships. In other words, I’m definitely not advocating that anyone ditch friends or family for not maintaining relentless, constant positivity.  (It’s not realistic for us to expect ourselves to be positive no matter what, either!)

But when reflecting on a positive mindset, I’ve learned over the years that it can help to intentionally examine the folks you surround yourself with and think about where boundaries might be helpful. For example, we all have friends or family that we’ve supported through a tough time. Many of us might also have friends of family that, when we really think about it, we realize that they’re negative, cranky, or critical more often than not–and that over time, in turn, this energy can be emotionally draining on us and derail us from our own self-growth and positivity.  When that happens, sometimes it’s helpful to limit our time spent around those folks and look for more positive people to surround ourselves with. So, what are some of the benefits of connecting with others who have that positive mindset?

• They Motivate You. Making changes in your life requires motivation. What better way to motivate yourself to look on the bright side of things than to hang out with positive thinking people? You’ll observe them in action, picking up clues as to what makes them such outgoing and upbeat folks. You may even discover that you begin modeling similar behavior without even realizing it. People who see the glass as half full are more likely to encourage you when you tell them about your dreams, and nothing is more motivating than genuine support and having cheerleaders in your corner.
• They Lift You Up. Make a concerted effort to spend your time with can-do thinkers, and you won’t want to complain or see the negative side of things nearly as frequently. The reason for this is because positive people don’t allow negativity to impose on their beings. They will likely confront any frequent nay-sayers who come around them or walk away from them to find more like-minded friends. Surrounding yourself with friends and loved ones who have a positive mindset is like an insurance policy for keeping your blue mood and trash talk at bay.
• They Can Teach You. If you find that staying upbeat just doesn’t come naturally to you, it’s definitely a good idea to find some positive friends and colleagues. Who better to learn from than the “experts,” right? Not only can you learn through observation, but your friends probably won’t mind if you ask a question or two now and then. Don’t be afraid to seek advice on ways to maintain gratitude when times get tough or how to let small annoyances go before they turn into big problems. These types of folks are usually willing to help when they can as long as you are respectful of their time and their boundaries.

These are just some of the many reasons you should surround yourself with positive people. Our friends are a reflection of ourselves, so it sure makes sense to choose ones that present an image to aspire to. Besides, positivity can be contagious!

But what are some other ways to find support from others for your self-growth? The people in our lives on a day-to-day basis are important, but what if you’re also looking for some more structured and formal support, a mentor may be just what you need.

The Right Mentors can Skyrocket Your Personal Growth

A mentor is someone who possesses knowledge in a particular area and who wishes to share that information with someone else in order to help that person, or mentee, improve themselves. I have had many mentors who have supported me in my personal growth.  You can have a mentor in a career capacity or simply in your own self development. Having someone to learn from can be a tremendous help in reaching your potential.   

• Get There Faster. While personal development isn’t a race and is best viewed as a lifelong pursuit, it can be truly beneficial to be able to learn from someone else’s journey. The best kinds of mentoring relationships involve guidance from the mentor rather than instructions or commands; you’ll learn more effectively if you aren’t told exactly what to do and how to do it. Life’s lessons must be navigated on one’s own to be fully understood. However, with the help of a trusted guide, you can absorb these lessons in a more meaningful way and use them to your advantage.
• See Your Blind Spots. Noting your own weaknesses is an incredibly tricky thing. Sometimes we’re aware of our flaws, but not willing to acknowledge them due to pride or some other self-serving reason. There are other instances in which we truly are blind to what others may perceive as a negative trait. Your mentor is someone you trust and look up to. Therefore, it is easier for this person to be truthful with you about the things that may be difficult for others to share. A trusted mentor can point you to areas in need of improvement in a way that is sensitive and kind in order to move you along your development.
• Have a Cheerleader. We all could use someone to support and encourage us along our journey, no matter what that path may be. When trying to improve yourself for the better or to reach personal goals, having a cheerleader in your corner can make all the difference. A mentor can provide you with words of wisdom or motivation when you want to give up or when it seems impossible to overcome life’s obstacles. A mentor is different from a friend in that this trusted adviser can provide insight that is directly relevant to your goals and that comes from the perspective of someone who has already walked a similar path.
• Receive Insight. A mentoring relationship can provide you with insight in a number of ways. Hearing your mentor’s stories of their own self growth is often inspiring and can point you in the direction of some valuable resources you may not have otherwise known about. Much of personal development involves reading and discovering new ways of viewing the world and your movement within it. Your mentor may be able to recommend websites, blogs or books that contain relevant information to your particular interests. You can also gain valuable insight just by observing your guide as they conduct themselves in life’s interactions. Having a model to learn from is a benefit in and of itself.

