The Impact of Negative Thinking

Our inner critic can be our greatest obstacle. Thoughts like “I’m not good enough” or “What if I fail?” can paralyze us. However, negative thinking doesn’t have to derail your progress. By recognizing and challenging these thoughts, you can transform them into a source of motivation.

I’ve faced this in my entrepreneurial journey. Not every idea worked, but every setback offered a valuable lesson. After a workshop didn’t meet expectations, I took time to reflect and adjust my approach, leading to a more impactful experience in future sessions. Likewise, in my professional career, there were moments where I felt overwhelmed by competing priorities. Last year, I struggled to balance my leadership responsibilities while also growing my business. It felt like no matter how much effort I put in; I was always falling short somewhere. But by taking a step back, reassessing my goals, and prioritizing what truly mattered, I was able to regain my footing.

Common Cognitive Distortions and How to Reframe Them

• Catastrophizing: Assuming the worst possible outcome will happen. Instead of thinking, “This failure will ruin everything,” reframe it as, “This setback is a learning experience that will help me grow.”
• Personalization: Taking responsibility for things outside your control. Instead of thinking, “It’s my fault the team didn’t succeed,” try, “I did my best, and external factors played a role.”
• All-or-Nothing Thinking: Seeing situations in black and white. Instead of thinking, “If I fail once, I’ll never succeed,” shift to, “Every step forward is progress, even if it isn’t perfect.”

Strategies for Managing Negative Thinking

Overcoming negative thinking starts with intentional strategies that help us reframe our mindset and build resilience. Here are a few practices that have helped me and can support you:

• Practice Self-Compassion: Instead of harsh self-criticism, treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding you’d offer a friend. In my January 2024 series about cultivating a positive mindset, we explored how shifting your inner dialogue can set the foundation for growth. If something doesn’t go as planned, remind yourself that failure is part of success, not the opposite of it.
• Revisit Your “Why”: When setbacks shake your confidence, reconnecting with your purpose can reignite your motivation. In my early days as a public speaker, I almost turned down my first opportunity. The fear of ‘what if I fail?’ loomed large. What helped to minimize the fear and quiet the negative thinking was preparing, practicing, and leaning into my community for encouragement. 
• Use Small Wins to Rebuild Confidence: Setbacks can make us feel like we’re back at square one, but recognizing small wins can help shift that mindset. In October, we discussed the importance of discipline and gratitude in achieving long-term success. One way to navigate setbacks is through gratitude journaling—reflecting on lessons learned rather than fixating on what went wrong.
• Lean on Your Support System: Surrounding yourself with people who uplift and encourage you can make all the difference. When I struggled to balance my leadership responsibilities while growing my business, I felt like I was falling short everywhere. But by reassessing my priorities and seeking guidance from mentors, I was able to regain clarity and move forward with renewed confidence.

The Power of Reframing Setbacks

When we encounter setbacks, our initial reaction is often frustration, disappointment, or self-doubt. However, shifting our perspective can make all the difference. Just as we discussed in my post about micro habits, small consistent actions can help rebuild confidence after setbacks. Whether it’s writing one positive affirmation or taking one small step forward, progress is made in the moments when we choose persistence over perfection.

Personally, I’ve faced numerous setbacks throughout my journey—particularly when launching my business, Mission ENSPIRE. There were moments when I questioned if I was on the right path. A project that didn’t gain traction or a slow season in revenue could have easily made me give up. But instead, I leaned on my support system, revisited my goals, and took small but intentional steps forward. Looking back, I realize those setbacks were necessary stepping stones to building something sustainable.

Building Resilience Through Setbacks

Resilience is the ability to recover from difficulties, and it plays a crucial role in confidence-building. Developing resilience involves shifting our mindset and cultivating habits that allow us to bounce back stronger. Here are some practical exercises to strengthen resilience:

• Journaling for Reflection: Write about a recent setback and explore what you learned from it. Identify at least one positive takeaway.
• Gratitude Practice: List three things you are grateful for, even in the midst of challenges. Gratitude shifts focus from failure to opportunity.
• Visualization: Picture yourself, overcoming the setback and moving forward. This mental exercise rewires your brain to approach challenges with confidence.
• Affirmations: Replace negative self-talk with positive affirmations. For example, “I am capable of handling challenges and learning from them.”

The Confidence Roadmap

The journey to self-confidence isn’t linear. It’s a dynamic process requiring courage, resilience, and adaptability. By adopting a long-term perspective, you can build confidence that endures through life’s highs and lows.

• Set Intentional Goals: Define clear, actionable goals that align with your values and passions.
• Embrace Lifelong Learning: Commit to ongoing growth through experiences and self-development.
• Cultivate Gratitude: Regularly reflect on accomplishments and the support you’ve received.
• Mentor and Be Mentored: Sharing your journey fosters personal and collective growth.
• Celebrate Progress: Confidence isn’t built solely on reaching the destination—acknowledge each milestone along the way.

Moving Forward with Hope and Resilience

If setbacks are inevitable, then hope is essential. It’s what allows us to believe in the possibilities ahead, even when obstacles appear. As I wrote last fall, discipline and gratitude are key ingredients for long-term success. Even in the face of setbacks, practicing gratitude allows us to reframe our challenges and focus on opportunities for growth.

In my next post, I’ll explore how hope fuels growth and how to cultivate it in our daily lives. Until then, I invite you to reflect—how have your setbacks shaped your journey? What lessons have you gained, and how will you move forward with renewed confidence?

The Procrastination Pandemic: You’re Not Alone, My Friends!

Who’s ready to get real honest for a hot second? Raise your hand if you’ve ever found yourself aimlessly scrolling social media instead of tackling that looming project deadline. Or maybe you’ve reorganized your entire sock drawer for the third time this week, all to avoid doing those dreaded dishes piling up in the sink? If that sounds like a scene ripped straight from your personal life movie, fear not – you’re definitely not alone in this struggle! In fact, did you know that at any given moment, roughly 20% of the population is actively procrastinating on some aspect of their lives? That’s 1 in 5 folks avoiding responsibilities left and right!

Even me! Let me share a personal anecdote. Recently, I had the opportunity to be featured in an article on BoldJourney.com – an exciting prospect! However, despite the initial enthusiasm, I found myself falling into the procrastination trap. A member of the editorial staff reached out to me in early January, and I promptly responded, eager to understand the process. Yet, despite being armed with the necessary information, I allowed the task to linger on my to-do list. Even after recovering from a brief illness within three weeks, I continued to postpone my part of the process for another six weeks, ultimately not submitting my contribution until April 1st. In retrospect, this delay was entirely avoidable, yet I succumbed to the allure of procrastination. The consequences, while not catastrophic, were nonetheless tangible. However, I did get back on the horse so to speak – and you can find the featured article right here.  

So whether it’s students putting off studying for that big exam, employees delaying those pesky reports, or all of us conveniently “forgetting” about that towering mountain of laundry, procrastination is pretty much a universal experience. We’re all out here procrastinating something, on or off the clock, and let me tell you – admitting we have a problem is half the battle!

Procrastination: A Silent Saboteur

Let’s get one thing straight right off the bat – Procrastination isn’t just some pesky time management issue that can be solved by setting a few more phone alarms or downloading a fancy new productivity app.  Nope, this bad habit runs way deeper than just hitting that enticing snooze button one too many times. The cold hard truth is that procrastination often stems from some pretty powerful internal forces. Maybe it’s a deep-seated fear of failure whispering doubts in our ears. Maybe it’s good old-fashioned lack of motivation or interest slowly chipping away at our drive. Or maybe – and this one’s a doozy – we simply don’t know where the heck to start, so we instinctively do…nothing at all.

Yep, procrastination is a complex little monster, my friends. A sly shape-shifter that can manifest as avoidance, distraction, or flat-out inaction, always luring us away from the tasks and goals that really matter. But here’s the good news: while procrastination might be one of humanity’s oldest shared vices, that doesn’t make it an inherently bad thing! Shocking, I know, but hear me out.

While many perceive procrastination as a mere personal habit, its impact extends far beyond the individual. This insidious behavior has the potential to undermine various aspects of our lives, silently eroding our relationships, productivity, and overall well-being. Here are two ways procrastination impacts our lives:

• Strained Relationships and Shattered Trust. Procrastination is not a solitary act; it often ripples outward, affecting those around us. When we fail to meet deadlines or commitments, it can strain our relationships with colleagues, friends, and family members. Trust is a fragile construct, and repeated instances of procrastination can shatter it, leaving us isolated and disconnected from the very people who matter most.
• Diminished Career Prospects and Financial Instability. In the professional realm, procrastination can be a career saboteur. For those employed, it can lead to missed opportunities, decreased productivity, and potentially, job loss. Entrepreneurs and self-employed individuals are not immune either; procrastination can hinder business growth, cost valuable clients, and impede essential decision-making processes, ultimately threatening financial stability.

Beneath the surface of procrastination often lie deep-seated beliefs and thought patterns that perpetuate this harmful behavior. Low self-esteem, fear of rejection, harsh self-criticism, and a preference for instant gratification are just a few of the underlying factors that can fuel the cycle of procrastination. Breaking free from procrastination’s grip requires a multi-faceted approach. It demands cultivating self-awareness, challenging negative thought patterns, and developing effective time management strategies. Only by addressing the root causes and implementing proactive measures can we reclaim control over our lives and forge a path towards fulfillment, both personally and professionally.

So, how can I go about changing things up?

The Anxiety-Procrastination Two-Step: Let’s Change the Tune

It usually goes something like this: Anxiety sweeps in and starts calling all the moves, fears of failure or the unknown or just plain old overwhelm making us want to avoid tasks altogether. Then procrastination sashays onto the dance floor, and before you know it, we’re falling deeper into procrastination’s trap. The kicker? That only breeds more anxiety about not getting things done! It’s a vicious cycle, a real emotional two-step from hell.

