Gratitude and Psychology: Unlocking the Science of Happiness

Three decades ago, Martin Seligman and his colleagues launched the groundbreaking field of “Positive Psychology,” a revolutionary concept that shifted the focus of psychological research from studying mental illness and negative emotions to exploring the transformative power of positive human experiences. This paradigm shift paved the way for the scientific investigation of emotions such as gratitude, optimism, forgiveness, happiness, compassion, and altruism – previously overlooked aspects of the human psyche.

What we have learned through this research is profound: cultivating positive personal attributes fortifies us during times of adversity and emotional turmoil, ultimately leading to greater happiness, resilience, and overall well-being. And among all the attributes one can develop, gratitude stands out as the most strongly associated with robust mental health. Gratitude is our ability to feel and express thankfulness and appreciation for the blessings, both large and small, that grace our lives. Historically, the study of this emotion was primarily confined to the realms of theology and philosophy. However, in the early 2000s, pioneering psychologist Robert Emmons began exploring gratitude through a scientific lens, paving the way for a deeper understanding of its psychological impact.

Emmons’ groundbreaking research revealed that expressing gratitude has profoundly positive effects on mental, physical, and relational well-being. Individuals who regularly practice gratitude tend to experience higher levels of happiness, life satisfaction, and overall positive emotions. Moreover, the benefits of gratitude extend far beyond the emotional realm – research has shown that grateful individuals exhibit better sleep quality, lower levels of inflammation, and a reduced risk of developing various chronic health conditions. But the transformative power of gratitude doesn’t stop there. Studies have also demonstrated that cultivating an attitude of gratitude can enhance interpersonal relationships, foster stronger social connections, and even improve academic and professional performance. By shifting our focus toward the positive aspects of our lives, we create a ripple effect that radiates outward, impacting not only our own well-being but also the lives of those around us.

One of the most remarkable aspects of gratitude is its ability to reshape our perspective and rewire our brains for positivity. Through the practice of consciously acknowledging and appreciating the good in our lives, we train our minds to seek out and savor the positive experiences that might otherwise go unnoticed. This cognitive shift can have a profound impact on our overall outlook, helping us to navigate challenges with greater resilience and find joy in even the most mundane moments.

Unlock Joy and Vitality Through the Power of Gratitude

Cultivating a daily gratitude practice is a simple yet profoundly transformative habit that can uplift your mental and physical well-being. Here are some easy-to-implement tips to help you harness the healing power of gratitude:

• Embrace Self-Love: Begin each day by acknowledging and appreciating five wonderful qualities about yourself. It may feel awkward initially, but with time, this self-affirmation exercise will become second nature and boost your self-esteem.
• Gratitude Journaling: You don’t need an elaborate diary to start journaling. Grab a notebook, your daily planner, or even a stack of sticky notes, and jot down a few things you’re grateful for each day. This simple act can help you focus on the positive aspects of your life. A great resource for this is my Gratitude Devotional Journal.
• Express Your Appreciation: Think of someone who has positively impacted your life – a mentor, friend, or loved one. Take the time to visit them or reach out and express your heartfelt gratitude for their influence and support. A sincere “thank you” can strengthen bonds and spread joy.
• Find a Gratitude Companion: Sharing your gratitude practice with someone can make it even more meaningful. Find a partner – your spouse, child, or friend – and set aside a few moments a few times a week to exchange the blessings you’re grateful for. This shared experience can deepen your connections and amplify the positive effects of gratitude.

By incorporating these simple yet powerful practices into your daily routine, you’ll cultivate a mindset of abundance, appreciation, and overall well-being. Embrace the transformative power of gratitude and watch as joy and vitality blossom in your life. Also did you know that practicing gratitude has been scientifically proven to improve your physical health? No, seriously! Numerous studies have shown that feeling and expressing gratitude can lower blood pressure, improve immune function, and even reduce the risk of heart disease. It’s like a natural stress-buster and a free pass to better well-being, all rolled into one. 

