I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately, especially after our July conversations about realigning mid-year and having the courage to course-correct. While I was celebrating the wins and recalibrating my goals, I couldn’t ignore the weight of all the things I was still carrying that no longer served me. Old commitments that felt heavy. Mental loops that kept me stuck. Even physical items that cluttered my space and, honestly, my peace of mind. It turns out that giving yourself permission to realign isn’t just about adjusting your goals. It’s also about releasing what’s blocking your path to those goals. If you’re feeling that weight too, you’re not alone. And if you’re ready to create some breathing room in your life, let’s talk about decluttering not just our spaces, but our minds, bodies, and souls.

Why Decluttering Goes Beyond Your Closet

When we think about decluttering, we often picture sorting through clothes or organizing our desks. But true decluttering (the kind that transforms how we feel and move through the world) goes so much deeper. It’s about releasing the mental clutter that keeps us spinning in circles. It’s about letting go of relationships that drain rather than fill us. It’s about saying goodbye to commitments that were born from guilt rather than genuine desire to serve. This summer, I challenge you to think of decluttering as an act of self-respect. Every time you release something that doesn’t align with who you’re becoming, you’re making space for what does.

Decluttering Your Mind: Creating Mental Clarity

• Start with your thoughts. What stories are you telling yourself on repeat that aren’t serving you? Maybe it’s “I’m not good enough” or “I should be further along by now.” Write them down. See them for what they are – just thoughts, not truths.
• Practice the brain dump. Every morning for the next week, spend five minutes writing down everything swirling in your mind. Don’t edit, don’t organize, just dump. Then look at what you’ve written and ask: “What here actually needs my attention today, and what can I release?”
• Curate your information diet. Unsubscribe from newsletters that stress you out. Unfollow social media accounts that make you feel inadequate. Your attention is precious – protect it like the valuable resource it is.
• Create boundaries around worry. Set a timer for 10 minutes and allow yourself to worry about whatever is weighing on you. When the timer goes off, close that mental file and redirect your energy to something within your control.

Decluttering Your Body: Honoring Your Physical Space

• Start small and build momentum. Choose one drawer, one shelf, or one corner of a room. As you sort through items, ask yourself: “Does this add value to my life right now?” If the answer is no, thank it for its service and let it go.
• Apply the one-year rule. If you haven’t used something in a year and it’s not a sentimental keepsake, it’s probably time to release it. Someone else could benefit from what’s just taking up space in your life.
• Consider your energy levels. Notice how different spaces in your home make you feel. Does your bedroom feel restful? Does your workspace inspire productivity? Sometimes we need to declutter not just things, but entire energy patterns in our environment.
• Don’t forget your digital spaces. Clean up your phone’s photo library. Organize your computer files. Delete apps you never use. Our digital clutter affects our mental state more than we realize.

Decluttering Your Soul: Releasing What Weighs You Down

• Examine your commitments. List everything you’ve said yes to in the past six months. Which commitments light you up? Which feel like obligations? It’s okay to gracefully step back from things that aren’t aligned with your values or season of life.
• Evaluate your relationships. This doesn’t mean cutting people off, but it does mean being honest about which relationships energize you and which consistently drain you. You have permission to invest more deeply in relationships that are mutual and life-giving.
• Release old versions of yourself. Who did you think you had to be to be accepted or successful? What expectations are you carrying that aren’t actually yours? Sometimes the most powerful decluttering we can do is releasing who we thought we should be to make space for who we actually are.
• Practice forgiveness – especially self-forgiveness. What mistakes are you still carrying around? What disappointments are you replaying? Forgiveness doesn’t mean forgetting, but it does mean choosing not to let past experiences define your future possibilities.

Your Summer Decluttering Journey

Ready to put this into practice? Start with whatever area calls to you most – your mind, your physical spaces, or your soul. You don’t have to tackle everything at once. Sometimes the most powerful changes happen when we focus on one area and let that momentum naturally flow into the others. Consider creating a simple system for yourself: maybe it’s dedicating 15 minutes each morning to mental decluttering through brain dumps, or choosing one small space to clear each day. The key is consistency over perfection, and progress over pace.