But you know what? We don’t have to be prisoners to this dance anymore. It’s time to cut in and change the tune! The first step is figuring out what’s really fueling your anxiety. Is the fear of messing up leading you astray? Are the great unknowns of life throwing you off balance? Or is it a severe case of the overwhelms making you want to hide under the covers?

Once you pinpoint your anxiety instigator, you can start putting some counter-moves into practice. If that looming fear of failure is your personal tormentor, try envisioning the worst-case scenario and game-planning some work-arounds. Boom, suddenly that monster in the closet doesn’t seem so scary, does it? For those of you struck by the anxiety of uncertainty (we’ve all been there!), remind yourself that literally no one knows what curveballs life will throw. But you’re not alone out there – you’ve got a whole cheerleading squad in your corner to lean on when the path gets rocky.

And if it’s overwhelm weighing you down, why not try breaking up those big, hairy tasks into bite-sized chunks? Yes, that mountain of obligations looks terrifying from the base…but if you just take it one step at a time, you’ll reach that summit before you know it. The point is, my friends, we all get tangled up in anxiety and procrastination’s twisted dance from time to time. But you’ve got all the moves to cut in and change the music whenever you need to. So shake it off, strut your stuff, and don’t let this dysfunctional duo stop your groove!

Break Free from Procrastination

Procrastination’s pervasive effects cast a long shadow over our lives, slowly eroding our potential, peace of mind, and quality of life. Its insidious tolls seep into our relationships, careers, and overall well-being, leaving us dissatisfied, stressed, and disconnected. However, shining a light on these hidden consequences is the first step towards positive change. Awareness sparks action, and each purposeful step to combat procrastination chips away at its grip.

But what if you find yourself stuck in procrastination’s vicious cycle, the anxiety and avoidance feeling impossible to overcome alone? Don’t lose heart, my friends – you don’t have to go it alone. This is where seeking professional support can be a game-changer. Whether it’s talking to a counselor or exploring mental health resources, an objective third party can provide invaluable tools and guidance to help you break through the barriers keeping you stuck.

From cognitive-behavioral techniques to manage anxiety and reframe negative thought patterns, to practical strategies for building productive habits, the right support system can illuminate a clear path forward. And let’s be real – investing in your mental well-being isn’t just a luxury, it’s an act of self-preservation in our fast-paced, high-stress world.  So, if you’ve been wrestling with procrastination’s demons and can’t quite get a grip, I encourage you – no, I implore you – to explore the realm of mental health support. You’ve got this, but you don’t have to have it all figured out alone.

For the rest of you already armed with self-awareness and determination, let this be your wake-up call, your rallying cry to break free from procrastination’s shackles once and for all. Envision the life you want to live, one unburdened by the weight of constant postponement. It awaits you, my friends – you need only take that first empowered step forward into productive possibility.

Procrastination is more than just a pesky time-waster; it’s an insidious force that can unravel our grandest ambitions, leaving our dreams to gather dust on the shelf of “someday.” Despite our best-laid plans and bursts of motivation, it doesn’t take long for many of us to find ourselves stuck in a cycle of delaying tasks, losing focus, and wondering where all that initial drive went. Now, I know what you might be thinking – “Jen, don’t be so dramatic, procrastination is just me being a little lazy sometimes, no biggie.” But here’s the harsh truth: more often than not, procrastination runs way deeper than a simple lack of motivation.

Procrastination: The Thief of Time

Let’s start with a little pop quiz, shall we? Have you ever found yourself scrolling mindlessly through social media or binge-watching your favorite show when you should have been working on that big project? Or maybe you’ve reorganized your entire closet, alphabetized your spice rack, or deep-cleaned the grout in your bathroom tiles – anything to avoid tackling ‘that task’ you should have likely done by yesterday? If so, my friend, you’ve fallen victim to the insidious clutches of procrastination.

Now, before we go any further, let’s get one thing straight: procrastination is not laziness. Oh no, no, no. Procrastination is a complex beast, a master of deception that can lure even the most motivated and driven among us into its clutches. It’s a thief that steals our time, our productivity, and our sense of accomplishment, leaving us feeling frustrated, overwhelmed, and utterly drained.

It’s like they’re trapped in a bizarre cycle of wanting to achieve great things, but simultaneously self-sabotaging by putting off the very tasks that would get them there. Talk about an exercise in frustration! But here’s the real kicker – procrastinators aren’t just avoiding work willy-nilly. Oh no, these folks are plagued by a potent combo of fear, perfectionism, and a million other gremlins whispering doubts into their ears. They’re so worried about doing things “perfectly” that they’d rather not do them at all (at least for the time being).

And let’s not forget the guilt, the anxiety, the overwhelming sense of dread that comes with knowingly putting things off. Procrastinators are intimately acquainted with that gnawing feeling in the pit of their stomachs, the one that reminds them with every passing hour that they’re running out of time.

Laziness: The Bare Minimum Brigade

In the other corner, we’ve got laziness – procrastination’s often-confused cousin. Now, don’t get me wrong, a little laziness here and there is just human nature. We all have those days where the couch is calling our name louder than that pile of paperwork on the desk. But true laziness, the kind we’re talking about here, is a whole different ballgame. This is the “bare minimum” approach to life, where any task that requires more than the absolute minimum effort is immediately dismissed as “too much work.”

Unlike procrastinators, who are plagued by self-doubt and fear of failure, lazy folks simply…don’t care. They’re the masters of the “eh, whatever” shrug, unbothered by looming deadlines or unfulfilled potential. Heck, some of them might even take a perverse pride in their ability to do as little as humanly possible! And perhaps most glaringly, lazy people don’t experience that overwhelming sense of guilt or anxiety that procrastinators know all too well. There’s no inner turmoil, no self-sabotaging voice whispering “you should be doing more.” Nope, for the truly lazy, ignorant bliss is a way of life.

Two sides of the same coin? Well, not quite! So sure, on the surface, procrastination and laziness might seem like two sides of the same unproductive coin. But once you start picking apart the motivations and mindsets behind each, the differences become crystal clear.

So how do you find out which one are you? Well here where its gets interesting…Here are some telltale signs of Chronic Procrastinator:

• Poor Time Management: Procrastinators love to overcommit, overbooking their schedules to the point of total overwhelm. With zero sense of prioritization, tasks just pile up in a blasphemous backlog. The false promise of “I’ll find the time later” reigns supreme.
• Avoidance: This isn’t your everyday “I’ll do it tomorrow” foot-dragging. Chronic procrastinators are masters of the avoidance hustle – reorganizing closets, scrolling socials, or burying themselves in busywork to bypass actual responsibilities. Dodging is an art form.
• Self-Sabotaging Behaviors: Just when you think progress is being made, the procrastination gremlins come out to play. Sudden urges to deep clean, alphabetize the bookshelves, or conquer a new video game derail all momentum. It’s self-sabotage at its finest.

From reorganizing the junk drawer to clicking over to social media, if it pulls you away from the task at hand, it’s self-sabotage in action. Recognizing these patterns is key to overcoming chronic procrastination. You see, my friends, procrastinators are masters of the excuse game. They’ve got a million and one justifications for their inaction, little stories they spin to rationalize putting things off. And once you can identify those telltale traits rearing their unproductive heads, you’ll likely also recognize the familiar excuses that follow close behind.

The Excuse-Maker’s Playbook

Here are some of the most repeated ones …

• The “Too Busy” Excuse: We’ve all been there – schedules packed to the brim, overwhelm setting in. “There’s just never enough time!” we cry. But more often than not, this excuse masks our failure to set healthy boundaries or our self-sabotaging habits. We overfill our plates, then use the ensuing busyness as a handy excuse to procrastinate.
• The “Analysis Paralysis” Excuse: “I need more time to think this through…” Sounds reasonable, right? Preparation is key, after all. But for procrastinators, this excuse can quickly devolve into a constant state of overthinking and indecision. The fear of making the “wrong” choice keeps us stuck in neutral.
• The “Fear and Loathing” Duo: Fear of failure and lack of motivation make up procrastination’s dastardly dynamic duo. One voice whispers “What if you’re not good enough?” while the other chimes in with a dismissive “Eh, I’ll get to it later.” A truly toxic combo.

Which of these excuses have you fallen victim to? As for me, I’ve often found myself trapped in the “Analysis Paralysis” cycle. The desire to make the perfect decision or have every detail figured out beforehand has led me down many a rabbit hole of overthinking and indecision. I’ll spend hours researching, considering every angle, and seeking out more information, only to end up more confused and paralyzed than when I started. It’s a vicious cycle fueled by the fear of making a mistake or regretting a choice. Recognizing this tendency in myself has been crucial – it allows me to catch myself when I start to spiral and consciously shift gears into action mode, even if things aren’t 100% mapped out. I have to remind myself that progress trumps perpetual preparation.

The path out of Excuse-ville? Start by calling out those justifications for what they are – flimsy rationalizations designed to avoid discomfort. Then dig deeper to address the root issues, whether it’s boundary-setting, quieting self-criticism, or rekindling your motivation. No more excuses, only progress!

Here is Why You Shouldn’t Call Me Lazy…

The crucial distinction between procrastination and laziness comes down to identifying the root cause of your inaction. Are you avoiding a task because you’re overwhelmed, fearful, or seeking perfection? That’s procrastination talking. Are you simply lacking the motivation or energy to put in the effort? That’s laziness rearing its unmotivated head.