But enough with the science lesson (for now). Let’s talk about the real magic of gratitude – its ability to shift our perspective and fill us with warmth, even on the grayest of days. You know that feeling when you stumble upon an unexpected act of kindness, or when you catch a breathtaking sunset on your daily commute? That’s gratitude working its special way of turning the ordinary into the extraordinary.

Redefining Self-Care: It’s More Than Face Masks

Moving on to self-care, a concept that’s often misunderstood and, dare I say, a tad underrated in our hustle-obsessed culture. Now, I get it – the term “self-care” might conjure up images of luxurious spa days and indulgent pampering sessions. And while those things are lovely (and totally valid forms of self-care), true self-care goes much deeper than that. At its core, self-care is about nurturing your physical, emotional, and mental well-being in a way that honors your unique needs and boundaries. It’s about checking in with yourself regularly, identifying areas of stress or depletion, and actively taking steps to replenish your reserves.

And here’s a fun little nugget for you: Did you know that the concept of “self-care” didn’t even enter the mainstream lexicon until the 1970s? That’s right, folks – we’ve only been collectively acknowledging the importance of tending to our own needs for a mere half-century or so. Talk about a long-overdue wake-up call!

Here are few ways to care for oneself:

• Setting firm boundaries around your time and energy commitments.
• Learning to say “no” to obligations that don’t align with your values.
• Carving out moments of solitude to disconnect from external noise and reconnect with yourself.
• Embracing nourishing rituals like journaling, meditation, or daily movement practices.
• Seeking support from a therapist or trusted friend during challenging seasons of life.
• Engaging in hobbies or creative pursuits that bring you joy and fulfillment.
• Prioritizing adequate sleep, nutrition, and hydration.
• Spending time in nature or engaging in outdoor activities.
• Setting aside time for reflection, introspection, and goal-setting.

In many ways, the rise of the self-care movement is a powerful reclamation of our inherent worth and a defiant stance against the toxic grind culture that so often prioritizes productivity over personhood. By making self-care a non-negotiable priority, we’re sending a message that our well-being matters, that our cup must be filled before we can pour into others.

As we journey through life, constantly striving for our goals and dreams, it’s all too easy to get caught up in the relentless hustle. We push ourselves to the brink, chasing after accomplishments and accolades, often at the expense of our own well-being. But what if the secret to true fulfillment lies not in the destination, but in the way we navigate the path itself? Gratitude and self-care are the twin compasses that can guide us towards a life of balance, joy, and deep contentment. By cultivating a practice of gratitude, we learn to savor the beauty that surrounds us, even amidst the chaos. We train our minds to seek out the positive, to find wonder in the mundane, and to appreciate the incredible gift of simply being alive.

Have you ever wondered in what small yet meaningful ways can you begin weaving the practices of gratitude and self-care into the fabric of your daily life today? Perhaps the first step is to start noticing – noticing the little joys, the helping hands, and the quiet moments that make life richer. Let’s catch up next week as we close out this month with a topic that I am very fond of – community. 

Let’s kick things off with a little trivia, shall we? Did you know that the first known use of the word “goal” in the context of an objective or aim dates back to the early 1500s? Yep, folks have been chasing after their dreams and ambitions for centuries. And let me tell you, the struggle to set meaningful goals and actually achieve them is a tale as old as time itself. But fear not, my dear readers, for over the past year of writing this blog, we’ve uncovered some hard-won wisdom and practical strategies to help us all become goal-getting gurus. From the importance of setting SMART goals to cultivating accountability through trusted partners or good old fashioned to-do lists, we’ve left no stone unturned.

Become a Habit Hacker

And let’s not forget about habits, those little routines that can either propel us toward success or sabotage our best-laid plans. Remember that time we learned about the inverse relationship between habits and willpower? It’s a doozy, folks. Essentially, the more ingrained a habit becomes, the less willpower we need to sustain it. Sounds like a dream, right? Well, as with most worthwhile pursuits, building new habits takes some serious elbow grease (and maybe a few reminders on our phones).