The Freedom on the Other Side

Here’s what I’ve discovered about letting go: every time I release something that isn’t serving me, I create space not just in my physical environment, but in my capacity to show up fully for what matters most. When we declutter our minds, we can think more clearly and make decisions from a place of intention rather than reaction. When we declutter our spaces, we can breathe deeper and move with more ease. When we declutter our souls, we can love ourselves and others more freely. This isn’t about perfection or having a social media-worthy life. It’s about creating breathing room for your dreams, your relationships, and your growth. It’s about honoring the person you’re becoming by releasing what belongs to who you used to be. And speaking of becoming… once you create this space, once you clear away what’s no longer serving you, something beautiful happens. You start to reconnect with what truly lights you up. You begin to remember what brings you alive. Which is exactly what we’ll explore in our next conversation.

Your Turn

What’s one thing – a thought, a commitment, a physical item – that you know you’re ready to release? Start there. Start small. Start today. Remember, decluttering isn’t about having less for the sake of having less. It’s about making space for more of what brings you alive. And that, my friend, is worth celebrating. Here’s to creating space for all the beautiful things waiting to bloom in your life.

What will you choose to release this summer? I’d love to hear about your decluttering journey – share in the comments or reach out. You don’t have to do this alone.

Incorporating Self-Care Into Your Daily Routine

A little self-care can go a long way toward improving your mood and turning a bad or stressful day around.  Here are a few things you can do to set yourself up for a better mood and to center self-care in your day-to-day life.

• Get Enough Sleep. Set your alarm to go off about an hour before you need to get into bed. Turn off all electronics, turn down the lights. Set your thermostat to a comfortable overnight temperature, if you’re able to. Avoid eating too late. If it helps you to calm down, get in bed with a good book. Getting a full night sleep is vital to waking up in a good mood. You will feel energetic and much more willing to start out your day without resentment.
• Get in Some Movement or Exercise Time. Physical activity is known to release endorphins to the brain. Endorphins are hormones that are responsible for making you feel happy. Find time for whatever type of movement gets your endorphins going–whether that’s a hard gym workout, a walk around the neighborhood, some dancing, or restorative stretching.
• Stay Hydrated. Dehydration can be responsible for headaches, dry skin, fatigue, and dizziness. The standard rule of thumb is to drink either half your body weight in ounces of water or try to drink 8 glasses or 64 ounces of water a day. Raw veggies and fruit can also be hydrating.
• Take Your Breaks.  Don’t pass on fitting in a work break where you can. Use this time to relax and focus on something else that makes you laugh or just sit down and breathe. If you work for yourself, try to schedule in 10 to 15-minute breaks at least every four hours.
• Ask for Help.  Asking for help can be challenging for some people but you should never be afraid to ask. Ask your friends and family to help you out every now and then to relieve some pressure off everyday tasks. More than likely they will be happy to help. If you are finding it hard to take care of yourself don’t be afraid to ask a professional either. Mental health is the most important.
• Learn to Say No. If you are overwhelmed, too busy, or just don’t want to do something saying no is perfectly fine. You have permission. Taking on too much work or doing things you don’t want to do leads to poor quality work and some unhappy people. Don’t do that to yourself. If you keep everything scheduled you can easily look at your calendar and say “No, that date doesn’t work for me”.
• Decompress. Take time out each day and relax. Get away from people or go get a massage, some coffee, or a cup of tea. Your time to decompress is important to a good attitude.

Feel free to adjust these ideas to your own individual needs and remember to make it simple. Some people find great comfort in knowing that they can take care of themselves, get away, and practice self-care without guilt because it’s something they have a right to do.

Create a Self-Care Survival Kit

A self-care survival kit is a personalized box of fun things to use to pamper yourself. When you are feeling sad, stressed, or just feel like it, pull this box out and enjoy. The survival kit will help you loosen up and just relax and feel a sense of self-pride. Making a kit can be just as rewarding as using one. This can be a fun activity to do with friends and family or even just by yourself to unwind.

The first task that needs to be done when creating this kit is finding a box or basket to put things in. Buy colorful markers, glitter, and ribbons to decorate the outside if you want to. This can be super creative or just simple. Decorate until you are happy with the way it looks.  Now it’s time to figure out what items to put in the survival kit. Essentially you want to fill it with anything that makes you feel good, brings a smile to your face, or relaxes you.

