In keeping with Thanksgiving and with November being National Gratitude Month, I wrote earlier this month about the healing power of gratitude and expressing gratitude.  To close out November, though, I decided to do something a little different: share my personal testimony of gratitude.  I’ll be honest, writing this takes me a little bit out of my comfort zone! If you’re a regular reader of my blog, you’ll know that while I sometimes share a few brief examples of how each week’s blog theme resonates with me, I haven’t written extensively about my life for two main reasons:  I tend to be a private person; but more so, I also never wanted this blog to center around me but rather to be a resource for you, my readers, and share advice and tips that you find helpful and can take into your own lives.  For that reason, I debated whether or not to share my story, but finally decided it was worth writing about here because my goal is to provide inspiration and hope to others by sharing. Also, I realized that I often encourage my clients and readers to celebrate the “wins” in their lives—so maybe I should take my own advice too, every now and then!

So, here’s my win: only a couple of weeks before Thanksgiving (talk about good timing for gratitude!), I received a letter with news that I was not expecting, at least not for a number of years. The letter was from MOHELA, my student loan servicer, informing me that all of my student loans had been completely forgiven! I could hardly believe my eyes, so much so that I called my sister on video and asked her to read it to make sure I was reading it correctly.  And then I had to thank God as this is something that I have been praying about for YEARS!!!

But let me pause for a minute and share some more background with you.  For decades, I’d been one of the 43.6 million borrowers in the U.S. with student loan debt.  I probably don’t have to convince any of my readers that we’re in a student debt crisis in America, but to put another staggering figure to the problem, according to recent data, this student loan debt totals $1.766 trillion (yes, that’s trillion).  The average federal student loan balance is $37,718; and the average borrower takes 20 years to repay their debt and accrues an average of an additional $27,000 in interest over the life of their student loan. 

Of course, I didn’t know any of this when I was taking out my first student loans to pay for college all those years ago, and I didn’t know that these averages—troubling as they are—don’t even fully capture the magnitude of the debt crisis, and the disproportionate impact of student debt on students and borrowers of color.  Research has documented that “racial disparities throughout the student loan lifecycle begin long before a promissory note is signed or even before the financial aid award letter arrives”: longstanding and persistent racial wealth gaps mean that Black and Latinx families on average have less wealth than white households and therefore tend to have fewer resources available for a parent contribution to higher education and are more likely to need to take on student debt. After graduation, racial income gaps and persistent inequity and discrimination disproportionately hamper borrowers of color’s ability to repay their student loans.

Even if I didn’t know all of the statistics and the broader context of inequity underpinning the student debt crisis when I was pursuing my degree, I felt the burden acutely as I took out student loans first for my bachelor’s degree—which I saw as a necessary pathway to a stable, family-supporting career—and later for graduate education that many employers in my field at that time deemed essential for growing into higher-level positions.  (I should note here: I love education and I’m proud of the degrees I earned, but I’m also encouraged to see greater awareness these days of living-wage career opportunities that don’t necessarily require a four-year degree. And I’m happy to see more employers embracing a “skills-based hiring” approach that focuses on practical skills and experience gained and doesn’t unilaterally or arbitrarily exclude workers who don’t have a college degree.)   

I wouldn’t trade my college and graduate school experiences for anything, but that doesn’t mean the student loans weren’t a heavy burden on me as I continued to build my career. Two bright spots emerged, though, the first in 2007 when the federal government created the Public Service Loan Forgiveness (PSLF) program, which allowed borrowers with certain types of federal loans who were working in nonprofit or government to potentially qualify for student loan forgiveness after making 120 student loan payments (or a total of 10 years’ worth of payments).  This was exciting to me, since my growing career was in the nonprofit sector—but still, 10 years seemed very far away, and to be completely transparent, there were times when I couldn’t make my monthly student loan payments and I was in deferment or forbearance.  PSLF was a light at the end of the tunnel to me, for sure, but the tunnel still seemed endless!