But fear not, for we’ve got a tried-and-true three-step process to make habit-building a breeze (or at least a gentle stroll):

• Decide what you want that new habit to be and commit to it.
• Set reminders to stay on track.
• Make it part of your routine until it becomes second nature.

Easy peasy, right? Well, maybe not always, but hey, we’re all works in progress.

Become a Mindset Master

Now, let’s talk about the elephant in the room: mindset. Oh, mindset, that elusive force that can either propel us to greatness or send us spiraling into a pit of self-doubt and procrastination. We’ve delved deep into the importance of cultivating a positive, growth-oriented mindset, and let me tell you, it’s no walk in the park.

Remember that time we talked about interrupting negative thought patterns and stopping those pesky inner critics in their tracks? It’s a skill that takes practice, my friends, but one that’s absolutely essential for nurturing a mindset that serves us, rather than holds us back. We’ve explored strategies like affirmations, self-compassion, and good ol’ fashioned reality checks to keep our minds in tip-top shape.

And let’s not forget about self-esteem, that often neglected cornerstone of personal growth and resilience. We’ve learned how to recognize the telltale signs of low self-esteem, from excessive self-criticism to fear of failure, and explored practical steps to building a healthier, more robust sense of self-worth. Because let’s be real, folks, it’s tough to chase your dreams and slay your goals when you’re constantly doubting your own awesomeness.

Become a Goal Setter

All this talk about habits and mindset is all well and good, but let’s not lose sight of the bigger picture: setting and achieving goals. After all, that’s what this whole shebang is about, right? Leveling up our lives and becoming the best versions of ourselves. Goal-setting is both an art and a science, my friends. It’s about dreaming big while also being realistic, about pushing ourselves out of our comfort zones while still operating within the realms of possibility. We’ve learned that effective goals should be specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, and time-bound – you know, those fancy SMART criteria.

But let’s not get too bogged down in the technicalities, shall we? At the end of the day, goal-setting is about tapping into your deepest desires and aspirations, about figuring out what truly lights you up and then charting a course to make it happen. Remember when we talked about the power of visualization? Imagining your end goal in vivid detail, feeling the emotions that come with achieving it? That’s the stuff that fuels our motivation and keeps us pushing forward, even when the going gets tough.

And speaking of tough times, we’ve also explored the importance of resilience and perseverance. Because let’s be real, the path to achieving our goals is rarely a straight line. There will be obstacles, setbacks, and moments where we feel like throwing in the towel. But that’s when we dig deep, lean on our supportive habits and mindset practices, and keep putting one foot in front of the other. So, dear readers, are you ready to become a master goal setter? To dream big, work hard, and ultimately sculpt the life you truly desire? Buckle up, because this is just the beginning of an incredible journey towards self-actualization and fulfillment. Let’s do this!

But here’s the thing, my dear readers: this journey of goal-setting, habit-building, and mindset cultivation isn’t a sprint; it’s a marathon (or, if you’re like me, a leisurely stroll with plenty of snack breaks). It’s a winding path filled with triumphs and setbacks, moments of clarity and moments of utter befuddlement. And that’s okay, because the true victory lies in showing up, day after day, and committing to the process of growth and self-discovery. As someone building my own business, one of my favorite things was to put my thoughts to paper – once I started writing down everything I loved how it helped me commit to it. My 90 Day Business Goal Journal is the labor of that love. Having a dedicated space to set quarterly targets, track habits, and work through limiting beliefs was game-changing. It became my accountability partner, cheerleader, and progress tracker all in one.

If you aren’t an entrepreneur don’t worry, I have something for you as well.  It’s the Monthly Planning Journal which is a digital guide workbook to help you brainstorm top of mind goals and develop a daily task of achievement with prompts and tools – so you can design the life you’ve been dreaming of.