By pinpointing the true nature of your struggle, you can start to develop targeted strategies and techniques to overcome it. For procrastinators, it might mean learning to break down daunting tasks into smaller, more manageable chunks, or practicing mindfulness to quiet those critical inner voices. For the laziness-inclined, it could be about finding ways to inject more excitement and enjoyment into your daily routine, or setting achievable goals to reignite your motivation.

The Road to Recommitment

And that, my friends, brings us full circle to the theme of this month: recommitting to ourselves and breaking free from the shackles of procrastination (and, if we’re being honest, the occasional bout of laziness). It’s a journey, to be sure, but one that’s well worth the effort. Imagine waking up each morning with a sense of purpose and drive, tackling your to-do list with gusto and crossing off those nagging tasks with a sense of accomplishment. Imagine the freedom of no longer being held back by fear, doubt, or a lack of motivation. Imagine the possibilities that await when you finally break the cycle of procrastination and embrace a life of action, progress, and fulfillment.

It won’t be easy, but then again, nothing worthwhile ever is. But with a little bit of self-awareness, some tried-and-true strategies, and a whole lot of perseverance, we can overcome the procrastination trap and step into our full potential. So, what do you say? Are you ready to join me on this journey of recommitment and self-discovery? Let’s leave the excuses and rationalizations behind and embrace a life of action, progress, and fulfillment. Who’s with me?

But how do we put this into practice? How do we keep on our path of learning and growth as the year goes on, especially when it’s easy to get bogged down in the day-to-day of work, family, or other life responsibilities.

Making a commitment to personal development isn’t always easy or doesn’t always come naturally–but it’s definitely a worthwhile investment of your time and resources. Growing as a person doesn’t require a formal education or spending a lot of money on workshops by well-known experts. There are tons of ways to expand your mind and to become a more fulfilled person, the benefits of which are immense.

• Avoid Boredom. Boredom is one of the biggest contributors to the feeling of being stuck in a rut. Being bored is a symptom of a mind that is not fully engaged, and it can lead to complacency. The longer you remain unexcited about the life you’re living, the harder it can become to motivate yourself to look for ways to change. Instead, look for ways to stretch your comfort zone. Make a list of ways to do this. It can include new topics or skills you’d like to learn, types of people you’d be interested to meet, experiences that would delight you or something as simple as a different kind of food you want to try. Your list should include baby steps and large leaps. Start with the small stuff and work your way to bigger things or mix it up as the mood strikes.
• Expand Your Life. By remaining stuck in a rut, you’re limiting yourself. You’re missing out on new experiences, satisfying relationships and career fulfillment. Taking time to learn something about a topic of interest or about yourself expands your life through knowledge and opportunity. Each item you place on the list of steps you take toward self-growth adds a little more to your world. Perhaps it’s a new skill that can open up exciting job prospects or maybe it’s an encounter with a person who may become a trusted friend. It could also be an idea or concept that was previously unknown to you, but which could transform your entire belief system. You never know what wonderful things are out there if you choose to remain where you are. For me, connecting with other solopreneurs this year presents an exciting opportunity to learn from their experiences and explore potential collaborations that could open up new possibilities.
• Increase Creativity. Your creativity can become stagnant, even if you’re a person who likes to create, like an artist, singer, crafter or writer. Sometimes we simply find our creative outlets take a back burner while we are focused on other aspects of life. That’s fine, but it can be incredibly difficult to find your way back to creativity again when it’s been absent for a while. Even if creating has never been at the top of your list, you can benefit from adding a spark of imagination to your life. Setting aside specific time to read books or take classes on some form of artistry can inspire renewed interest in you. Simply deciding to add some new recipes to your usual menu choices can be enough to inspire a change in your outlook.
• Make Priorities. As you begin to explore various topics of personal development, you may start to notice that your priorities shift. Something in your exploration is likely to strike a chord and excite you enough that you want to dedicate more of your time to learning about it. This means you will be forced to step out of your current routine in order to make time for your new interest. This simple action can be the catalyst for additional changes to come.
• Gain Happiness. Through your exposure to novel ideas and information, you are bound to come across experiences, people and, hopefully, passions that may shift your worldview. You may begin to appreciate nonmaterial things more and begin to focus on the joy that comes from such riches.

These are all some good basic principles to guide our thinking, but let’s drill down a bit more into how to apply some of these elements to your self-growth plans more concretely.

Map out Your Self Growth Goals for the Coming Year

It’s amazing how many of us go through life on autopilot. When you don’t know what you specifically want from your life or which direction to go, you are probably just spinning your wheels and remaining stationary. If you want to progress and move forward, making a plan is crucial. A map known as a personal development plan can help you to organize your thoughts, view your strengths, clarify your desires and set goals to achieve them. Putting your thoughts and wishes into a formal plan and writing them out is an amazingly effective way of getting what you want. Use the following strategies to map out your self-growth goals for the coming year and watch your life begin to move on track. (Goal-setting is, of course, always a favorite topic of mine and if you’re looking for a quick refresher on how to help define and stay on track with your self-help goals, you can check out my blog series from last year covering the basics of getting started with goal-setting, maintaining motivation, creating accountability, and sticking with the work toward your goals as the year goes on.)    

• Reasons for a Personal Development Plan. Writing a personal development plan just works. It’s definitely worth a try, even if you’re skeptical. Mapping out your goals and desires for life puts things into perspective. It gives you clarity regarding where you want to go within the next year. Starting with a year at a time is a good way to practice this mapping concept. You can later make a five or ten-year plan. As you’re developing your plan, you will begin to focus on the “why” of your goals. Keeping your motivation regularly in mind will push you further when you think about quitting or settling in life. Your personal development plan provides some structure in an uncertain world. You have a map for approaching each day, and you can mark your progress as you go along.
• About a Personal Development Plan. There are lots of different formats out there when it comes to setting up a personal development plan. Your plan should be unique to your lifestyle, needs and goals. You can include whatever you think is most important to focus on for the upcoming year. The goal is to develop a document that you can refer to for guidance as you traverse through your days. Your plan will serve to keep you on track and give you focus.
• What to Include in Your Plan. You can begin by creating a vision or an overview of what you’d like to achieve. This is more like a general mission statement, rather than one that includes specifics. Next, you’ll hone in on the details by writing down your areas of focus. Which parts of your life are most in need of change or do you want to see the greatest change? Write them down, along with what you hope to gain in each segment. List goals in each section. These are the things you wish to attain by year’s end. You can then lay out a tentative schedule for reaching each goal. This may require modification or tweaking as you go along, and that’s okay. You just need a rough guide to start. Basically, your personal development plan should include what you want to gain, why you want to attain these goals and how you plan to make them a reality. The way you structure your plan is entirely up to you.

Now’s the time you get to be creative. Set up your plan in any form you wish. It can be in a digital document or you can grab a journal or notebook to use. The important thing is that your plan resonates with you and is easily accessible for review and progress monitoring. Have fun with it, and enjoy seeing your dreams unfold.

If you need a little support and inspiration to get started on your goal-setting and personal development plan for 2024, I still have a few spots left in my Chart Your Course workshop in-person for my Chicagoland readers on Sunday, January 21st or coming up on January 25th or January 31st via Zoom. (And if you’re interested, but catching this blog post after those January dates have passed, don’t worry–I’ve got more workshops planned throughout the coming year, so stay tuned here or sign up to be notified by e-mail by downloading my free resource here to join my subscriber list.) In the meantime, I’m wishing you all a healthy, productive, and prosperous–however you define “prosperity,” whether it be financial, emotional, spiritual, or some combination of all those things–year ahead in 2024!

Being Thankful During Hard Times

Practicing daily gratitude can help you to develop a more positive mindset. This in turn helps you to identify solutions to any problems you might be facing. It’s easy to be thankful when things are going great. However, it becomes much more of a challenge when you are going through tough times. If you are struggling to feel thankful right now, there are some great tips you can follow:

• Start a gratitude list. One of the best ways to build up a more grateful mindset is to start a gratitude list. Each day, write down 3-5 things that you are grateful for. It could be something great that happened that day, or something you are looking forward to. If nothing good has happened, list the basics. It could be that you are grateful to have a roof over your head, or food on the table. You may need to dig deep some days to find something you are grateful for.
• Utilize the pay it forward movement. Often, we feel a lot more grateful in life when we take the time to help others. The pay it forward movement is a great way to develop gratitude during difficult times. “Pay it forward means” to do something small for someone. They then do something small for other people, and the cycle continues. When we do something nice for someone, it automatically makes us feel happier. It also shows you that there are other people going through a tough time. By doing something nice for others, it will help you to feel more grateful about your own life.
• Practice kindness. Practicing kindness is another way to be thankful during tough times. When we do nice things for others, it makes us feel better about ourselves. It also helps to show us that there are people worse off than we are. Look for local charities you could support or do something nice for a neighbor. The more kindness you practice, the more thankful and happier you’ll become.

Why Gratitude is So Hard

If you find it hard to show or feel gratitude, you certainly aren’t alone! While it may produce a ton of benefits, gratitude isn’t something that comes naturally to most people. There are several reasons why some people find gratitude harder than others. One of the things that can make gratitude feel hard is that it can take time to really internalize the benefits of gratitude. When you start practicing gratitude, you aren’t necessarily going to experience instant results. In fact, it can take a couple of weeks to start seeing the benefits of your daily gratitude practice. Many people simply give up due to failing to see results early on. So, you are going to need to push through and trust that results are coming.

Another potential obstacle to gratitude is time constraints. You may feel you don’t have the time to dedicate to being more thankful. However, did you know it can take as little as 10-15 minutes each day to build up a more grateful mindset? These are some of the main reasons why gratitude is so hard for some people. If you are struggling, it could be down to things that aren’t within your control. However, that doesn’t mean you can’t work on building up your gratitude muscle. There are lots of ways you can become more grateful and incorporate gratitude into your life. 