So, if you want to achieve the most from your personal growth pursuits, finding a mentor is a good step to take. Your adviser can be a trusted friend whom you know has been through their own enlightenment or a relative from whom you can learn. The important thing is that you feel comfortable with the person and that they possess adequate life experience to guide you along your way. And if you’re so inclined, I can add a personal plug for looking for opportunities to be a mentor to someone else, yourself! I’ve grown tremendously from learning from my mentors and also from serving as a mentor to others–that saying about mentors learning as much from their mentees as the mentees learn from the mentors really is true!

Next week, we’ll turn inward again, and I’ll be back to share some final thoughts on mindfulness and affirmations that you can use to help you cultivate positive thought and self-growth.  Until then, stay warm out there and have a great rest of your week!

But how do we put this into practice? How do we keep on our path of learning and growth as the year goes on, especially when it’s easy to get bogged down in the day-to-day of work, family, or other life responsibilities.

Making a commitment to personal development isn’t always easy or doesn’t always come naturally–but it’s definitely a worthwhile investment of your time and resources. Growing as a person doesn’t require a formal education or spending a lot of money on workshops by well-known experts. There are tons of ways to expand your mind and to become a more fulfilled person, the benefits of which are immense.

• Avoid Boredom. Boredom is one of the biggest contributors to the feeling of being stuck in a rut. Being bored is a symptom of a mind that is not fully engaged, and it can lead to complacency. The longer you remain unexcited about the life you’re living, the harder it can become to motivate yourself to look for ways to change. Instead, look for ways to stretch your comfort zone. Make a list of ways to do this. It can include new topics or skills you’d like to learn, types of people you’d be interested to meet, experiences that would delight you or something as simple as a different kind of food you want to try. Your list should include baby steps and large leaps. Start with the small stuff and work your way to bigger things or mix it up as the mood strikes.
• Expand Your Life. By remaining stuck in a rut, you’re limiting yourself. You’re missing out on new experiences, satisfying relationships and career fulfillment. Taking time to learn something about a topic of interest or about yourself expands your life through knowledge and opportunity. Each item you place on the list of steps you take toward self-growth adds a little more to your world. Perhaps it’s a new skill that can open up exciting job prospects or maybe it’s an encounter with a person who may become a trusted friend. It could also be an idea or concept that was previously unknown to you, but which could transform your entire belief system. You never know what wonderful things are out there if you choose to remain where you are. For me, connecting with other solopreneurs this year presents an exciting opportunity to learn from their experiences and explore potential collaborations that could open up new possibilities.
• Increase Creativity. Your creativity can become stagnant, even if you’re a person who likes to create, like an artist, singer, crafter or writer. Sometimes we simply find our creative outlets take a back burner while we are focused on other aspects of life. That’s fine, but it can be incredibly difficult to find your way back to creativity again when it’s been absent for a while. Even if creating has never been at the top of your list, you can benefit from adding a spark of imagination to your life. Setting aside specific time to read books or take classes on some form of artistry can inspire renewed interest in you. Simply deciding to add some new recipes to your usual menu choices can be enough to inspire a change in your outlook.
• Make Priorities. As you begin to explore various topics of personal development, you may start to notice that your priorities shift. Something in your exploration is likely to strike a chord and excite you enough that you want to dedicate more of your time to learning about it. This means you will be forced to step out of your current routine in order to make time for your new interest. This simple action can be the catalyst for additional changes to come.
• Gain Happiness. Through your exposure to novel ideas and information, you are bound to come across experiences, people and, hopefully, passions that may shift your worldview. You may begin to appreciate nonmaterial things more and begin to focus on the joy that comes from such riches.