So, as we embark on this next year of blogging together, let’s raise a glass (or a mug of hot chocolate, if that’s more your speed) to the lessons we’ve learned and the ones yet to come. Let’s celebrate the small wins and laugh in the face of setbacks, because at the end of the day, this journey is about so much more than just crossing items off a list; it’s about becoming the best, most authentic versions of ourselves. As you embark on your own quest for self-actualization, what’s the one goal, habit, or mindset shift you’re most excited to tackle?

And speaking of inspiration, our next stop on this journey will be a deep dive into the transformative power of gratitude. Because when we approach life with a heart full of appreciation, even the most daunting challenges become opportunities for growth and the path ahead shines a little brighter. Stay tuned, my friends – the best is yet to come!

Looking back on this past year with the Flourishing Fiercely blog, it’s like witnessing a beautiful transformation. It’s been a journey of shared growth, learning, and community-building that unfolded in ways I couldn’t have predicted. Remember that first post I hit “publish” on, back on National “I am in Control” Day? My mission was crystal clear: to empower you, my readers, to embrace your full potential and live your authentic self. Yet, what I hadn’t anticipated was the profound transformation this experience would start within me too.

The Goal-Setting & Mindset Game changer

Over the past year, we’ve dived deep into all areas of personal and professional growth, drawing on my experience as a coach. But one theme has consistently stood out: the transformative power of intentional goal-setting. I’ve always known the importance of setting clear objectives and creating action plans in my coaching practice. However, this year, I took things a step further. I set specific goals for this blog using tools like the 90 Day Business Goal Journal. This experience truly solidified my belief in the power of intentional goal-setting.

There’s something incredibly motivating about taking your ideas and turning them into concrete, achievable targets. It gives them a sense of weight and purpose, and it pushes you to commit to making them happen. Of course, setting goals is just the first step. The true test lies in taking action and persevering through the inevitable challenges and setbacks that arise on the path to achievement. This is where cultivating a positive mindset becomes crucial. Resources like the Embracing a Positive Mindset Workbook proved invaluable for me. It equipped me with the tools to build mental fortitude, unwavering self-belief, and a solutions-oriented perspective. This shift in mindset allowed me to see obstacles not as roadblocks, but as opportunities to learn, adapt, and ultimately grow.

Learning from You

When it comes to invaluable lessons, I have to give credit where credit is due – to you, my incredible readers. Your impassioned insights, thought-provoking comments, and beautifully vulnerable personal stories have truly enriched our discussions. And I have to say, it’s been an absolute pleasure to learn and grow alongside you. Throughout our dialogue, your reflections have struck a chord with me. I’ve seen glimpses of my own struggles reflected in your candid thoughts – the self-doubt, the fear of failure, and that constant battle between where we are and where we want to be. It’s a reminder that we’re not alone in these challenges.

But it’s not just the struggles that resonate with me. Your stories of triumph over adversity have been truly inspiring. They’ve served as powerful reminders of the strength and resilience that resides within each of us. And let me tell you, they’ve given me all the motivation I need to keep pushing forward.

So, as we continue on this journey together, let’s remember the common threads that bind us. Let’s keep sharing our experiences, our triumphs, and even our setbacks. Because through it all, we’ll find the support, inspiration, and encouragement we need to persevere. Thank you for being a part of this incredible community. I can’t wait to see what we’ll accomplish together.

The Heartbeat of a Community

It’s this extraordinary community of connection and shared humanity that has become one of the greatest gifts of this entire journey. Knowing that my words have resonated with even one person, empowered them to take action, or offered a moment of solace fills me with immense gratitude. It’s a powerful reminder that our experiences, although unique, often echo universal themes.

Your vulnerability in opening your hearts to me has been deeply humbling. It’s a testament to the power of this community and a beautiful expression of our shared need for authentic understanding. Your stories have enriched my perspective and fueled my passion to keep creating content that resonates and uplifts.

As I revisited our past series – from deconstructing the intricacies of goal-setting and recalibrating our lives, to plumbing the nuanced territories of self-awareness and cultivating positive influence, to exploring paradigm-shifting concepts like discipline, gratitude, and a growth mindset – I was struck by just how multifaceted and nonlinear the road to personal growth can be. My own development has been an ever-evolving confluence of hard-won lessons, ingrained habits, and mindsets, and a continual practice of remaining open to expansive new perspectives.