A good way to help you get started is by using all five senses as you fill your kit. Let’s look at a few ideas:

• Sight. Photos of loved ones, a favorite book or magazine, a list of affirmations, postcards from friends and family, or adult coloring books.
• Smell. Scented candles, incense, or essential oils in a scent that you find relaxing or invigorating can be a great addition to a self-care kit. 
• Hearing.  Favorite music playlist, an audio book, or a list of your favorite videos on YouTube.
• Touch. Anything that you can feel and want to touch. Avoid textures that make you uncomfortable. Cleansing or moisturizing facial masks, foot scrubs, calming lotions, stress ball or extra paper or a journal to write poems or thoughts. Silly putty and kinetic sand are other great stress relieving toys.
• Taste. Little treats like a piece of chocolate, a couple of pretzels, or nuts can go in your kit if those are snacks you enjoy; gum, flavored lip balm, mints and tea bags are also good options.

Add as many items in each category as you like. If there are certain categories you don’t care for feel free to avoid it. Maybe you want complete quiet when doing these activities so you might add in some ear plugs instead of music. You want to feel excited when you open this box so make it worth it.

Keep this box somewhere you can see it every day and easily get to. Don’t hide it away. This box is a way to remind yourself that you need time for you. The more you see it the more you will remember that you are just as important as everything else going on in your day. Eventually, it will become a good healthy routine. 

I hope this gave you some good ideas to inspire you to make self-care a part of your everyday life! I understand it can seem challenging, since I definitely still struggle with carving out time for self-care–I’m still working on putting together my “kit” but so far have added books, card games and affirmations–but don’t stress about it! We’re all a work in progress and the idea isn’t for self-care to be one more thing on our “to-do” list but rather something that brings us calmness and joy.  So, keep working on those small ways to make self-care a habit and feel free to share in the comments what daily self-care means to you! 

In the spirit of self-care, I’m taking the “extra” 5th Thursday in August to recharge, so there won’t be an August 31st blog post next week, but I’m excited to resume in September with a new theme.

Play is Important at Any Age

“Go outside and play”– lots of us probably recall hearing that phrase, or something like it, during our childhood.  But the importance of play doesn’t end when we reach adulthood. Play remains a vital way to stay young and young at heart. Play is important at any age.

Play is a wonderful way to distract us from our busy lives. With so many things tugging at our time, it’s easy to forgo play for responsibility. This leaves little time to explore, create, and use our minds in valuable ways. Though we get older, it’s important to keep play a part of everyday life. We can all imagine the benefits of play for children, but many of those benefits apply to adults:

• Play improves memory and preserves the mind. Play can help stave off mental decline and keep our minds sharp. Learning new things, expressing ourselves in creative ways, and engaging in activities that spark joy help the mind stay clear and focused. As a child, play helps synapses form and the brain to grow. As adults, play helps prevent the mental decline that comes from being mentally sedentary.
• Play boosts creativity. Being playful is energizing and boosts creativity. The more you play, the more creative you become. Learning new techniques, tips, tools, ways to express yourself actually helps you grow mentally. It is refreshing to explore an interest and play around doing creative things that bring you joy.
• Play reduces stress significantly. Rest is wonderful when you are stressed, but play can be just as beneficial.  Doing an activity that is fun releases endorphins which help your mind and body feel good. Enjoying a fun activity and playing can improve your mental health.
• Play helps with self-discovery. Learning who we are is an evolution that comes from having experiences and learning new preferences. You won’t know if skydiving is a passion if you never jump out of a plane.  (Having said that–I’m not sure if I’m ready to jump out of a plane quite yet! But I’m always looking for opportunities to get out of my comfort zone, so I guess I should never say never to skydiving!) Play can help us discover who we are and what we love simply by getting out and doing something fun.

Being playful shouldn’t be limited to childhood. Having fun, laughing, enjoying activities and self-expression through play is important for children and adults. Engaging in play is important for babies, the elderly, and everyone in between. There is no age limit for having a great time. 

Defining Play and Finding Some Fun!

If you’ve been out of the habit of playing, it might feel daunting. What is play, anyway? According to Google, play is the act of enjoying an activity for personal satisfaction rather than a practical purpose. So, that means play could be anything. That might feel overwhelming when you’ve been far too serious for far too long.

Defining play is more than doing a Google search. Defining play for you means defining what sounds like fun in your mind. Then, it’s off to find some fun. What do you love to do when there’s no limits on your time?  You likely know the activities you enjoy when you have free time–the things you do that make time fly by when you’re having fun. If you already have a good idea of what play means for you, all you need is to find new ways to have fun with it:

• Try a new spin on your current pastime.
• Take a class or go on a retreat.  (I wrote a couple of months ago about how attending the Black Woman Leading LIVE conference and retreat was transformative for my personal life and my business.  And while I drew inspiration from the other dynamic, accomplished Black women at the conference, the couple of other times I’ve taken a solo “retreat” to relax and reflect on my own were just as nourishing for me.)
• Buy new equipment or tools.
• Join a group or find friends who love the same thing.