These are all some good basic principles to guide our thinking, but let’s drill down a bit more into how to apply some of these elements to your self-growth plans more concretely.

Map out Your Self Growth Goals for the Coming Year

It’s amazing how many of us go through life on autopilot. When you don’t know what you specifically want from your life or which direction to go, you are probably just spinning your wheels and remaining stationary. If you want to progress and move forward, making a plan is crucial. A map known as a personal development plan can help you to organize your thoughts, view your strengths, clarify your desires and set goals to achieve them. Putting your thoughts and wishes into a formal plan and writing them out is an amazingly effective way of getting what you want. Use the following strategies to map out your self-growth goals for the coming year and watch your life begin to move on track. (Goal-setting is, of course, always a favorite topic of mine and if you’re looking for a quick refresher on how to help define and stay on track with your self-help goals, you can check out my blog series from last year covering the basics of getting started with goal-setting, maintaining motivation, creating accountability, and sticking with the work toward your goals as the year goes on.)    

• Reasons for a Personal Development Plan. Writing a personal development plan just works. It’s definitely worth a try, even if you’re skeptical. Mapping out your goals and desires for life puts things into perspective. It gives you clarity regarding where you want to go within the next year. Starting with a year at a time is a good way to practice this mapping concept. You can later make a five or ten-year plan. As you’re developing your plan, you will begin to focus on the “why” of your goals. Keeping your motivation regularly in mind will push you further when you think about quitting or settling in life. Your personal development plan provides some structure in an uncertain world. You have a map for approaching each day, and you can mark your progress as you go along.
• About a Personal Development Plan. There are lots of different formats out there when it comes to setting up a personal development plan. Your plan should be unique to your lifestyle, needs and goals. You can include whatever you think is most important to focus on for the upcoming year. The goal is to develop a document that you can refer to for guidance as you traverse through your days. Your plan will serve to keep you on track and give you focus.
• What to Include in Your Plan. You can begin by creating a vision or an overview of what you’d like to achieve. This is more like a general mission statement, rather than one that includes specifics. Next, you’ll hone in on the details by writing down your areas of focus. Which parts of your life are most in need of change or do you want to see the greatest change? Write them down, along with what you hope to gain in each segment. List goals in each section. These are the things you wish to attain by year’s end. You can then lay out a tentative schedule for reaching each goal. This may require modification or tweaking as you go along, and that’s okay. You just need a rough guide to start. Basically, your personal development plan should include what you want to gain, why you want to attain these goals and how you plan to make them a reality. The way you structure your plan is entirely up to you.

Now’s the time you get to be creative. Set up your plan in any form you wish. It can be in a digital document or you can grab a journal or notebook to use. The important thing is that your plan resonates with you and is easily accessible for review and progress monitoring. Have fun with it, and enjoy seeing your dreams unfold.

If you need a little support and inspiration to get started on your goal-setting and personal development plan for 2024, I still have a few spots left in my Chart Your Course workshop in-person for my Chicagoland readers on Sunday, January 21st or coming up on January 25th or January 31st via Zoom. (And if you’re interested, but catching this blog post after those January dates have passed, don’t worry–I’ve got more workshops planned throughout the coming year, so stay tuned here or sign up to be notified by e-mail by downloading my free resource here to join my subscriber list.) In the meantime, I’m wishing you all a healthy, productive, and prosperous–however you define “prosperity,” whether it be financial, emotional, spiritual, or some combination of all those things–year ahead in 2024!

I made “gratitude” the theme of my November blog posts, but really, gratitude is something I hold throughout the year, and I’m continuing to feel that grateful spirit as I look back on some of my proudest accomplishments–and biggest challenges–of 2023.  In fact, over two weeks later, I’m still coasting on the overwhelming rush of excitement, relief, and gratitude that I experienced when I learned about my student loan forgiveness.  Honestly, I’ve lost track of how many times I’ve re-read that letter from MOHELA in the days since I received it. Sometimes it doesn’t feel real still, and I have to keep reminding myself it is!