The Beauty of Reinvention

One series that captured this beautifully was our summer exploration of reinvention and self-care. These posts were poignant reminders that we all possess an incredible capacity for rejuvenation and course-correction, simply by intentionally pausing, taking stock of our realities, and realigning our trajectories through bold new beginnings or subtle recalibrations. They also spotlighted the indispensable role that prioritizing holistic self-care plays in sustaining our vitality, spark, and resilience for the longest of journeys.

The natural unfolding into fall brought themes of self-improvement, disciplined habit formation, and the transformative power of lifelong learning. We delved into strategies for thoughtfully reflecting on our strengths, establishing fortifying routines, and adopting both an abundance mindset and a voracious intellectual curiosity. These conversations paved the way to an appreciation for radical self-acceptance, looking inward to identify our authentic motivations, and the exponential potential of incremental daily actions – lessons that will undoubtedly serve us well as we charge forward into 2024.

The Best is Yet to Come…

In the year to come, I’m thrilled to be guiding our exploration towards cultivating the mindsets, strategies, and support structures that will allow us to approach our loftiest goals with confidence, purpose, and sustainability.  We’ll be delving into topics like purposefully garnering uplifting sources of encouragement, rooting ourselves in self-acceptance, and harnessing the remarkable power of incremental “micro-habits” to spark seismic shifts. Because as my own experiences have shown, metamorphosis is a richly nonlinear, cumulative process – an ever-unfolding journey of committed self-work, radical self-compassion, and courageous expansiveness. 

This blog has become a journey we share together. It’s a mix of inspiring stories, personal growth experiences, and hard-earned wisdom. You’ve all contributed to this tapestry by sharing your own struggles, triumphs, and incredible acts of courage. As I move into my second year of blogging, I want to thank you for being so involved, open, and believing in our journey of growth. You’re the heart of this blog! I truly hope the Flourishing Fiercely community remains a source of motivation, support, and personal transformation for all of us.

This month, we’ll be taking a deep dive into the reflections and lessons I’ve gained from my first incredible year of blogging. We’ll explore the transformative power of gratitude and self-care, unpack the key insights I’ve learned about effective goal-setting, and celebrate the vital role that our thriving community has played in fueling my own personal and professional growth. I’m excited to share these stories of transformation with you – the triumphs, the challenges, and everything in between. Because at the end of the day, this journey belongs to all of us. Together, we’re uncovering the path to becoming our fullest, most flourishing selves. So, get ready for an April filled with inspiration, vulnerability, and a healthy dose of celebration. I can’t wait to see how each of you continues to thrive in the year ahead!

Mindset Matters

Black Woman Leading Coach Felicia Tate kicked off the morning with a session called “Mindset Matters: Embracing Growth over Perfection.”  “Mindset” is a set of beliefs that shape how you make sense of the world and yourself.  Mindset influences how you think, feel and behave in any given situation.  Your mindset impacts your success or failure.  Felicia shared the importance of flexibility to a growth mindset (“flexible people aren’t bent out of shape”) and emphasized that sometimes when we’re confronting our fears and working toward a growth mindset, this journey can get worse before it gets better, or get harder before it gets easier.  She asked the audience to reflect on these questions:

• What is currently holding me back from embracing growth over perfection?
• What do I need to release in order for me to fully embrace a growth mindset?
• What does embracing growth look like for me?

Felicia shared this quote that really stayed with me after the session and now that I’m home and reflecting: “Your mindset is the compass that guides your journey.  Embracing growth over perfection is extremely vital to how you choose to show up for the experience.”  For me, “embracing growth” definitely means re-examining my need for perfection.  I’m a “recovering perfectionist” who has to work to keep that perfectionism mindset at bay sometimes, so this topic was especially impactful for me.  