Fast-forward to 2022, when thanks to interest accruing and some of my past periods of deferment or forbearance, my student loans were still very much weighing on me. In fact, it felt like I had barely made a dent in the balance!  By this time, PSLF had been around for over 10 years and more eligible borrowers were reaching the threshold where they qualified for forgiveness. I started seeing more and more jubilant posts on social media from Individuals getting their loan forgiveness notifications and I celebrated them—but I can’t lie, I was a little envious too (then I remind myself that what God has for me is for me)! Even though I’d been employed at nonprofit organizations all that time and I knew I’d made some payments on my loans, I still thought I was years away from my own loan forgiveness date.  

Then, the second bright spot emerged: I heard about the special PSLF waiver opportunity that the federal government had announced in 2021, with a deadline to apply for the waiver by October 31, 2022. I’d heard bits and pieces about the PSLF waiver here and there, but I hadn’t paid much attention until shortly before the deadline. Honestly, the information was confusing, and I was discouraged enough by the weight of my loans at that point that I didn’t really understand what the waiver applied to and I’d convinced myself I probably wouldn’t benefit anyway. (The limited PSLF waiver allowed borrowers to potentially receive credit toward the 120 payments for past periods of repayment that otherwise wouldn’t qualify.)

Then a phone call from a former colleague changed everything. I hadn’t talked to this former colleague in a long time, but she was applying for the PSLF waiver herself and had actually called to ask if I had any advice about how to get records to certify her employment at the nonprofit organization where we’d both formerly worked that had since shut down.  “Jen,” she told me, “you have to submit your PSLF waiver form, it’s so important! Even if you think your loans won’t be eligible, you need to at least try—you never know!” 

Her encouragement got me in gear, though the process wasn’t easy. I had to fill out the form, get my nonprofit employment certified by my current employer (who thankfully, was very responsive!), and then fax it to MOHELA, which was the student loan servicer in charge of processing PSLF waiver applications.  I can’t even remember the last time I’d sent a fax and because I was traveling for work I was frantically searching for free online fax options pretty much right up until the October 31 deadline, but I got my form in. And then I waited…and waited…and waited…only to get a response back in February stating that my form was incomplete because it had my digital signature instead of a “wet” (signed in ink) signature. I was so discouraged! The correspondence wasn’t clear on whether I could resubmit my form or whether this meant I’d missed the deadline entirely—but I resolved not to give up.  I re-signed the PSLF waiver form in ink and then re-sent it to MOHELA, again figuring that I at least needed to try.

So many little barriers popped up along the way to applying for student loan forgiveness (including an initial letter in the spring from MOHELA stating that my loans didn’t qualify for the PSLF waiver), but I didn’t let them derail me.  Finally, a couple of weeks before Thanksgiving, I got that life-changing message that my student loans had in fact been forgiven under PSLF! Honestly, I’m still on cloud nine about this news, and thinking about the impact it will have on my budget and on opportunities for wealth-building (not just for myself, but to leave a legacy for my daughters and goddaughter). That almost $800 per month that would have continued to go to student loan payments might just be the difference that allows me to invest in homeownership, increase my retirement savings and/or start investing, and that’s incredibly powerful and transformative.

I’m also reflecting back on Candace Junee’s Go Getter Retreat that I attended early December last year. She asked us to write down 23 “Dream Big Statements” and I remember that exercise so clearly; getting free of my student loans was one of those statements that I wrote down. I specifically wrote “I believe that my student loans will be paid in full in the next 10 years”. It’s an incredible feeling to reach that goal so much sooner than I even dreamed! It’s a reminder to myself—and all of us—to dream big and not let those bumps in the road derail us! I’m grateful for my colleague who encouraged me to send in the PSLF waiver form and for the student loan policies that made PSLF possible.  And I’m grateful to you, my readers, for letting me share my story in this space. What are you grateful for this November and what big dreams are you determined to pursue?

As I close today’s blog post I want to share this worship song that has been a blessing for me and hopefully it will be something that will carry you through the end of this year and into 2024 – God Problems by Maverick City Music.