There are plenty of ways to find fun and make the activities you already love even better. What is something you’ve always wanted to try? People find a million reasons not to do the things they want. We talk ourselves out of the fun that could make our free time much more interesting and give us a new and satisfying opportunity for joy. It’s important to try new things that pique our interest.

• Trying new things expand your mind
• Trying new things create variety
• Trying new things spreads joy
• Trying new things sparks creativity

Don’t hold back from trying something new and fun that you’ve wanted to experience!

Playful Habits Keep Life Interesting

Life can be serious, and the responsibilities can pile up making it hard to feel playful. Don’t let the serious side of life keep you from holding onto a playful mindset. There’s room for fun and silliness in nearly all situations. Keeping a positive attitude and looking at the lighter side of life can help you:

• Avoid depression
• Build better relationships
• Encourage others

 All in all, a playful mindset helps you manage life by finding outlets to relieve stress through play. Developing playful habits can help you find the fun in any situation and model a playful attitude for those around you. Here are some playful habits that make routine situations more fun.

• Dance it out! Music is a universal language that everyone knows. Dancing is a wonderful way to build play into your everyday life. Start the day with music and dance your way through breakfast. Host an impromptu dance party after dinner with your family. Feeling stressed? Dance it out and encourage those around you to join in.
• Travel games. Driving in the car is a great opportunity to connect with your friends and family. Play fun games with one another. Try an I Spy game with younger children or a trivia game with teens and adults. Make travel time fun by playing in the car.
• Positive humor. Use positive humor to lighten things up. Make a habit of telling a corny joke every day and encourage others to join in. Listen to comedy podcasts, watch comedies on television, and use humor as an ice breaker when meeting new people.
• Silly vulnerability. Many people are afraid to be silly. They stay composed at all times and rarely let other people see them laugh. It’s important to be silly and vulnerable enough to look foolish now and then. Don’t let the fear of other people laughing keep you from having fun and letting loose. Practice being silly, laughing, playing, and having fun on a regular basis.

Being playful keeps life interesting and having playful habits normalizes a playful lifestyle. Make play part of your everyday routine. Engage your friends and family in silliness and fun so everyone can benefit from a healthy dose of play in their lives.  It’s an important part of self-care, and best of all, play doesn’t have to cost a thing! 

Putting Self-Care on the Calendar

More times than not everyone has the excuse of not having enough time to do something, especially when it comes to self-care. Everyday life is full of activities including eight or more hours of work, childcare, school, church, community activities and more. Plus, you still need to balance your relationships, too.

It may seem impossible to take care of yourself while taking care of a full family and keeping up with the house, or while running a business, or working a job, but there is a way to solve this through scheduling and calendaring.  Every day, or at the beginning of each week, sit down and find areas that you can fill in your calendar with some self-care activities. If you can put those things in your calendar first right after your required work schedule, you’ll become even more successful at meeting your self-care goals.  Try to schedule these as early in the day as possible. Schedule everything even if it feels silly. This can include phone calls with your family and friends, a bath, or even a short nap. Once you have it scheduled, stick to it and make it just as important as the rest of your tasks.  You probably wouldn’t overlook something on your calendar if it pertained to work or your family responsibilities, so why do that to yourself?

Remember: you are just as important as anything else in your life. Your overall health affects everything that happens in your daily life, so if you think about self-care as essential to your health, well-being, and ability to be present in your life, self-care is just as important as work and your family.  Make sure you schedule in enough time for each activity so you can fully enjoy it. Don’t rush these activities or you will quickly turn something that’s supposed to release stress, stressful. If you only have a certain amount of time choose your self-care interests wisely. If you only have 10 minutes to spare, only do something that takes 10 minutes and stick to it.