But as much as that life-changing news was a major highlight of my year, when I took a pause to think back on 2023, I realized it was one of only many highlights, many events and moments that took me out of my comfort zone, pushed me to think differently, taught me new things, and encouraged and energized me to continue pursuing my goals, the first highlight being: I launched this blog!  As I was strategizing how to grow my business, share knowledge, and reach my existing audience along with new audiences, starting a blog had been a goal of mine, and in early 2023 I committed to making it happen. I launched Flourishing Fiercely with a goal of posting at least once a week. As it turned out, that didn’t always happen–I missed a few weeks here and there–but that’s OK too! It’s great to set ambitious goals, but also important to give ourselves grace and honor those times when we may need to take a pause.

And what better way to tackle one of my goals than by…writing about goals!  Readers who’ve been with me since the beginning earlier this year may remember that I kicked off by talking about how to get started with goal-setting, keeping up motivation, finding ways to keep yourself accountable, and sticking with the new habits that you might make in service of your goals.  Of course, as a trained coach, you know I also couldn’t help incorporating lots of content throughout those posts about how important SMART goals are! Actually, my blog goal gave me a perfect example of a SMART goal: Launch a blog on my Mission ENSPIRE website in Spring 2023 (Specific and Timebound) and commit to posting weekly (Measurable, and mostly Attainable other than my few missed weeks) as a way of sharing my knowledge and deepening engagement with Mission ENSPIRE clients, prospective clients, and other interested readers (Relevant).

I’d also set a goal for myself of using 2023 as a year to level up my business, connect more intentionally to the entrepreneur community, promote my business and its services, and help inspire others on their own entrepreneurial journeys. I joined my first accelerator for my business (the Launch and Profit Accelerator) and one of the tasks I created was my “I help statement” to guide Mission ENSPIRE’s direction and work: “I help professional women prioritize themselves so they can lead impactful lives without sacrificing their own personal growth.” I launched one of Mission ENSPIRE’s first products: the Momentum Mastermind Set, a personal planning journal, business goal journal, and e-book bundle designed to help you track your notes, appointments, ideas, goals, successes, challenges and more — while teaching you how to make every moment count.

I’ll admit, the “connect and inspire” part of taking my business to the next level came the most naturally to me; the “promote” part perhaps a bit less so.  Throughout my career, I’ve always served in roles that involved building community, creating partnerships, bringing people and organizations together. As I discovered coaching and facilitation, that helped me put myself out there more, but still largely in roles where I’m listening, asking probing questions, helping my audience draw out insights. In those practices, my clients and my training or discussion participants are at the center (intentionally so), not me.  

But 2023 was the year that I realized that part of growing my business meant talking more about myself and my services–and that that’s not a bad thing, especially if I can also be an example to other aspiring entrepreneurs the way that so many have been to me on my path over the past few years.  One of my most exciting accomplishments was becoming a best-selling author, when I contributed a chapter to a book called The Entrepreneurs’ Toolkit for Success (Volume 1). (As I wrote in one of my May blog posts on bucket lists, I definitely got bit by the writing bug through that experience, and authoring an entire book someday is another one of my bucket list items.)

Thanks to some of the connections I made by participating in the book, as well as folks I’ve met throughout my business journey, I was fortunate to be profiled in forums including Canvas Rebel and She ROCKS It magazine. I attended the Dreamer’s Women’s Networking & Celebration event at the beginning of the year, which was the first event where I represented Mission ENSPIRE as a vendor. In November, I participated in my first speaking engagement as a business owner, giving a talk titled “Entrepreneurial Leadership: Scoring Success with a Legendary Mindset” at the Success Junkie Summit hosted by Serita Love. I’m accustomed to public speaking somewhat, since I do so much training and facilitation in my work, but something about giving a “real” speech as founder and CEO of my own company felt different–definitely a growth moment for me! I was nervous but had so much fun once I got started, and even decided to keep the momentum going by applying to be a speaker at a retreat in New Orleans next March. (I’ll keep you posted on how that goes!)