How to Be More Grateful

You don’t need to have a natural affinity for gratitude. There are lots of ways you can develop a more grateful mindset if it doesn’t come naturally to you.  As we are all different, you’ll find what works for someone else may not work for you. To get you started on your gratitude journey, let’s look at some of the most effective tips you can follow…

• Add gratitude to your daily routine. If you want to reap the benefits of gratitude, you are going to need to add it into your daily life. That means fitting it into your daily routine. Many people prefer to practice gratitude first thing in the morning. When you are enjoying your cup of coffee, grab your journal and write a list of the things you are grateful for. Alternatively, you can also do this last thing at night before you go to bed.  When you add gratitude into your daily routine, it soon becomes a habit just like brushing your teeth.
• Embrace challenges and tough times. It is more difficult to practice gratitude when you are going through a tough time. However, pushing through and focusing on the things you are grateful for can help you to better deal with difficult situations. A good tip is to embrace the challenges and tough times. Look at what the situation is teaching you and any positive things you can take from it. In some situations, such as losing a loved one, showing gratitude is particularly tough. However, you can focus on how they would want you to feel. Would your lost loved one want you feeling constantly sad or would they want you to live life as best you can? Embracing challenges isn’t always easy. I lost my mother in 2014 and that was a particularly tough time for me to practice gratitude but as those moments of sadness come to the surface I remember to be grateful for the time that I did have with my mother, I remember to be grateful that I had a mother and that she was a positive influence in my life and that my daughters had their grandmother in their life. 
• Practice mindfulness. Mindfulness has become one of the most important tools for gratitude. Whether you prefer meditation, journaling, yoga, prayer, or another type of reflection-oriented mental or physical practice, it can help you to develop a more grateful mindset. Nothing can beat the relaxing feeling you get from practicing mindfulness on a daily basis. When the mind is calm and relaxed, you will find it much easier to become a more thankful person.
• Be thankful for the small things. You don’t have to wait for big events to be thankful. Practicing gratitude means being grateful for everything in your life, including the small things. So, when you are writing your gratitude list, don’t forget to include the small stuff such as you got out of bed in the morning, or you managed to smile during a difficult time.  When you start to focus on the small things you are grateful for, your brain will start to look for the positive in everything.
• Express your gratitude to others. Gratitude isn’t just about you. To develop a more grateful mindset, you need to express your gratitude to others too. Remind the people you love why they are important to you. Write a letter to somebody who helped you and show appreciation when something is done for you. When you express gratitude to other people, it helps to make them feel appreciated, strengthening your relationships.  

How to Feel Gratitude Without Feeling Guilty

One of the main issues many people have with gratitude is the guilt that can come with it. You may find it hard to enjoy a sense of gratitude if you know somebody else is going through a tough time. Or perhaps you have lost somebody close to you and it feels wrong to feel grateful or happy. If you are struggling to feel gratitude without feeling guilty, here you’ll discover some good tips to follow… 

• Remember that you are worthy.  If your guilt comes from feeling like you don’t deserve happiness, it may be helpful for you to work on your mindset. It is important to remember that like everyone else, you are worthy of happiness. When you feel guilty for being happy, it could point to low self-esteem. By working on how you feel about yourself, you will start to realize that gratitude isn’t selfish. It is a necessity for living a happy, healthy life. You are worthy, and you need to consistently remind yourself of that.
• Accept you cannot change someone else’s situation.  If you know somebody going through a difficult time, counting your blessings may feel wrong. However, this just shows how much empathy you have. The truth is you cannot always change somebody else’s situation. The reason they are going through tough times is down to the decisions and circumstances of their own life. Just because somebody you know is going through a tough time, doesn’t mean you don’t deserve to be happy. In fact, by practicing gratitude, it can help you to be a better source of support. You will be able to identify opportunities and solutions easier than they can.
• Giving gratitude isn’t just about you.  A common reason you may feel guilty about practicing gratitude is because you feel it’s selfish. Focusing on all of the things that you have can feel materialistic and even narcissistic in some cases. However, the truth is real gratitude isn’t about you. When you practice gratitude, it helps those around you too. You become a more positive, happier person to be around. You also express gratitude to others, helping them to feel more appreciated.  Adding daily gratitude to your life isn’t selfish. It is a great tool for strengthening relationships and making others feel good too.
• Write a gratitude letter.  Following on from the last point, if gratitude feels selfish to you, focus it onto somebody else. Writing a gratitude letter can help you to feel more positive. You’ll feel good that you are making somebody else feel happier. Think about how you would feel if you received a gratitude letter from somebody. By showing others how thankful you are, you’ll feel much less guilty about adding gratitude to your daily life.

Gratitude and guilt do often go hand in hand. However, you’ll find over time that guilt will fade. This is especially true if you focus on the tips above.

As I was putting this blog post together, it really called to mind a time in my life when I struggled with gratitude, for many of the reasons that I wrote about above.  Back when my daughters were in middle school, I was working full-time (and traveling frequently for work), going to school, and trying to parent as a single mom to the best of my abilities.  It was often overwhelming and felt like a daily struggle–but prayer and keeping a gratitude journal (even if I wasn’t able to write in it every day) were so helpful to guiding me through those tough times. I’ll be honest, it wasn’t always easy and there were days when writing in my gratitude journal didn’t magically or instantly make me feel better.  But I kept at it, and overall, these practices improved my outlook and carried me through one of the more stressful periods of my life. What gratitude practices keep you going in difficult times? Feel free to share in the comments, and you just may inspire someone else who’s facing similar difficulties to find strength in gratitude!     

• The Mental Benefits Of Gratitude. Practicing gratitude helps your overall mental health because you instantly have a better outlook on life. Don’t be surprised to walk away from your latest gratitude meditation with a big smile on your face. Of course, the benefits don’t stop at increased happiness. Feeling more gratitude has been linked to a better self-image, less anxiety and even a reduction of depression. This comes as no surprise to scientists who have recorded increased levels of dopamine and serotonin after intentional gratitude meditations.
• The Physical Benefits Of Gratitude. This is where it gets interesting. It’s one thing to feel better emotionally, but the release of these “feel-good” hormones affects your physical body as well. Gratitude reduces stress and with it, you’re sleeping better, your blood pressure lowers, and you have more energy. As a result, you move more, leading to even better overall physical health. Maybe your gratitude exercise motivates you to go out for a walk, getting more oxygen into your body and loading up on Vitamin D. Being able to sleep soundly reduces appetite and less stress helps you make smarter food choices. All these things work hand in hand to turn you into a healthier and stronger version of yourself.

How can you tap into both the mental and physical benefits of gratitude? By feeling more of it. Of course, that’s easier said than done. A great place to start is by creating a habit of thinking of at least one person or one thing you are deeply grateful for each morning as soon as you wake up. It sets the tone for the whole day and gets you off to a great start to reap these powerful benefits.

Forgiveness-What’s Holding You Back

The more you read and learn about the power of gratitude on both body and mind, the more amazed you will be about how much it can do for you. Think back on the last time you held a grudge. What did that feel like? Did you have a pit in your stomach? Did you have trouble sleeping? Were you distracted from other, more important things? What did you lose because you chose to stay angry at the other person?

But here’s the kicker: the person you’re holding the grudge against might not even know it, or they might not even remember what they did. They are not suffering because you’re upset. You are. You’re holding on to all that negativity and over time, that can contribute to stress and erode your well-being.  Don’t let holding a grudge make you sick. Instead, focus on forgiveness and gratitude. Take a deep breath and find it in your heart to forgive the other person. It’s not easy, but it is within your power.

And if you’re struggling to forgive a toxic person or a harmful thing that someone said or did, remember–forgiving someone doesn’t mean that you need to let them back into your life, or put yourself back in a situation that allows them to hurt you again. It’s OK to forgive but still draw healthy boundaries for yourself. Forgiveness is actually less about the other person’s actions and more about you. Do it for yourself because you know you will instantly feel better and it will do wonders for your mental health and state of mind. 

But What If You’re Stuck in Negativity?

Practicing gratitude and focusing on positivity is easier said than done. Especially if you are struggling with anxiety and depression; if you ever find yourself spiraling into the deep pit of depression then get help if you need it.  There’s nothing wrong with talking to a counselor or getting therapy. It’s the smart thing to do. 

When things aren’t quite that bad, there’s a lot you can do to get yourself unstuck from all that negativity. Start by acknowledging the negative feelings that are coming up and putting them into words. How exactly do you feel? Is it anger or annoyance? Frustration or disappointment? Try to be specific. Dig deep. Yes, it can be painful and some people prefer to avoid thinking about these feelings, but the first step to getting yourself unstuck is determining exactly where you are emotionally.

Once you’ve identified the feeling, you can start to work on discovering what caused them. Sometimes the answer is obvious. Other times, not so much. In either case, I encourage you to dig deep because often the obvious answer isn’t the real root cause. Yes, you may be mad at your spouse for running up the credit card bill, but if you dig deep, you may discover that there are some underlying core values that don’t align between the two of you. Once you find the true reason for your negative feelings, you can start to work to resolve them. What that looks like will vary from case to case. The important takeaway here is that it gives you something specific and meaningful to do. You no longer feel out of control or helpless. It’s something you can work with and that alone will help you think more positively

In addition, it allows you to distance yourself a little from the negative feelings. You may still be upset with your spouse, but it also gives you the space to remember everything you love about them. It gives you the space to act outside of the negativity and have a good relationship while you work things out. And sometimes, it may give you the mental space you need to realize that it is up to you to decide if you want to continue to dwell in the negativity, or choose a route of forgiveness. You can’t change everything or everyone. Sometimes your path toward positivity is to acknowledge your negative feelings and then let them go.