Self-Care Doesn’t Have to Cost Anything

Lots of people get the wrong idea about self-care. They think they have to be deserving of it. They feel like it’s splurging to do something good for yourself.  It can seem extravagant–especially when we often see the concept of “self-care” associated in pop culture or on social media with activities like shopping, vacations, or spa days–but let’s change that mindset! Self-care is something you deserve, no matter what your budget. Everyone does. It benefits us all, along with those around us, when we put our own well-being at the forefront. You can’t take care of others when your own well-being is suffering. Let’s take a look at some free and low-cost ways you can care for yourself:

• Take a Time Out: Sometimes just a little bit of alone time is all you need to feel rejuvenated. So why not give yourself a time out? Lock yourself in your room with a nice cup of tea. Listen to some quiet music. Just sit still and think for a bit. It’s a luxury we all can afford.  In my facilitation and coaching practice, I’m in my element when I’m in front of a room of people leading an inspiring or informative training, for example, or when I’m sitting one-on-one with a coaching client helping them feel excited or proud about setting and achieving their goals. But it’s that quiet reflection time alone with just myself and my thoughts that gives me what I need to recharge for my busy days at my job and running my business.
• Waste Some Time: We often feel pressured to be productive all the time. Being busy is a sign of worth and accomplishment. However, it really doesn’t have to be that way. Just kicking back and doing nothing is important to recharging our batteries. Let yourself have some down time to do something frivolous like binge on your favorite Netflix show, take a nap or just sit and pet your dog or cat, if you have one.
• Do Some Writing: Even if you don’t consider yourself a writer, journaling can be a very therapeutic activity. Jotting down what you’re grateful for has been proven to be beneficial to well-being. It can also be energizing to simply do a brain dump in which you write down all the things that are floating around in your head. Jotting down dreams for the future might inspire and motivate you to take action.
• Reach Out to Someone: Socializing is a crucial part of self-care. Even introverts benefit from interpersonal connection.  (I tend to be introverted, but I still feel energized and renewed when I catch up with friends or family.)  Humans aren’t meant to be isolated. Pick up the phone and call or video chat a friend you haven’t talked with in a while.  Meeting up in person for a walk together or a cup of coffee is even better. Connecting to others might just provide the spark you’ve been missing.
• Change Your Perspective: A change of scenery can be a wonderful source of renewal, and it doesn’t have to cost a lot. Just heading out to walk in your neighborhood might help when you’re feeling stir-crazy in your home. If you’re able to afford it, a low-cost getaway to a nearby location for a day or two is a fun way to switch things up–or try staying fully local and being a “tourist” in your own city or town for a day.  You’ll be surprised what this change of perspective can do for you. 

Don’t Feel Guilty for Practicing Self-Care

We’ve touched on the fact that it’s common to feel guilty for taking time for ourselves. There are a lot of complex reasons for this within our society, and within our individual experiences. Some of us who feel pressure to be “productive” might worry that self-care is time-wasting; others may have been raised in a culture or a family whose values prioritized putting others first (which can be a good and thoughtful thing in some circumstances, but not necessarily at the expense of your needs.) 

• It’s Not Selfish: First and foremost, it’s important to understand that taking time to care for yourself is not selfish in any way. It may be hard to get past the mindset that the needs of others are more important than your own, but overcoming this mindset is essential to allowing yourself to adequately meet your own needs. Care isn’t a zero-sum concept. When you care for yourself, it doesn’t have to mean you don’t care about others.
• It Sets a Good Example: If you’re a parent, investing in self-care is not only good for you, it sets a good example for your kids. Even if you don’t have children, taking the time to care for yourself might be inspiring or motivational for those around you. In order for a stigma to end, it has to be normalized. When more of us let the world around us know why self-care matters, they may begin to change their minds about the concept, as well. I remember when my children were younger and I was earlier in my career, I definitely struggled with carving out both time and money for self-care.  My own self-care took a backseat to their needs and well-being and when I was on a tight budget, I’d feel guilty if I spent money on things for myself instead of for the kids.  But as my kids have gotten older, I’ve tried to make self-care a bigger priority and also model self-care for them so that they know it’s important and hopefully don’t feel some of the same hesitation and guilt that I did.  
• It Demands Respect: It also sets a precedent for how you expect others to treat you. When you demonstrate that you value yourself and that you find worth investing time in yourself, they will respond in kind. Learning to say no and set boundaries is good for your relationships. It teaches others how you expect to be treated and makes it clear that you see yourself as a priority. There’s no reason to feel guilty for that.

Self-care doesn’t always feel easy or come naturally for many of us. Don’t be too hard on yourself if you find it difficult to carve out time or release those lingering feelings of guilt.  It’s like anything else–sometimes it takes practice to become a habit, hopefully some of the tips and support above help you carve out time for self-care no matter your schedule, other obligations, or budget. 