Having said all that, I strongly believe that my learning comes not just from things I accomplished but from things I didn’t accomplish as well. For example, one of my goals and plans was to be a guest on a podcast at least monthly.  Though I did have the privilege to be a guest on the Embrace Your Power podcast with Host and Career Success Coach Denise Taylor, that monthly goal didn’t happen. I researched interesting and relevant podcasts and worked on some applications to appear, but never ended up submitting them. More to the point, I didn’t set aside dedicated time to work on this goal, and that can make all the difference.

Still, I’m proud of what I accomplished, while also working full-time in my nonprofit job. Reflecting on what kept me motivated and on track throughout 2023, one factor in being able to accomplish so much was the time I spent in early December 2022 planning for 2023 at Candace Junee’s Go-Getter Retreat where we prepared our mind, spirit and business to prosper in 2023. Since I know the value of having intentional time for reflection and planning, I’m excited to share about my “Chart Your Course” Workshop that I’m hosting next month.  If you’re feeling uninspired, unmotivated, or in a rut–or even if you’re feeling good as 2023 winds down and looking to keep that momentum going for another year–this goal-setting workshop is for you. We’ll celebrate your wins and growth from 2023 with thoughtful reflection exercises and clarify your big audacious goals for the coming year so that you can “Fiercely Soar in 2024”.  Go HERE for session dates, times, and further details.

Thank you all so much, again, for being part of this blog journey–and our collective learning and growth journey–with me in 2023. I’m excited to stay connected and also find new ways to engage in 2024, and I wish you all a Happy Holiday Season and New Year!

Picking up from last week’s theme, I wanted to share some additional tips for making discipline a habit.  Some of these may be familiar concepts to my regular readers–for example, accountability.  Accountability with a trusted friend, colleague, or family member can help with developing discipline.  Many people think self-discipline means doing it all on your own, but it does not mean that at all. In fact, having a coach, or a group, or an accountability partner can really help you to develop more discipline.  An example would be when someone puts off housework until they know someone is coming over, and they race around to get the house all tidy before their visitor arrives. It is far easier to give in and be less disciplined when you just have yourself in the picture. When you have a person or people hold you accountable, though, you are far more likely to make sure it happens.    

An accountability partner is someone you set up a contract with to hold each other accountable for reaching goals. This is a mutual pact and is probably the easiest to set up. The goals do not have to be the same ones, the point is to connect on a regular basis, often once a week, and share with each other how much you have accomplished.  The best way to do this is to break up the task into daily chunks and do each one each day so that you are not trying to finish up the project the night before you meet with your accountability partner.  (For more on accountability, check out this blog post from April 2023.)

Using Challenges to Develop More Discipline

One way you can develop more discipline is to use challenges. This makes it more like a game and less like a chore. Also there can be the element of friendly competition with others and having others help hold you accountable which improves your odds of success.  Challenges are very popular and you can find them in many places across the internet and social media. Or you can make up your own and share it with a group of people. However, you end up doing it is up to you.

When looking to see if a challenge will be useful to you, there are some factors to look for, so you can best benefit. Is the challenge realistic? You want to stretch yourself, but not to the point where it might be too difficult to succeed. For example you could challenge yourself to cook all your meals at home for the next 30 days in order to save money on take-out or restaurant food, but that might be challenging if, for instance, you have travel planned away from your home during that time, or if you have an especially busy few days with work, kids’ activities, or other family obligations on deck. You also want the challenge to not be too easy. You need to see if you have the time to devote to it. Be sure to include time for learning new things, for example if you challenge yourself to build a new blogging website in 30 days, remember that if you have never done one before, you will have to learn some things and that will be extra time above just writing the blog posts.  (Having launched this blog earlier this year, I am all too aware from personal experience the time it can take to learn new website-building systems! )  

If the challenge is a large one over a longer period of time, are there clear-cut milestones along the way to help you have a sense of accomplishment? If your challenge, for example, is to find a new job or change careers entirely, you may want to build in smaller steps and milestones along the way–such as making a list (written or mental) of what you’re looking for in your new career, writing or revamping your resume, researching job leads, networking informally or through informational interviews with people in the field you have your eye on, and so forth. 