Of course all of this is easier said than done. A journal can be a great tool to help you along the way. Try talking to a close friend or confidant when you feel stuck and you can’t see a path towards positivity. An outside perspective can give a lot of clarity. Meditation can be helpful as well. Last but not least, surround yourself with positivity.  Get outside and enjoy nature. Spend some time helping others. And don’t forget to remind yourself regularly of everything you have to be grateful for.

Turning Gratitude Outward – Sharing With The World

Practicing gratitude regularly has a big impact on your life, your health, and your mental and emotional wellbeing. But it doesn’t end there. It will also have a big impact on those around you and the world at large when you start to turn your gratitude outwards and share it far and wide. What if, instead of simply practicing gratitude for yourself, you take it out to the world at large? What could happen? What force of good could you create? There is no telling how many lives you could influence for the better. Let’s take a look at how you, I, and everyone else reading this can start to turn their gratitude outward and share it with those around them.

• Random Acts of Kindness. Do something kind for a stranger. This can be something as simple as giving an open and honest smile to a stranger on the street or a few kind words and a compliment for the cashier ringing up your groceries. Or it could be taking a meal to an elderly neighbor or buying a drink for the person behind you in the coffee shop drive-thru line. Make it a goal to do something kind for someone each day and do it intentionally.
• Respect And Thank Those Who Serve You. There are so many people in our communities that serve us from first responders to the server at your favorite restaurant. Make it a point to be respectful and thank them with words, with actions, and in the case of service staff perhaps with a generous tip. Show them how grateful you are for everything they do to make your life easier. 
• Volunteer In Your Community. What better way to show your gratitude than to give your time and your skills? There are many opportunities for anyone to volunteer in various projects and for a variety of different causes. See what’s available around you and make an effort to put in some time to volunteer each month. Not only is it a wonderful way to give back and spread gratitude, but you’ll be amazed at how much you get out of it.

Finally, I want to close by adding that I’m grateful for the grace that you, my regular readers, have given me for getting a little off track on my weekly posting schedule in October! It was an especially intense month of work, work travel, and of course, keeping my business going, and a couple of blog posts fell by the wayside. I’ll be taking a break from posting again during the week of Thanksgiving, but until then I’m excited to get back to my weekly schedule and hope you find some tips and insights in this month’s posts to help keep you centered and energized as we head into a busy holiday season and the last two months of the year!  

Picking up from last week’s theme, I wanted to share some additional tips for making discipline a habit.  Some of these may be familiar concepts to my regular readers–for example, accountability.  Accountability with a trusted friend, colleague, or family member can help with developing discipline.  Many people think self-discipline means doing it all on your own, but it does not mean that at all. In fact, having a coach, or a group, or an accountability partner can really help you to develop more discipline.  An example would be when someone puts off housework until they know someone is coming over, and they race around to get the house all tidy before their visitor arrives. It is far easier to give in and be less disciplined when you just have yourself in the picture. When you have a person or people hold you accountable, though, you are far more likely to make sure it happens.    

An accountability partner is someone you set up a contract with to hold each other accountable for reaching goals. This is a mutual pact and is probably the easiest to set up. The goals do not have to be the same ones, the point is to connect on a regular basis, often once a week, and share with each other how much you have accomplished.  The best way to do this is to break up the task into daily chunks and do each one each day so that you are not trying to finish up the project the night before you meet with your accountability partner.  (For more on accountability, check out this blog post from April 2023.)

Using Challenges to Develop More Discipline

One way you can develop more discipline is to use challenges. This makes it more like a game and less like a chore. Also there can be the element of friendly competition with others and having others help hold you accountable which improves your odds of success.  Challenges are very popular and you can find them in many places across the internet and social media. Or you can make up your own and share it with a group of people. However, you end up doing it is up to you.

When looking to see if a challenge will be useful to you, there are some factors to look for, so you can best benefit. Is the challenge realistic? You want to stretch yourself, but not to the point where it might be too difficult to succeed. For example you could challenge yourself to cook all your meals at home for the next 30 days in order to save money on take-out or restaurant food, but that might be challenging if, for instance, you have travel planned away from your home during that time, or if you have an especially busy few days with work, kids’ activities, or other family obligations on deck. You also want the challenge to not be too easy. You need to see if you have the time to devote to it. Be sure to include time for learning new things, for example if you challenge yourself to build a new blogging website in 30 days, remember that if you have never done one before, you will have to learn some things and that will be extra time above just writing the blog posts.  (Having launched this blog earlier this year, I am all too aware from personal experience the time it can take to learn new website-building systems! )  

If the challenge is a large one over a longer period of time, are there clear-cut milestones along the way to help you have a sense of accomplishment? If your challenge, for example, is to find a new job or change careers entirely, you may want to build in smaller steps and milestones along the way–such as making a list (written or mental) of what you’re looking for in your new career, writing or revamping your resume, researching job leads, networking informally or through informational interviews with people in the field you have your eye on, and so forth. 

When you do a group challenge, you have some added benefits. There is a sense of camaraderie when working together on a goal that you don’t get when just “competing” with yourself. Other people can give you ideas, too. For example, if you are in a group challenge focused on cooking more or eating out less, the group members can share recipes and support.

Organization Is a Major Tool in Developing Discipline

If you want to develop more self-discipline, it helps to get organized. Organization helps you feel less overwhelmed and makes it easier to get things done. You also can focus easier on your goals if you have a structure to both your day and your work environment.

For example, say you have a goal of writing a book. Lots of people want to write books, but many never end up finishing one–why? Because a monumental goal like that requires discipline and organization, and especially if there isn’t a fixed deadline imposed by someone else, it’s easy for our goals to fall to the back burner as day-to-day obligations get in the way. You cannot successfully write a book if you only write when you feel like it. You also are less likely to get much writing done if you are not organized. If your research for your book consists of pages that you have to search through every time you need something, or worse yet, find the notes buried in a pile of paperwork, you will find you spend more time on finding things instead of actually writing.

Scheduling your day is another way of organizing that will help you develop discipline. This is more than just having a to do list. You need to look at when you get up, when you go to bed, and block out times like work hours that cannot be used for accomplishing your goals. Then you need to take a look at the time left over and figure out how to best use it. One of the ways a lot of people add more time in their day is to get up an hour earlier and devote that time to their goals. Some people go to bed an hour later and use that time. Be realistic about how much time it takes to do the steps needed to accomplish your goal.

Organizing your workspace and your files on your computer are also ways to help you with developing discipline. By making sure you cut down on the time it takes for related tasks to accomplish your goals, you allow more time to actually do the work of the goal itself. To go back to the example of writing a book, if your research is well organized either in your workplace or in well-marked files on your computer, you will spend less time looking stuff up and more time actually writing. This will lead to faster writing as well since you are not interrupting the flow to spend time searching for something.   You will then be far more likely to actually finish writing that book. 

This is another example that really resonates with me from personal experience. In 2022 I was invited to contribute a chapter to The Entrepreneurs’ Toolkit for Success and I got a taste of the organization and discipline that writing required–and that was for a single chapter, not even a whole book!  Some of the tips and techniques that I described above really helped me stay on track, and I definitely plan to use them when I tackle my next writing goal of writing and publishing an entire book someday!  How have discipline and organization helped you get closer to achieving your goals?   

This week and next, I’m focusing on the topic of discipline: how we can develop it and how we can use it to our advantage in our learning and development journey.  Many of us might have an initial gut reaction to the term “discipline” that isn’t the most positive: perhaps we had childhood experiences that cause us to associate discipline with punishment; or even if we think of discipline as being more along the lines of self-discipline, it’s also common to think that self-discipline revolves around rule-following, working, or denying yourself treats or other indulgences. But productive, meaningful discipline shouldn’t be punitive, and it doesn’t have to be a chore. Instead, we can harness the power of discipline for our learning and development.     

Benefits of Self-Discipline

When you develop self-discipline, you have many beneficial results. These include a sense of accomplishment, more self-respect, and a better understanding of what you can do.  Discipline is not always easy, but it is well worth it. When you set goals and work on them every day until you accomplish the goal, you feel proud of yourself. Not only because you accomplished the goal, but because you did not quit. You stuck with your goals and made them happen. Think back to when you had a goal and worked on it every day until it was done. How did you feel?

When you discipline yourself to accomplish a goal, you also increase your self-respect. Think of the people you have the most respect for, and why you respect them. Chances are one of those reasons is that they have self-discipline. They set out to do something and they accomplish it. By doing the same for yourself, you can have more respect for who you are as a person.  You learn more of what you can do. When you set goals and challenge yourself to meet them, you will find out that you can overcome obstacles that you might have thought were too difficult. You learn more about who you are and what you can accomplish when you set your mind to it.

Many times, we put limitations on ourselves that aren’t really accurate.  In the coaching world, we sometimes call this phenomenon “limiting beliefs” and they can pertain to topics large or small, specific or wide-ranging.  “I’m not athletic, I could never run a 5K race (or a half-marathon, marathon, etc)”; “I’m too old (or too young) to do ____”; “I’m not creative enough to be an entrepreneur”; “I’ll never get ahead in life” are all examples of limiting beliefs that can hold us back. These beliefs can be shaped by a whole host of deep-seated factors, sometimes going as far back as our childhood.  Many of us have limiting beliefs that were influenced by the habits, mindset, or circumstances of our parents or our extended community–perhaps without us even being consciously aware of it at the time. Or negative experiences in school or the workplace might have shaken our confidence and caused self-doubt to take root in our minds. Limiting beliefs can be powerful, pervasive, and persistent.  