What is Self-Care, Anyway?

You’ve probably noticed that the concept of “self-care” has exploded in popularity and visibility in recent years, whether among your friends and family, in magazines or television shows, or all over social media.  It’s a buzzword for sure–but what exactly is self-care, at its core?  Self-care is the act of taking care of yourself. It is doing exactly what you need to do to feel your best all around. This includes mentally, physically, and emotionally. Each person has their own way to give themselves self-care. This can be anything from quitting your exhausting job, to getting your hair done, or ensuring you have time to read each evening before bed. 

Taking care of yourself should not be overlooked. There are many benefits that result from a self-care routine. If you are not taking care of yourself eventually it can lead to overwhelming stress, lack of confidence, less productivity at work and even cause deteriorating relationships with family and friends.  To really understand self-care, you need to understand yourself first. Ask yourself these questions to gain some clarity:

• What are the things I need to do to feel complete?
• What are things I need to do to feel in tune with myself emotionally or spiritually?  (For example, I find the ocean relaxing and restoring. I don’t get a chance to spend much time there since I live in the Midwest, but when I was at a conference in Florida earlier this year, I took advantage of the opportunity to relax on the beach one evening, listening to praise and worship music and the sound of the waves.)
• What activities help me relieve stress?
• Is there anything I can eliminate from my daily schedule that is preventing me from taking care of myself?

The way you answer these questions determines your self-care needs. Once you have defined your needs your next step is to add it to your schedule and do them to reap the benefits.  Self-care is extremely beneficial for optimal health, productivity, and your relationships.

Self-care is simply doing the things you like to do that helps you feel happy and healthy. There really is no limit to what self-care is because it’s all about what you like doing for yourself and your personality that makes you a better person, parent, spouse, sibling, and friend.  Don’t do things you think you need to do or what others say you need to do. Do what you know you love and want. It doesn’t have to require money or be anything extravagant. Meditating, getting up early for some quiet alone time, praying, reading a book, or going for a walk or jog are some simple ideas.

The Benefits of Self-Care

Neglecting yourself and putting your needs on the back burner can lead to an unhealthy life. Self-care should be a part of everyone’s personal schedule and shouldn’t be overlooked due to time or because someone believes it is selfish. Self-care is essential to having a healthy, productive, and happy life.

Self-care is imperative because it prevents:

• Stress.  Most everyone lives with stress in their daily lives but it’s important to try to manage stress as much as possible. Plenty of medical research shows that stress can cause many negative side effects. This includes headaches, low energy, aches and pain and even insomnia.
• Burnout. Burnout is another form of extreme stress that results in physical and emotional exhaustion, negativity, lack of enjoyment and the feeling of hopelessness. Burnout typically happens when people are overworked or during events that you feel you can’t control. Self-care allows you to take a break from these activities that can result in burnout. Even if it’s a simple one-minute break where you just close your eyes and breathe, it will help reduce this type of stress. 
• Negativity.  Putting everyone else’s needs over your own will turn just about anyone negative. The feeling of not being important and that their needs overpower yours is a horrible feeling. The fact is, the more your needs are met the more others’ needs will be met too. You will experience less bitterness and resentment towards others if you take care of yourself.

Self-care is a very broad term and can honestly mean anything. Self-care can be described by each person differently. To one person it can be about doing anything that is fun and exciting but to the next person it is about being quiet and fully relaxed in the moment and even then, someone else might think it’s a combination of both. Self-care is an individualized plan of activities that will allow you to be mentally, physically and emotionally healthy.

If you haven’t been practicing self-care for a while or at all, it can be overwhelming at first to break it down and know where to start.