When you do a group challenge, you have some added benefits. There is a sense of camaraderie when working together on a goal that you don’t get when just “competing” with yourself. Other people can give you ideas, too. For example, if you are in a group challenge focused on cooking more or eating out less, the group members can share recipes and support.

Organization Is a Major Tool in Developing Discipline

If you want to develop more self-discipline, it helps to get organized. Organization helps you feel less overwhelmed and makes it easier to get things done. You also can focus easier on your goals if you have a structure to both your day and your work environment.

For example, say you have a goal of writing a book. Lots of people want to write books, but many never end up finishing one–why? Because a monumental goal like that requires discipline and organization, and especially if there isn’t a fixed deadline imposed by someone else, it’s easy for our goals to fall to the back burner as day-to-day obligations get in the way. You cannot successfully write a book if you only write when you feel like it. You also are less likely to get much writing done if you are not organized. If your research for your book consists of pages that you have to search through every time you need something, or worse yet, find the notes buried in a pile of paperwork, you will find you spend more time on finding things instead of actually writing.

Scheduling your day is another way of organizing that will help you develop discipline. This is more than just having a to do list. You need to look at when you get up, when you go to bed, and block out times like work hours that cannot be used for accomplishing your goals. Then you need to take a look at the time left over and figure out how to best use it. One of the ways a lot of people add more time in their day is to get up an hour earlier and devote that time to their goals. Some people go to bed an hour later and use that time. Be realistic about how much time it takes to do the steps needed to accomplish your goal.

Organizing your workspace and your files on your computer are also ways to help you with developing discipline. By making sure you cut down on the time it takes for related tasks to accomplish your goals, you allow more time to actually do the work of the goal itself. To go back to the example of writing a book, if your research is well organized either in your workplace or in well-marked files on your computer, you will spend less time looking stuff up and more time actually writing. This will lead to faster writing as well since you are not interrupting the flow to spend time searching for something.   You will then be far more likely to actually finish writing that book. 

This is another example that really resonates with me from personal experience. In 2022 I was invited to contribute a chapter to The Entrepreneurs’ Toolkit for Success and I got a taste of the organization and discipline that writing required–and that was for a single chapter, not even a whole book!  Some of the tips and techniques that I described above really helped me stay on track, and I definitely plan to use them when I tackle my next writing goal of writing and publishing an entire book someday!  How have discipline and organization helped you get closer to achieving your goals?   

This week and next, I’m focusing on the topic of discipline: how we can develop it and how we can use it to our advantage in our learning and development journey.  Many of us might have an initial gut reaction to the term “discipline” that isn’t the most positive: perhaps we had childhood experiences that cause us to associate discipline with punishment; or even if we think of discipline as being more along the lines of self-discipline, it’s also common to think that self-discipline revolves around rule-following, working, or denying yourself treats or other indulgences. But productive, meaningful discipline shouldn’t be punitive, and it doesn’t have to be a chore. Instead, we can harness the power of discipline for our learning and development.     

Benefits of Self-Discipline

When you develop self-discipline, you have many beneficial results. These include a sense of accomplishment, more self-respect, and a better understanding of what you can do.  Discipline is not always easy, but it is well worth it. When you set goals and work on them every day until you accomplish the goal, you feel proud of yourself. Not only because you accomplished the goal, but because you did not quit. You stuck with your goals and made them happen. Think back to when you had a goal and worked on it every day until it was done. How did you feel?

When you discipline yourself to accomplish a goal, you also increase your self-respect. Think of the people you have the most respect for, and why you respect them. Chances are one of those reasons is that they have self-discipline. They set out to do something and they accomplish it. By doing the same for yourself, you can have more respect for who you are as a person.  You learn more of what you can do. When you set goals and challenge yourself to meet them, you will find out that you can overcome obstacles that you might have thought were too difficult. You learn more about who you are and what you can accomplish when you set your mind to it.