Think about something you think is not possible. Is it really impossible or are you setting a limitation that is artificial? One way to find out is to set a goal and make it happen. Obviously, some goals won’t happen overnight. Progress might be slow and gradual, depending on your starting point, the magnitude of your goal, and the distance between those start and finish lines. (If you’re really feeling bogged down by your limiting beliefs and need some extra support, a skilled coach can be a great resource for helping you get “unstuck” and chart a new path forward.)

You can use this mindset to practice embracing some of the benefits of discipline. Figure out a goal that you want to do and set up milestones along the way. Then each day do something to make those milestones happen. It doesn’t have to be anything major, just one more small step on the way to your final goal. When you reach that final goal, take stock of how you feel about yourself and what you are capable of doing. (For much more on goal setting, see my April 2023 blog series.)

Discipline in Bite Sized Steps

But what are some ways to begin practicing self-discipline that are manageable, achievable and don’t reinforce those negative perceptions of discipline as being too limiting and deprivation-focused?  One of the ways that people struggle with developing self-discipline, is trying to make too many changes at once–not just by doing more than one goal at a time, but by making those goals way too large. Either of these approaches can lead to us feeling deprived, discouraged, and ultimately demotivated.

An example of too many goals at once might be someone choosing to quit smoking, improve their eating habits, exercise regularly, build a successful business, and get out of debt, all at the same time. All of these goals are common things that many people strive to achieve and that can be beneficial for our longer-term health, wealth, and quality of life.  But if you try to do them all at once, though, you will probably find it to be too much and quit. This is one of the reasons why some of those big, bold New Year’s resolutions that we make every January 1 tend to fizzle out as the year goes on. Instead, focus on one or two of your goals for the first several months, to give yourself time to make new habits, notch some small “wins” to celebrate, and use that momentum to move on to other goals. 

For example, if your most urgent goal is to quit smoking because you’re concerned about the long-term health effects and the day-to-day impact on your budget, you might start by focusing just on that goal. You could spend a couple of months getting rid of the cigarettes and using aids like the nicotine patch to help. Then once you feel that you’ve reached a place of stability and confidence in meeting that goal, you can move on to tackle others.

You may find changing your diet and exercising more to be really overwhelming goals because they are huge ones–and so generic that it can be difficult to pinpoint where to start. So, another tactic to help you with discipline is to break them down into smaller goals. If you look across your food and drink consumption and decide that you want to focus on cutting out soda, for example, maybe you break it down into this week you cut your soda intake in half, then week two you cut it out completely. If you do this week by week making one small change, you may find it easier to stay in control.

Another way you can break it down is by intensity. So, say you want to exercise more, but you have not exercised in years. If you start with something like a full workout, you may give up or get injured and then be unable to exercise at all. So instead of going full tilt, you can start by doing mini workouts at a lower intensity for a few days, and over time add more minutes to your workout until you reach at least 20 to 30 minutes of activity. You can also over time increase the intensity of your workout as you get stronger and in better shape. By breaking down the goals into bite-sized steps, you can make it easier to develop the discipline you need to accomplish them. You will also improve the chances of success in changing your habits.

Self-discipline doesn’t have to be a practice that we dread or fear! When we start to see discipline not as something that’s imposed on us but as a tool that we are in control of, we can use it to further our personal and professional development goals.  Next week, I’ll share more tips about how to practice discipline in a healthy and effective way, and in the meantime, feel free to share any examples of a time when you broke discipline down into some bite-sized steps!     

We’ve probably all heard about “self-esteem” as a buzzword and gotten messages from friends, family, social media, or other sources about how important it is–and that’s certainly true. Self-esteem is paramount because it’s difficult to have good mental health if you don’t have healthy self-esteem. This means that it is every bit as important as people say. But what exactly is self-esteem? And how do you cultivate it or improve it? 

While self-esteem has many components, it comes down to one thing: how you feel about yourself. Do you like yourself? Do you believe that you are worthy and valuable? Do you respect yourself and insist that others do the same? Those all contribute to healthy self-esteem (a phrasing that I tend to prefer, compared to talking about “good” vs. “bad” self-esteem, though I sometimes use those terms).  The components of self-esteem include one’s sense of identity (do you know who you are?), one’s sense of purpose (why you do what you do), a feeling of belonging, feeling secure (mentally, physically, and emotionally), and feeling competent at one or more things.

Since self-esteem is so important, it makes sense to talk about its components and what causes it to rise and fall. The various components of self-esteem–identity, belonging, security, competence, and purpose–are affected by things that happen throughout life. Having a healthy amount of all five components is necessary to have good self-esteem. You cannot have a   critically low level of one component and have healthy self-esteem no matter how high you score on the other components. Adverse events in childhood (bullying, trauma, detached parents or relatives, for example) are a common cause of low self-esteem.  Adult-onset cases of low self-esteem can also occur due to life events such as job loss, setbacks on a career or personal goal, health crises, divorce, and so forth.

Regardless of the causes of low self-esteem, for many of us, there are things we can do to improve it.  However, I also want to note that there may be times when we can’t think, read, journal, meditate, etc. our way out of low self-esteem or mental health struggles–and for those of us in that situation, it is so necessary to know that you don’t have to do it yourself.  It’s OK to reach out for help from a trusted, expert health/mental health professional. (My expertise is in coaching and I’m a true believer in the power of coaching to help folks get “unstuck” or find clarity on their goals and a roadmap to achieving them. But us coaches are also trained to recognize that coaching is not therapy or mental health care and that there are some circumstances that a licensed mental health professional is best-equipped to address.)

That’s all to say–use some of the below tips to reflect and do some “DIY” self-esteem work, but also take care of yourself and seek additional professional support and help if you need it!

Recognizing Self-Esteem

Before you can learn how to raise your self-esteem, you need to first be sure that you are dealing with low self-esteem. How can you tell if someone has low self-esteem? These are the most common symptoms, but this list is by no means comprehensive.

• Self-Criticism and Denigration. Being constantly negative and self-critical is one of the surest signs of low self-esteem. It is not okay to put anyone down, and most especially not yourself. This includes all forms of denigrating oneself, including in a joking fashion.
• Thinking Other People Are Better Than You. Every person is valuable and has inherent worth just by virtue of being human. No one person is better than any other. Feeling less than or less valuable than any other person is a flashing warning sign about low self-esteem.
• Lack of Boundaries. Some folks who struggle with boundaries tend to be chronic people-pleasers. Not being able to say “no” to something you do not want to do or take on is its hallmark, whether at work or in personal affairs. This can also show up in an inability to end or set firm rules around toxic or abusive relationships.
• Focusing On The Negatives. Is everything negative? Is there no good to be found in anything? Of course not! But when you have low self-esteem, it can seem that way. Those with low self-esteem tend to focus exclusively on the negatives and cannot see anything good.
• Fear Of Failure And/Or Criticism. The fear of failing and of not being liked are tied together in those with low self-esteem. They are often afraid to do anything for fear that they will fail. Likewise, the thought of being criticized for anything can send many with low self-esteem into a panic or a spiral of shame and self-hatred.

Interrupting And Changing Negative Thought Patterns

One of the first steps to improving your self-esteem is to interrupt the patterns that help keep it low. When you have low self-esteem, many of those thought patterns are negative. You have to interrupt those patterns if you want to raise your self-esteem. Then you have to change them. The first step in this process is to begin to pay attention to those patterns. Start noticing your self-talk. That is the way you talk to yourself about yourself. Notice what sets off a pattern of negative thoughts about yourself and where those thoughts tend to go. What sends you into a shame spiral or makes you feel worthless? What are the patterns?

Next, you have to learn to interrupt those thought patterns when they start. You have to consciously stop them and go “No–this is not true,” and add something that is true. You have to do this over and over again. Sometimes you will fail, especially at first, but you just have to keep going and try again. As you work through this process, you will begin to lay down new patterns and form new connections to replace the old.

Stop Comparing Yourself To Others

It has been said that comparison is the thief of joy. Well, it also steals self-esteem. Nothing will kill your self-esteem faster than comparing yourself to another person, especially someone you feel like you are in competition with for one reason or another.

• Remember That You Do Not Know Everything. All you know about this other person is what you see on the outside. Even if it is a friend or relative, you do not know their thoughts and feelings. There are things they do not tell you. They have struggles and challenges you know nothing about. They might even be struggling with low self-esteem themselves. (I’ve often been surprised to learn that someone who–to me–seemed abundantly and effortlessly confident was in fact having the same self-doubts about themselves that I experienced myself!)
• Avoid Your Triggers. What causes you to play the comparison game? Chances are, it only occurs in certain situations and does not happen every day. Think back to the times it has happened and see if you can spot any patterns. Look for specific people and/or specific events or social functions. When you figure out what triggers it, start avoiding those situations until you have improved your self-esteem. 

Practice Accepting Yourself

All people share certain things in common, but we are also all unique. Each human being is born with a combination of skills, talents, interests, personality characteristics, and so forth that have never been seen before and will never be seen again. When you have low self-esteem, it is unlikely that you accept this premise, and even if you do, you probably still do not think much of yourself as a unique person.

Start to change this narrative by making a list of your good qualities, strengths, and things that make you unique. After you have made the list, read it several times each day, for example once in the morning and again in the evening. Repeat it whenever you feel down on yourself.  Work on forgiving yourself for not being perfect. No one is, but somehow you have gotten it into your mind that you should be the exception and are comparing yourself to an impossible standard. Look yourself in the eyes in a mirror and say “I’m not perfect, but no one is. I’m fine the way I am.” (It might feel a bit silly or unnatural at first, but I’ve practiced affirmations and mantras more over the past few years, and it’s surprising how powerful of an effect they can have!)