• Self-Care First.  Just like health studies have shown exercising first thing in the morning gives the best results the same goes for self-care. Take care of yourself first to start your day off positively. When you get things out of the way you’ll feel accomplished and awesome.
• Schedule Self-Care.  Today people are more productive than ever. But they are also distracted. The best course of action is to schedule the things you want to do for self-care. Schedule that haircut or massage. Schedule a short phone call with friends or family during your break at work. Schedule lunch with friends. If you write it down, you’re more likely to do it.
• Be Attentive.  Be aware of your surroundings as well as yourself. Your environment and knowing what you like and dislike plays a major part in self-care. If you are adding things to your routine that you don’t like and don’t make you happy, look for a way to remove it or make it better.
• Reward Yourself. Self-care shouldn’t only be about rewarding yourself, but it is a great way to get started. It could help you to get some much-needed work done and help you get the care you need. Maybe you know you need to exercise but it’s not something that you really enjoy doing. Start rewarding yourself for doing it so that you get an immediate benefit for something that will only provide long-term results. For example, did you do your exercise every day for a month? Schedule a facial or massage to reward yourself.
• Try Meditation.  Meditation is a great way to clear your mind and help you relax. The goal is to focus on breathing and nothing else. Studies show that meditation and prayer help cut down on stress and improve memory.
• Take Alone Time.  Self-care doesn’t have to be about going and spending a bunch of money or doing exciting activities. Sometimes people just need alone time. Take time away from children and coworkers so that you can rejuvenate and focus on your own thoughts.
• Spend Time with Friends and Family.  Schedule some time with friends and family. Go out to dinner or play board games at their house. Do something different than you usually would do with them also. Make it a date so you have something to look forward to.
• Buy Something. Go buy a new outfit, a pair of hiking boots or a coffee at Starbucks. (Caveat: this is a prime example of how varied and individualized self-care can be. Some of us get a mental mini-boost from buying ourselves a treat; others find shopping to be an exhausting chore or get stressed out by the idea of spending extra money.) If you do enjoy buying the occasional treat as a form of self-care, add it to your budget so you don’t go overboard. It’s okay to splurge every now and then if it makes you feel good and isn’t derailing your financial stability or longer-term financial goals.

Self-care can be simple. All you need to do is figure out what is best for you and do it. One thing that might help you decide what to do is to write down the goals that you have for yourself so that you can ensure that the things you do lead you towards meeting those goals.  (If you need a refresher on goal-setting, I wrote about how to get started setting, refining, and sticking to your goals in my April blog series.)  Having shared all of the above–don’t get me wrong, it isn’t always easy or smooth to carve out time, money, or energy to focus on our self-care! Next week, I’ll share some common obstacles to self-care and tips for overcoming them. Until then, I hope you can find some time in your week for a little self-care for yourself (and I’ll commit to do the same)!

How it Started

First up, I took a long weekend off from my day job to focus on my personal development and my growth as an entrepreneur by attending the Black Woman Leading LIVE Retreat + Conference in Florida.  This was an exciting next step in a journey that started in summer 2021 when I saw a post from a colleague about the Black Woman Leading Leadership Development program.  The program called to me and to my goals as an entrepreneur, and after reaching out to Black Women Leading’s founder Laura Knights, I enrolled in and completed the leadership program later that fall.  The experiences and insights I gained through the program and the community I built with other participants made me want to stay engaged.  I continued to participate in Black Women Leading’s alumni program in 2022 to stay connected to program and other alums and I even appeared on an episode of Laura’s podcast along with other alums to talk about “Navigating Your Career Path.”

As soon as Laura announced that she’d be holding the first ever Black Women Leading retreat and conference in May 2023, I knew that I had to participate!  I got registered right away and shared the announcement with as many Black women that I knew.  (Like the colleague who first put Black Women Leading on my radar screen back in 2021, I’m always looking for opportunities to share information and resources that have helped me with my own networks.) 

I took an early morning flight so that I could enjoy the area before the pre-conference Alumni Dinner in the evening.  But traveling takes a lot out of you–especially when your flight leaves at 6:55am like mine did!–so by the time I got to the resort and my room was ready, I was so tempted to just crash and chill out in the room.  But I reminded myself that this experience was supposed to be all about self care and pouring into myself so I walked across the street for a manicure and pedicure at the spa I’d checked out briefly at the airport that morning. And I was sooo glad I did; it was a great experience and the perfect bit of pampering to banish the stress from travel and put myself in the right frame of mind for the next two busy conference days ahead!

Kicking off Black Women Leading LIVE

 Black Woman Leading’s Founder Laura Knights kicked off the conference on Friday morning by asking us to set our intentions and give ourselves “permission slips,” asking us to reflect on the question “What permission slips do you need to write yourself to be present?”  Laura also shared the “3 C’s” for attendees throughout the retreat weekend: Care, Community, and Clarity.  Reiterating the “care” mandate, she reminded us all that the weekend was designed to be a conference and a retreat and that there would be time for learning but also time for relaxing and “retreating.”  This was a welcome reminder, especially for folks like me who work in industries where the term “retreat” is often used as a euphemism for an all-day or multi-day business and strategy meeting! (And the Black Women Leading LIVE attendees definitely took advantage of the opportunity to build community and have some fun–more on that later in this post and next week’s.)     