Many times, we put limitations on ourselves that aren’t really accurate.  In the coaching world, we sometimes call this phenomenon “limiting beliefs” and they can pertain to topics large or small, specific or wide-ranging.  “I’m not athletic, I could never run a 5K race (or a half-marathon, marathon, etc)”; “I’m too old (or too young) to do ____”; “I’m not creative enough to be an entrepreneur”; “I’ll never get ahead in life” are all examples of limiting beliefs that can hold us back. These beliefs can be shaped by a whole host of deep-seated factors, sometimes going as far back as our childhood.  Many of us have limiting beliefs that were influenced by the habits, mindset, or circumstances of our parents or our extended community–perhaps without us even being consciously aware of it at the time. Or negative experiences in school or the workplace might have shaken our confidence and caused self-doubt to take root in our minds. Limiting beliefs can be powerful, pervasive, and persistent.  

Think about something you think is not possible. Is it really impossible or are you setting a limitation that is artificial? One way to find out is to set a goal and make it happen. Obviously, some goals won’t happen overnight. Progress might be slow and gradual, depending on your starting point, the magnitude of your goal, and the distance between those start and finish lines. (If you’re really feeling bogged down by your limiting beliefs and need some extra support, a skilled coach can be a great resource for helping you get “unstuck” and chart a new path forward.)

You can use this mindset to practice embracing some of the benefits of discipline. Figure out a goal that you want to do and set up milestones along the way. Then each day do something to make those milestones happen. It doesn’t have to be anything major, just one more small step on the way to your final goal. When you reach that final goal, take stock of how you feel about yourself and what you are capable of doing. (For much more on goal setting, see my April 2023 blog series.)

Discipline in Bite Sized Steps

But what are some ways to begin practicing self-discipline that are manageable, achievable and don’t reinforce those negative perceptions of discipline as being too limiting and deprivation-focused?  One of the ways that people struggle with developing self-discipline, is trying to make too many changes at once–not just by doing more than one goal at a time, but by making those goals way too large. Either of these approaches can lead to us feeling deprived, discouraged, and ultimately demotivated.

An example of too many goals at once might be someone choosing to quit smoking, improve their eating habits, exercise regularly, build a successful business, and get out of debt, all at the same time. All of these goals are common things that many people strive to achieve and that can be beneficial for our longer-term health, wealth, and quality of life.  But if you try to do them all at once, though, you will probably find it to be too much and quit. This is one of the reasons why some of those big, bold New Year’s resolutions that we make every January 1 tend to fizzle out as the year goes on. Instead, focus on one or two of your goals for the first several months, to give yourself time to make new habits, notch some small “wins” to celebrate, and use that momentum to move on to other goals. 

For example, if your most urgent goal is to quit smoking because you’re concerned about the long-term health effects and the day-to-day impact on your budget, you might start by focusing just on that goal. You could spend a couple of months getting rid of the cigarettes and using aids like the nicotine patch to help. Then once you feel that you’ve reached a place of stability and confidence in meeting that goal, you can move on to tackle others.

You may find changing your diet and exercising more to be really overwhelming goals because they are huge ones–and so generic that it can be difficult to pinpoint where to start. So, another tactic to help you with discipline is to break them down into smaller goals. If you look across your food and drink consumption and decide that you want to focus on cutting out soda, for example, maybe you break it down into this week you cut your soda intake in half, then week two you cut it out completely. If you do this week by week making one small change, you may find it easier to stay in control.

Another way you can break it down is by intensity. So, say you want to exercise more, but you have not exercised in years. If you start with something like a full workout, you may give up or get injured and then be unable to exercise at all. So instead of going full tilt, you can start by doing mini workouts at a lower intensity for a few days, and over time add more minutes to your workout until you reach at least 20 to 30 minutes of activity. You can also over time increase the intensity of your workout as you get stronger and in better shape. By breaking down the goals into bite-sized steps, you can make it easier to develop the discipline you need to accomplish them. You will also improve the chances of success in changing your habits.

Self-discipline doesn’t have to be a practice that we dread or fear! When we start to see discipline not as something that’s imposed on us but as a tool that we are in control of, we can use it to further our personal and professional development goals.  Next week, I’ll share more tips about how to practice discipline in a healthy and effective way, and in the meantime, feel free to share any examples of a time when you broke discipline down into some bite-sized steps!