Grace and Self-Compassion

Next, we heard from Black Woman Leading Coach Karma Hill, whose topic was “Giving Grace: Self-Compassion Skills to Support your Wellness.”  Karma shared two quotes to get us thinking about the topic of grace and compassion:

• “Self-compassion involves directing sensitivity inwardly to our own experience of suffering along with a deep desire to alleviate the suffering.”  (Kristen Neff)
• “Self-compassion is simply giving the same kindness to ourselves that we would give to others.” (Christopher Germer)

We learned that self-compassion is not self-pity, self-indulgence, making excuses, being passive or complacent.  Rather, self-compassion is about self-kindness versus self-judgment; a sense of common humanity versus isolation; and mindfulness versus over-identification when confronting painful self-relevant thoughts and emotions.  We even took the time for a Tender Self Compassion Break so we can practice that for ourselves to take forward after our time together.  Karma reminded us that: All humans are imperfect; we deserve kindness; and we all have life challenges and need to give ourselves grace.

Wrapping Up and Keeping the Momentum Going

Black Woman Leading founder Laura Knights closed the conference and retreat reminding us of our intentions that we created on Day 1 and the action steps that we have been creating through the conference.

As the conference closed we were reminded “I am everything I want to be. I have everything I need.” via this song.  Laura also told us not to forget to schedule an “appointment” with ourselves within the next two weeks to work on our actions.  No matter how informative and inspiring a conference or retreat may be, it’s so easy to get caught up in our day to day lives and back to “business as usual” when we get home—I’ve been guilty of this myself in the past, so I really needed this reminder to intentionally set aside time in the next few weeks to tackle the action steps I committed to at the retreat.    

I especially needed to set my “follow-up” appointment because I had barely any time to take a breath post-summit! The very day the Black Woman Leading LIVE conference concluded, I was off to Atlanta for several days to lead coaching trainings at an annual conference for AmeriCorps members that the nonprofit I work for hosts.  I was asked to lead 3 three-hour coaching training sessions, which is really just a “teaser” or introduction to coaching—but I was still a little nervous about preparing all my materials in time and getting back into in-person training after a long pivot to virtual during the pandemic.  

As I was getting prepared for my training on Tuesday, I realized that I didn’t print enough materials so I would need to find somewhere to do some extra printing.  I was really beating myself up about not being fully prepared but as I was walking to the local FedEx Office I saw this mural which has one of my favorite MLK quotes:

Reflecting on the meaning of this quote and all of my experience coming off Black Woman Leading LIVE—especially the sessions about letting go of my pursuit for perfection and giving myself grace—helped calm my nerves and remind me that I’ve trained and practiced for delivering exactly this type of training.

Once the training started, that comfort level immediately returned—and it was so great to be back training in person instead of connecting with participants through little Zoom squares on screen!  I led the participants through one of my favorite coaching activities, in which they break into small groups that each come up with an image, word, song title or some other creative way to describe several common service delivery methods—counseling, training, mentoring, and coaching—and to note the ways they differ from one another.

I love this exercise because it not only helps participants understand how coaching is unique from counseling, training, and mentoring, but I get to see so many different forms of creativity!  We had some groups share songs which they shared on their phone. We had some groups who had artists in their group, so they drew images.  We had a few skits—for example, one group acted out a scene where everyone was in an elevator together with someone and the elevator got stuck.  One person in the elevator acted out having a panic attack and each of the other group members assisted the person as a counselor, trainer, mentor, or coach would do.  The exercise allows individuals to think about how these roles have some similarities, but they are also some distinct things as well.  (I’ll share more about those similarities and differences in a future blog post!)

In addition to the excitement of this conference being back in person for the first time since 2019, for the first time the audience included not only AmeriCorps members but interns from my employer’s internship program for HBCU (Historically Black Colleges & Universities) students. Being an HBCU alum myself and having built a two decade-plus career in the nonprofit and community economic development industries, it was especially meaningful to me to have this opportunity to connect with the next generation of emerging leaders.    