I’ll be back on Thursday, December 14^th for my final post of 2023. 

Being Thankful During Hard Times

Practicing daily gratitude can help you to develop a more positive mindset. This in turn helps you to identify solutions to any problems you might be facing. It’s easy to be thankful when things are going great. However, it becomes much more of a challenge when you are going through tough times. If you are struggling to feel thankful right now, there are some great tips you can follow:

• Start a gratitude list. One of the best ways to build up a more grateful mindset is to start a gratitude list. Each day, write down 3-5 things that you are grateful for. It could be something great that happened that day, or something you are looking forward to. If nothing good has happened, list the basics. It could be that you are grateful to have a roof over your head, or food on the table. You may need to dig deep some days to find something you are grateful for.
• Utilize the pay it forward movement. Often, we feel a lot more grateful in life when we take the time to help others. The pay it forward movement is a great way to develop gratitude during difficult times. “Pay it forward means” to do something small for someone. They then do something small for other people, and the cycle continues. When we do something nice for someone, it automatically makes us feel happier. It also shows you that there are other people going through a tough time. By doing something nice for others, it will help you to feel more grateful about your own life.
• Practice kindness. Practicing kindness is another way to be thankful during tough times. When we do nice things for others, it makes us feel better about ourselves. It also helps to show us that there are people worse off than we are. Look for local charities you could support or do something nice for a neighbor. The more kindness you practice, the more thankful and happier you’ll become.

Why Gratitude is So Hard

If you find it hard to show or feel gratitude, you certainly aren’t alone! While it may produce a ton of benefits, gratitude isn’t something that comes naturally to most people. There are several reasons why some people find gratitude harder than others. One of the things that can make gratitude feel hard is that it can take time to really internalize the benefits of gratitude. When you start practicing gratitude, you aren’t necessarily going to experience instant results. In fact, it can take a couple of weeks to start seeing the benefits of your daily gratitude practice. Many people simply give up due to failing to see results early on. So, you are going to need to push through and trust that results are coming.

Another potential obstacle to gratitude is time constraints. You may feel you don’t have the time to dedicate to being more thankful. However, did you know it can take as little as 10-15 minutes each day to build up a more grateful mindset? These are some of the main reasons why gratitude is so hard for some people. If you are struggling, it could be down to things that aren’t within your control. However, that doesn’t mean you can’t work on building up your gratitude muscle. There are lots of ways you can become more grateful and incorporate gratitude into your life. 

How to Be More Grateful

You don’t need to have a natural affinity for gratitude. There are lots of ways you can develop a more grateful mindset if it doesn’t come naturally to you.  As we are all different, you’ll find what works for someone else may not work for you. To get you started on your gratitude journey, let’s look at some of the most effective tips you can follow…

• Add gratitude to your daily routine. If you want to reap the benefits of gratitude, you are going to need to add it into your daily life. That means fitting it into your daily routine. Many people prefer to practice gratitude first thing in the morning. When you are enjoying your cup of coffee, grab your journal and write a list of the things you are grateful for. Alternatively, you can also do this last thing at night before you go to bed.  When you add gratitude into your daily routine, it soon becomes a habit just like brushing your teeth.
• Embrace challenges and tough times. It is more difficult to practice gratitude when you are going through a tough time. However, pushing through and focusing on the things you are grateful for can help you to better deal with difficult situations. A good tip is to embrace the challenges and tough times. Look at what the situation is teaching you and any positive things you can take from it. In some situations, such as losing a loved one, showing gratitude is particularly tough. However, you can focus on how they would want you to feel. Would your lost loved one want you feeling constantly sad or would they want you to live life as best you can? Embracing challenges isn’t always easy. I lost my mother in 2014 and that was a particularly tough time for me to practice gratitude but as those moments of sadness come to the surface I remember to be grateful for the time that I did have with my mother, I remember to be grateful that I had a mother and that she was a positive influence in my life and that my daughters had their grandmother in their life. 
• Practice mindfulness. Mindfulness has become one of the most important tools for gratitude. Whether you prefer meditation, journaling, yoga, prayer, or another type of reflection-oriented mental or physical practice, it can help you to develop a more grateful mindset. Nothing can beat the relaxing feeling you get from practicing mindfulness on a daily basis. When the mind is calm and relaxed, you will find it much easier to become a more thankful person.
• Be thankful for the small things. You don’t have to wait for big events to be thankful. Practicing gratitude means being grateful for everything in your life, including the small things. So, when you are writing your gratitude list, don’t forget to include the small stuff such as you got out of bed in the morning, or you managed to smile during a difficult time.  When you start to focus on the small things you are grateful for, your brain will start to look for the positive in everything.
• Express your gratitude to others. Gratitude isn’t just about you. To develop a more grateful mindset, you need to express your gratitude to others too. Remind the people you love why they are important to you. Write a letter to somebody who helped you and show appreciation when something is done for you. When you express gratitude to other people, it helps to make them feel appreciated, strengthening your relationships.  