Reflecting on Laura’s prompt, I set my intention–be open to receiving what’s for me–and gave myself the “permission slip” to be open to meeting new people and adding to my community.  Even though I often lead trainings and feel completely in my element talking to and facilitating discussion among a room full of people in my day job and my business, I can actually be more of an introvert in social and networking settings.  After Laura’s kick-off, I enjoyed two more thought-provoking and powerful sessions over the course of the morning. 

“Managing Grief from Career Transitions”

Black Woman Leading Coach Chinasa Elue, Ph.D Associate Professor of Ed Leadership and Higher Ed led this discussion, and it was truly eye-opening for me! We generally only talk about grief in the context of losing a loved one, but grief can apply in other situations too.  In this session we learned about grief in the context of job transitions and a framework for how to walk through it.  Dr. Elue shared a framework called the ACT Framework that we can use when we realize that it’s time to leave a space that we have outgrown: Acknowledge that pain exists, Care (Self & Community) & Truth (honoring our lived experience). 

This session really had me reflecting as I’ve been with my current employer for 16 years.  I’ve been fortunate to grow and develop during that time, both personally and in terms of my career advancement.  I’ve always enjoyed and felt a strong connection to my work and I’ve gained so many valuable colleagues and friends along the way–so this is something that I will have to truly think about when it’s time for me to make my next move and transition out of the company.  Every job transition has its challenges, especially when you’ve been as invested in the work for such a long time as I have, and hearing Dr. Elue apply the lens of grief to those types of transitions and provide a way of processing and moving through that grief gave me tools that I know will be helpful in my future.  I shared one of her slides that especially resonated with me in a LinkedIn recap in case it’s helpful for someone else.

“Worthiness Within Your Wardrobe”

Morgan Wider led the next workshop that was subtitled “How to Show Up with Power and Purpose.” I wasn’t quite sure what to expect when I first read the session title in the conference agenda. How would our wardrobe tie in with our power and purpose?  I was intrigued to learn more, though, especially given that the pandemic and our remote work/stay-at-home time during the height of COVID-19 has up-ended some of the norms and trends around how we dress at work and even at home.  Plus, I’ve been fortunate to work in an industry for many years that hasn’t typically enforced strict dress codes, so I’ll admit it’s been a long time since I gave my wardrobe that much thought! 

It turned out this session was about so much more than wardrobe and appearance! Morgan is a sought-after speaker and style consultant but my biggest takeaway from her talk was that while clothes are an outward expression of what we feel about ourselves, truly showing up with power and purpose in our lives requires first cultivating confidence and self-love within.  Morgan coached us all to accept our imperfections–whatever those may be–practice forgiveness for our flaw or mistakes, and think about self-love as an everyday job. 

We also each went through a powerful exercise where Morgan asked us to turn our phone cameras to face ourselves and to press record as we recited this……

Needless to say, this wasn’t what I was expecting when I sat down for a conference session that I thought might be a light-hearted discussion about wardrobe, but the practice of recording our prayers of self-love and forgiveness really landed with me in a profound way and I’m still thinking about those words now that I’m back home in my day to day life.  Looking back at my notes from Morgan’s session, I wrote down what I was feeling in that moment after our exercise and I know these words will be sitting with me for a long time too:  I am Worthy; I Show up; I Show up “on purpose”; I am worthy of being seen.  And yes, the session did inspire me to start thinking about fashion too, and how I can incorporate some items into my wardrobe that better express my inner self and my unique personal style!  (I’ll let you know how that goes in the coming months and maybe even share a photo or two in a future blog if I find a new outfit that feels like a visual representation of “showing up on purpose!”)

Getting back to the “retreat” aspect of our retreat, we had lunch on the beach, which was fantastic!  If you’ve had to attend conferences over the years for your work like I have, you know that the typical conference has participants indoors for the entire day, and often in what can feel like a never-ending series of windowless meeting rooms!  Our beach lunch was a welcome opportunity to get outside and get some sun and take in the view of the water.  I’ll close out this week’s post with a few pics I captured of the Gulf of Mexico.  Wherever you are in the world–beachside or not–I hope it inspires you to take a few minutes for yourself and get outside for some fresh air this week! I’ll be making space to do the same as I work on next week’s post continuing my reflections from Black Women Leading LIVE.