Staying Connected

As you might have picked up from reading my blog posts this month, Black Woman Leading—both the live conference + retreat and the leadership program—have been transformative for me, both personally and professionally.  If you’re a Black woman, here are some great ways that you can connect with the Black Woman Leading Community:    

• Listen to the Podcast
• Join the interest list for next year’s Retreat & Conference
• Check out the programs for early career, mid-career and executives. 
• Follow Black Woman Leading on social media

For the rest of my readers, I invite you to listen to the Podcast and share information about Black Woman Leading with Black women family, friends, or colleagues in your lives.

Inspired by all of the wisdom about self-compassion and self-care that I learned at Black Woman Leading LIVE, I’ll be taking a break from posting next Thursday to give myself some time to unwind and tackle some of those action items from the summit.  But I’ll be back with a new blog series in July and look forward to reconnecting with you then!    

Leveling Up in Our Careers

Day Two of the conference had a thought-provoking and productive start, as Black Women Leading founder Laura Knights led us through a morning session focused on our next level career growth strategy.  Laura structured the agenda so that this was a working session guided by a worksheet for us to complete and a guided set of discussion topics.  We first examined our “current state” in our career and shared about our “vision state” and the things it might take to get there.  With our table-mates, we talked about our current strengths, our “gaps,” and skills we needed to develop to get to the next level in our careers.  The worksheet also helped walk us through an inventory of the relationships and resources we need to move close to that vision state.

Some of the questions that I wrote for further exploration for myself: Am I pushing myself?  Is this really what I want to do?  Am I being safe? Am I sitting in comfort?  I’ve definitely taken my career to new levels over the past couple of years—with moving into a more senior leadership role and my full-time job, launching my business, and tackling my longtime goal of pursuing ICF coaching certification —but I still think it’s important to take time to reflect, with intention, on what I want that next “next level” to look like, and to set new goals as I achieve my current ones.

Living Better through Better Sleep Habits

Then we got to hear from Dr. Angela Holliday-Bell whose session was called “Sleep Better to Live Better:  How to Elevate Your Life Through Better Sleep.”  Dr. Holliday-Bell shared seven tips for how to start doing this:

1. Prioritize sleep
2. Learn your sleep need to function optimally.  (Some of us need more sleep than others in order to feel healthy and well-rested.)
3. Start your day with sleep in mind
4. Manage daily stress and anxiety
5. Create a soothing bedroom and bedtime routine
6. Protect your relationship between your bed and sleep
7. Don’t be afraid to ask for help

This session spoke to me in so many ways!  I’m fortunate that I don’t often have trouble sleeping, but some of these tips (especially #4 on managing stress and anxiety!) are ongoing things I need to work on.  And I’d never really thought much about sleep as something that’s essential for us to protect and prioritize, so Dr. Holliday-Bell really got me thinking about how important it is to be intentional about sleep and rest.  I know that I can work to implement some of these practices to function more optimally in order to live better.

Another High-Energy Afternoon

After lunch we got a special performance by Tarrey Torae whom I had never heard of before but I’m looking forward to listening to more of her music.  She even did a mini lesson on stepping and had everyone up out of their seats learning how to step—another great example of ways that the conference organizers came up with to pull us out of that typical post-lunch energy slump! 

The afternoon continued with a panel of the Black Women Leading Coaches and there were sooo many gems dropped that I’d run out of room if I shared them all, but some of the most impactful ones that I wrote down were about boundaries and wellness.  The panel talked about how setting boundaries is really about teaching people how to treat you; setting, communicating, and upholding boundaries; and holding yourself accountable for maintaining those boundaries.  That can be tough to do, but we were reminded how important it is to be consistent in enforcing boundaries and not to waver—because ultimately, we won’t reach the level of success we aspire to without setting firm and clear boundaries.  Like many of us, I’ve sometimes struggled to set boundaries or say “no” to things in the past.  The panel reminded us to stop apologizing for your boundaries and that we don’t have to apologize for taking care of ourselves.