How to Feel Gratitude Without Feeling Guilty

One of the main issues many people have with gratitude is the guilt that can come with it. You may find it hard to enjoy a sense of gratitude if you know somebody else is going through a tough time. Or perhaps you have lost somebody close to you and it feels wrong to feel grateful or happy. If you are struggling to feel gratitude without feeling guilty, here you’ll discover some good tips to follow… 

• Remember that you are worthy.  If your guilt comes from feeling like you don’t deserve happiness, it may be helpful for you to work on your mindset. It is important to remember that like everyone else, you are worthy of happiness. When you feel guilty for being happy, it could point to low self-esteem. By working on how you feel about yourself, you will start to realize that gratitude isn’t selfish. It is a necessity for living a happy, healthy life. You are worthy, and you need to consistently remind yourself of that.
• Accept you cannot change someone else’s situation.  If you know somebody going through a difficult time, counting your blessings may feel wrong. However, this just shows how much empathy you have. The truth is you cannot always change somebody else’s situation. The reason they are going through tough times is down to the decisions and circumstances of their own life. Just because somebody you know is going through a tough time, doesn’t mean you don’t deserve to be happy. In fact, by practicing gratitude, it can help you to be a better source of support. You will be able to identify opportunities and solutions easier than they can.
• Giving gratitude isn’t just about you.  A common reason you may feel guilty about practicing gratitude is because you feel it’s selfish. Focusing on all of the things that you have can feel materialistic and even narcissistic in some cases. However, the truth is real gratitude isn’t about you. When you practice gratitude, it helps those around you too. You become a more positive, happier person to be around. You also express gratitude to others, helping them to feel more appreciated.  Adding daily gratitude to your life isn’t selfish. It is a great tool for strengthening relationships and making others feel good too.
• Write a gratitude letter.  Following on from the last point, if gratitude feels selfish to you, focus it onto somebody else. Writing a gratitude letter can help you to feel more positive. You’ll feel good that you are making somebody else feel happier. Think about how you would feel if you received a gratitude letter from somebody. By showing others how thankful you are, you’ll feel much less guilty about adding gratitude to your daily life.

Gratitude and guilt do often go hand in hand. However, you’ll find over time that guilt will fade. This is especially true if you focus on the tips above.

As I was putting this blog post together, it really called to mind a time in my life when I struggled with gratitude, for many of the reasons that I wrote about above.  Back when my daughters were in middle school, I was working full-time (and traveling frequently for work), going to school, and trying to parent as a single mom to the best of my abilities.  It was often overwhelming and felt like a daily struggle–but prayer and keeping a gratitude journal (even if I wasn’t able to write in it every day) were so helpful to guiding me through those tough times. I’ll be honest, it wasn’t always easy and there were days when writing in my gratitude journal didn’t magically or instantly make me feel better.  But I kept at it, and overall, these practices improved my outlook and carried me through one of the more stressful periods of my life. What gratitude practices keep you going in difficult times? Feel free to share in the comments, and you just may inspire someone else who’s facing similar difficulties to find strength in gratitude!