Learn to let go of the things about yourself you cannot change. You cannot change the past, or your natural talents, or certain aspects of your body or personality. Stop trying. It is just going to hurt your self-esteem even more. As you do all of these things, they will slowly come to be a part of your makeup and affect your subconscious. As time passes, you will accept yourself more and more.

I’ll be honest, this work isn’t easy! It can be difficult to heal from adverse childhood or adult experiences that affect our self-esteem.  Those persistent, ingrained thought patterns are hard to disrupt. Like other aspects of self-improvement, self-esteem is a journey and building healthy self-esteem takes practice. Challenging ourselves can be good for our growth, but make sure you’re giving yourself grace and patience as well. I’ve struggled with self-esteem too, though I’m proud of the progress that I’ve made–with the support of friends, family, colleagues, coaches, and mentors–and I’ve seen how better self-esteem gives me the confidence I need to step up to my full potential in my work and in my business.  What wins are you celebrating in your self-esteem and self-improvement journey?      

 But what is self-reflection, exactly? Self-reflection is the act of evaluating our own thoughts, feelings, behaviors, and actions to better understand ourselves. Self-reflection is an excellent tool to evaluate any circumstance we find ourselves in to consider our role in the situation and what’s in our control to do differently in the future. Looking within helps determine what we may be doing in any given situation that is causing us friction in our lives. Self-reflection can help with:   

• Better understanding your current situation
• Helping you take ownership of the situation
• Making an effective plan to improve or take action on something
• Setting healthier boundaries with others
• Increasing your self-esteem

It may not seem natural to evaluate yourself and look for ways you can change, but it is a powerful way to improve your health, relationships, and overall quality of life. Understanding that you have the power to analyze your role in nearly every scenario and situation you’re in can help you grow, mature, and live a healthier life.

Looking Back is Just as Important as Looking Forward

We’ve all heard the encouraging mantras designed to keep us moving forward in life: “keep your eyes on the prize,” “inhale the future, exhale the past,” “the windshield is larger than the rearview mirror,” and so on. These powerful statements are designed to motivate you to leave the past behind you and focus on the future.

Looking forward is important. In some ways it’s true, you can’t change or control the past, but perhaps you can change and control the future. When we feel stuck, scared, or overwhelmed trying to manage life, it’s important to keep moving forward. Step by step, we can overcome any setbacks and achieve our goals. Some great ways to keep moving forward include:

• Take it one day at a time. Don’t overwhelm yourself with too much at once. Making changes in any area of life isn’t easy. Take one day at a time and be proud of your progress.
• Stay positive. Your mindset is powerful. If you adopt a positive mindset about change you can manage the bumps in the road as a necessary part of evolution.  (Having said that, know that it’s also OK to feel frustrated, “stuck,” or sad sometimes too. “Positivity” shouldn’t be a source of stress or something you feel pressure to maintain if it’s not your authentic mindset in any particular moment.)
• Slow and steady is the perfect pace. Taking things one day at a time can help you keep a steady pace with change and keep your eyes focused ahead towards progress.

Looking forward is important and powerful when it comes to making changes or reaching your goals, but there are times when looking back before going forward is actually just as, or even more, important.

We often discourage looking back thinking it’s useless when it comes to progress. Dwelling on the past or ruminating over things that have already happened is often seen as a waste of time, but to a degree, it’s important and helpful.  Looking back will help you better understand yourself: We often live our lives moving forward but understand them looking back. Self-reflection provides an opportunity for analysis on our thoughts, behaviors, and attitudes. This can help us better understand why we act, react, or do the things we do. Looking back can help us determine if we want to do things differently moving forward.

Looking back can also figure out if there are patterns or habits that aren’t serving you anymore–and give you a starting point to change those patterns. We all have some regrettable memories in our past, times that maybe we missed the mark or suffered an unexpected outcome. In the moment, we may not have realized how our behaviors or thoughts would impact the situation but looking back it’s evident. Self-reflection can help us recognize where we contributed to an unwanted outcome and make a better plan moving forward.

While it’s very important to keep moving forward when it comes to change, it’s also important to strategically look back to evaluate and analyze what needs to change for a successful future. Self-reflection is an excellent tool that can keep you from taking one step forward and two steps back.  But how does one self-reflect? What does that process look like?

Asking Open-Ended Introspective questions? The Key to Healthy Self-Reflection

Knowing that self-reflection is a good idea is the first step, the second is discovering how to self-reflect.

• Self-Reflection Requires You to Pause. In order to self-reflect, you’ve got to get quiet. Healthy and effective introspection requires hitting the pause button and stopping the chaos long enough to get a clear head that can process important information. Getting quiet and concentrating on yourself is important so you can uncover the ways you may be getting in your own way and falling short of your goals, hopes, and dreams. One of the best ways to self-reflect is asking yourself open-ended questions. Asking these types of questions can help you fill in the blanks or explore things in a deeper way. Here are some examples of questions that are great for introspection: What motivated my actions? What factors contribute to this recurring pattern? What prompted their reaction towards me? What shapes my current thought processes? By inquiring into motivations behind your actions this can help you stop and think about the things that trigger you into behaviors or habits you want to change or wonder why certain things keep happening. It’s important to look for clues that alert you to what’s going on deep down.
• Keep a Journal to Help with the Process. Journaling is a great way to keep track of your self-reflection and understand the reasons behind the situations and outcomes you experience. You can simply ask yourself exploratory questions and record your thoughts in your journal. Over time you can see patterns develop and use them to make changes. Journaling has helped me get my thoughts and feelings down on paper, and I’ve found that sometimes the act of writing something out lets thoughts flow that might otherwise not have surfaced if I was simply mulling things over in my head. (I have lots more thoughts about journaling–look out for that as a blog-series topic in a future month soon!)   

If you’re ready to do some healthy self-reflection, start by asking yourself some open-ended introspective questions? These questions have the power to unlock a world of information that can help you change the way you think and act, making it easier to achieve your goals.

I hope this post has given you some insight into why self-reflection is an important part of self-improvement and how to begin self-reflecting. If you’re still feeling a bit stuck, coaching can be a great way to kick-start self-reflection with some support and a framework (coaches are trained and skilled at asking some of those “powerful questions” that prompt self-reflection) but the beauty of self-reflection is that you can do it anytime, anywhere, and with anyone or in solitude with yourself–whatever approach feels right for you. Try taking a few moments this week to self-reflect, and feel free to let me know what you learn and how it feels! 

But how do we do that, exactly? What does it mean, to have a “strength,” and how can we identify and make the most of them?      

Strengths and Passions Aren’t the Same Thing

When it comes to strengths, they aren’t the same as passions. Strengths are attributes that each of us has that come easily and may set us apart or give us an advantage. Passion is a focus of energy into an activity that goes well beyond what is usually required. Strengths pertain more to abilities while passions are associated with interests.

• You Can Have Strengths that Aren’t Passions. You can have abilities and strengths that aren’t passions. You may be extremely organized but have no passion for organization. For some, being organized is simply utilitarian. You can also find the chemistry of cooking very easy but prefer to get take-out. Every tall person doesn’t want to play basketball, and so on.
• You Can Have Passions that Don’t Include Your Strengths. Sometimes our passions don’t include our strengths. We may be passionate about dance but have two left feet. We could be intrigued and love art but have no ability to draw. Passions don’t require perfection as much as they require interest. Sometimes our strengths develop when we pursue our passions out of the exposure that comes from engaging in a passion project. You may be able to learn to draw as you dive deeper into your love for art.          
• Sometimes Passions and Strengths Collide. Sometimes we breathe the rare air where our passions, talents, and strengths combine. Under these circumstances our passions jive with our skill sets and we can wonderfully, effortlessly, and seamlessly create or engage in the things we are passionate about.
• Pursue Passions and Strengths Equally. Even though passions and strengths are not the same, they deserve to be pursued and celebrated equally. Considering what strengths you have and choosing to maximize them and play them to your advantage is smart, but it’s equally important to pursue your passions whether they encompass all of your strengths or not.

Your strengths and your passions add to your personal enjoyment in life and your self-esteem. Doing things that come easily or building a life and career around things you do well… and are passionate about, is ideal. This is a true form of working smarter, not harder. In the end, if you focus on doing things you love, whether you are great at them or not, you’ll increase your overall satisfaction in life, reducing depression, anxiety, and increasing your sense of personal satisfaction.

Tools To Identify Your Top Strengths

Everyone has strengths, though not everyone is aware of them. Knowing your top strengths can increase self-awareness and make it easier to make wise decisions in your best interest. Strengths are innate abilities that give us an advantage and generally require little effort. We have strengths in all areas of life, including:

• What we know – knowledge based strengths
• What we do – transferable skill sets
• Who we are – personal abilities

Knowledge based strengths give us an edge: the more you know about a specific subject, the more advantage you have. Specialized training, education, and hands-on experience all enhance knowledge. Transferable skills set us apart. What you can do easier and better than others gives you an advantage. Whether you have an innate talent for artistry or have mastered public speaking over time, your talents become an asset that sets you apart.  Personal abilities come from within: you were born with personal character traits and a unique personality that operates like no one else. This couples with your personal life experience and shapes how you view and operate within the world. The combination of your mindset and unique perspective affords you with special skills and talents others don’t have.

Assessing your Strengths

If you aren’t certain what strengths you have in these areas, there are tools you can use to find out. Taking a moment to discover your strengths can help you develop them further and use them to your advantage as well as help you notice any deficits you may want to overcome. Here are some easy resources to use that will identify your strengths.