After discussing boundaries as a form of self-care, the panel shared other ways that we can look after our wellness, such as taking time to rest—and not only taking time, but intentionally scheduling those rest breaks so that we can be sure we take them!  This resonated with me because in the past I’ve sometimes caught myself falling into a pattern where I keep meaning to take time off, but then something always comes up that gets in the way or makes me think I should postpone my break to take care of whatever thing that popped up that seems more urgent or important.  I was grateful for the reminder from the panel that we deserve to take care of ourselves and as one panelist said “we are worthy of pampering ourselves!” and need to give ourselves permission to do so.  Everyone emphasized the wellness is a lifestyle and a practice. I came out of that session feeling re-committed to prioritizing my wellness and well-building and I’ve been using the phrase “I will chose self-care for myself” as an occasional mantra these last few weeks.

Knowing Our Value

Turning back to career considerations, our next session was Salary Negotiation with Lenna Turner.  This is a topic that is SO important for women and for Black women in particular as well as other women of color.  It also resonates personally with me because—perhaps like many of you have experienced as well—I’ve been in positions over the course of my career where I realized that I was being underpaid and undervalued and wished that I’d been more assertive in my salary negotiations in hindsight.  Of course, it’s hard because as women we’re often socialized to be nice, agreeable, non-confrontational, etc.; to be grateful for a job offer we’re given and worried about coming across as “greedy” for asking for more money.  Pay discrimination is also very real.  Employers and policymakers bear the primary responsibility to end it, but while we’re collectively worked toward this broader systems change, Lenna shared some great tips to help us raise our voices in the salary negotiation process. The core principle that Lenna shared is “Know Your Value,” and from that, take steps to convince your boss of your ”value contribution.”  Be prepared as you head into a salary negotiation, use specific examples, connect the dots between your accomplishments and skills and the value of your work, be confident, and be open to feedback.  While I’ve improved in my salary negotiation skills over the years, I’ll definitely be channeling some of Lenna’s advice when it’s time for my next compensation discussion with my boss. (These principles are also helpful to me in thinking through how I price my own services in my business.)

Making the Most of that Salary (or Business Revenue)

Our final session of the day was “You Earned It, Now Protect It: Financial Management Strategies” with Nikki Tucker.  Now, I thought I was doing an okay job with my finances.  I’ve learned a lot over the years, and I’ve also developed quite a bit of expertise in personal finance and financial coaching through my day job in the nonprofit sector.  But this session gave me some great new ideas!  To be honest, I was even a little overwhelmed at first—Nikki gave us a list of about 15 “to-dos” for our finances but also encouraged us to give ourselves “permission” to take only what we need.  I’m not going to try and be an overachiever and tackle all those 15 things, I’m going to take them one by one and over a reasonable time frame.

Nikki started by letting us know “we can’t protect what we are not aware of”; in other words, the first step (even though it might be a little scary) was taking stock and taking an honest look at where we are with our finances.  She gave us a “You Earned It Worksheet” to use during the session and for follow-up after the session.  It was broken in the following categories:

• Security
• Credit
• Assets
• Love/Marriage/Divorce

And the session ended with an “organizational pulse check” (kind of like a quiz) which I got 80% on–but who’s counting. (I can be competitive with myself but have to remember that it’s not a bad thing that I still have room to learn and grow! )

Winding Down

After another incredible day of conference sessions, dinner on Day Two was on our own.  While I had so much fun turning it up with the other conference-goers at our dinner cruise the night before, it was also nice to have some quiet time to myself to unwind.  I took time before dinner to go to the beach and take a few pics.  Then I laid out my towel, turned on my praise & worship music and just reflected on the past two days of the conference.  Taking the “rest,” “wellness,” and “self-care” themes from the session earlier in the afternoon to heart, I used this as my time to relax by the beach, hear from God a bit and just listen to the waves.  Wherever you are in the world—beach or no—and whatever wellness and self-care mean to you, I hope you too can find some time this week to relax and reflect.