• Strengthsfinder Testing. There are a range of tests that break down strengths into categories and offer a range of your top skill sets. High 5 Tests is a free online test that uses a rating scale to assess skills and generate your top five skill sets.
• Meyers Briggs Test.This test is a time-honored test designed to help people identify how they see the world and make decisions. The test is a self-reporting questionnaire style test and results in assigning a combination of categories that represent introversion or extroversion, sensing or intuition, thinking or feeling, judging or perceiving.

Knowing your strengths gives you an advantage and helps you capitalize on the things you do well. Taking the time to assess your strengths makes sense when there are a wide variety of tools available.

Hidden Strengths You May Not Give Yourself Enough Credit For

There are strengths we possess that seem obvious. Thanks to formal education, we generally know areas where we are gifted. We usually know if we are strong in math, science, art, reading, writing, or other subjects.  Our careers often highlight our transferable skills. Based on our work, we know what skill sets we have that come easier for us than others. We may be excellent at conflict resolution, marketing, communication, or leadership, but we often have hidden strengths we may not give ourselves credit for.

Our personal abilities tend to be character traits, behaviors, and innate ways of being that seem so normal we don’t value them as strengths…but they are!  Here’s why:

• Your personality can be a strength
• Your character can be a strength
• Your habits can be a strength

These types of strengths tend to be downplayed because they feel like core values and tenants and may not be considered traditional strengths, but they have immense value and add to your skill sets. Here’s how:

• Your Personality Has the Potential to be a Powerful Strength. When you have a healthy personality, it is definitely an advantage. From having a great sense of humor to having empathy for others, your personality can make a large difference in how you get along with others. People who are easy to be around and generate positive energy have an easier time in work and in the community.
• Your Character Has the Potential to be a Powerful Strength. The strength of your character and how you carry yourself can be a significant strength. Having a strong moral compass or refusing to gossip can set you apart from other people. Great leaders tend to have strong character which helps them build solid teams and earn trust from their subordinates. In your personal life, strong character can help you keep healthy friendships and raise healthy families.
• our Habits Have the Potential to be a Powerful Strength. Your good habits are part of what brings you success. From being organized to the ability to create and stick to a schedule, there are unlimited habits that give you an edge. These habits easily translate to strengths you may not be aware of. You may be committed to a healthy eating lifestyle or make exercise a mandatory part of your daily life. These unique habits are strengths that should be considered when thinking about what sets you apart from others. When you think about it, there are probably many hidden strengths you haven’t given yourself enough credit for. It’s time to recognize them as assets and maximize them to their fullest.

I hope this post has given you some ideas for how to recognize and optimize your existing strengths! I know it’s not always easy…especially when our “inner critic” tries their best to make us doubt our strengths!  I had my own “aha” moment years ago when I realized that training and meeting facilitation are some of my biggest strengths.  Being a more introverted person, for a long time I associated facilitation with public speaking, which is an area where I didn’t feel so strong or confident. But I realized that being a good facilitator is as much about listening as it is about speaking–maybe even more so–and one of my hidden strengths was my ability to listen, synthesize information, and make my audience feel heard. Since then, I’ve “optimized” that strength–so much that I not only use it in my day job but I built a business around it.  What are some of your existing strengths and how will you make the most of them?    

Not all learning is academic. In fact, self-improvement is an important aspect of lifelong learning; it involves learning about ourselves, developing awareness and being attuned to ourselves, and taking action to change or improve the things about our lives that help us achieve our goals and overall satisfaction.  As it happens, September is also Self-Improvement Month, so I’m excited to talk about the concept of self-improvement in this month’s blog series. This week, I’ll be focusing on an important factor that ties into our self-improvement journey: habits. Habits are things that we do on a regular basis, enough so that they feel more like second nature to us than something we’re making a concerted effort to do.  These habits, in turn, are what helps us support and maintain our self-improvement goals, whatever those may be.           

Three Steps to Creating New Habits

We all have times in our lives where we intentionally want to change our behavior for the better and create new habits for ourselves. This could be getting in the habit of eating healthier and drinking more water. Or it could be moving more and taking the dog for a daily walk. Or it could be work related, or spiritual, or… There are so many areas in our lives that could be improved and made easier if we created new habits.

Getting into the habit of doing something is often easier said than done. As with many other areas of life, making changes to our habits can be challenging.  I want to take a moment here to note that when I talk about habits, I’m intentionally avoiding labeling them as “good” or “bad.” It’s common to see habits categorized this way—in content about health, wellness, personal finance, and many other areas—but as a coach who’s committed to a nonjudgmental approach, I generally don’t think this labeling is helpful. It’s not for me or anyone else to deem a habit “good” or “bad,” instead it’s up to you to decide whether a habit that you have is serving you or standing in your way, and whether and how you might want to change it or set a new habit.            

So, getting back to creating new habits: let’s break it down into a three-step process that makes it easy to follow until we’ve internalized the new behavior and made it a true habit – something we do automatically without having to think about, like brushing our teeth.

• Decide What You Want To Do. The first step is to decide what you want that new habit to be. Be as specific as possible. Don’t just tell yourself you want to move more. Instead say something like “I will go for a 30 minute walk every single day.”  (If this sounds familiar, that’s because it draws on the “S” in SMART goals that we discussed in a blog series earlier this year, and as with goal-setting, specificity in habit-setting is key.) Deciding what your new habit will be and committing to when and how you’re going to do it, is half the battle.
• Remind Yourself To Get It Done. The next few days should be smooth sailing. You’re motivated and excited to get this done. Sticking to your new habit isn’t an issue. But a few days in you’ll notice that it’s easy to slip back into old habits.  Maybe it’s raining and you don’t really want to go out and walk. Or maybe your day just gets away from you. This is when it’s important to have a daily reminder. Set an alert on your phone or add the new habit to your daily to-do list for a while.
• Make It Part Of Your Routine Until It Becomes A Habit. Which brings us to the last step. It takes some time before a new behavior becomes a true habit. Until then, a routine will work to your best advantage. Even before the new behavior becomes automatic, a routine will help you get it done without having to spend a lot of willpower or relying on daily reminders. Make that daily walk part of your after-dinner routine.

The Inverse Relationship Between Habits and Willpower

It can be hard to keep up willpower, especially when trying to set a new habit, or when that habit involves doing some things we aren’t that excited about in the moment—but that we know will benefit us and our goals in the long term. But what about getting up to take the kids to school every morning, brushing our teeth or going to work every day. Those may not be our favorite things to do either, but we do them daily without the risk of running out of willpower.

That’s because they have become habits. They are so ingrained in what we do and who we are that we do them without even considering skipping a day or a week. We don’t have to make a conscious decision each day to shower or drive to work. It’s just what we do – a habit. When you start to think about it, there is an inverse relationship between habits and willpower. When you first want to build a new habit, it takes a lot of willpower to get it done day in and day out. As you start to establish that habit, it becomes easier and easier to do until you don’t even have to think about it anymore.

While we’re in that transition from willpower to habit, we can use tools to make it easier. Use a to-do list or set a reminder to help stay on track. Find an accountability partner—another tactic that also helps with longer-term goal-setting–so the two of you can motivate each other and help bolster that willpower when it starts to fade after the first enthusiasm wears off. Even something as simple as laying out your clothes the night before and keeping your sneakers by the door will make it a little easier to go out for that walk or run, for example.  Do what you can to help your willpower along until you have made the new behavior a true habit. After that it’ll be easy and automatic and you’ve created a new lifelong habit.

How Long Does It Really Take To Create A New Habit?

You might have heard the common saying that it takes 21 days to form a new habit—but that’s kind of an odd and arbitrary timeframe, isn’t it?  So how long does it really take to create a new habit? The answer is that it depends.  Everyone’s situation is different, and I’m not a fan of attaching one-size-fits-all timeframes to new habit-creation, since that runs the risk of causing us to put pressure on ourselves or feel guilty if we haven’t embraced a new habit by someone else’s random deadline

It can also depend on how big of a change you’re making in moving from your old habit to the new one.  If it’s your habit to go to bed at midnight and you want to make a new habit of being in bed by 11:00pm, for example, it might not take long to make that relatively small change.  But if you’re looking to move toward, say, a 9:00pm bedtime, that might be more challenging and take longer (especially for folks who have caregiving or other home responsibilities that take up time in the evenings after work).

When we ask that question, what we really want to know is how long do we have to tough it out before it gets easier? Is there a light at the end of the tunnel where we don’t have to try so hard anymore? In other words, when will this new behavior become automatic?

While it will be different from one person to the next and even from one habit to the next, there are a few things to keep in mind. It’s easier to make a new habit than get rid of an old one. Be prepared to work a lot harder to give up checking your email every two minutes, if you’re trying to get out of the habit of being so tethered to your computer or mobile device. Whenever possible, try to replace an old habit with a new one. For example if you’re wanting to give up coffee, brew a cup of herbal tea in the morning and throughout the day when you would usually reach for your cup of joe.

Habits will form faster if you stick to the same time and environment each day. Instead of going for a walk whenever, keep your sneakers next to the door and schedule your walk every day at 6pm, right after dinner for example.  A constant reminder of why you’re trying to change your behavior is also helpful. Remind yourself every day that you’re exercising so your body stays strong, and you can go play with the kids or grandkids in the yard. Or that you’re cutting down on TV-watching or social media-scrolling time so that you can make faster headway on your market research and drafting a business plan for that entrepreneurial venture you’ve been dreaming of for years.  Yes, it will take some time to make new habits and replace old ones. But it will be well worth it in the end.

While it will be differI hope these tips on creating new habits will be helpful and inspiring to you! (I’ve used these myself and continue to use them as I make new habits of my own.) Next week, I’ll be back to discuss how to optimize our strengths (yes, we all have them, even if there are times where we’re in a rut and it’s hard to recognize our strengths!) in service of our self-improvement goals.