Putting Self-Care on the Calendar

More times than not everyone has the excuse of not having enough time to do something, especially when it comes to self-care. Everyday life is full of activities including eight or more hours of work, childcare, school, church, community activities and more. Plus, you still need to balance your relationships, too.

It may seem impossible to take care of yourself while taking care of a full family and keeping up with the house, or while running a business, or working a job, but there is a way to solve this through scheduling and calendaring.  Every day, or at the beginning of each week, sit down and find areas that you can fill in your calendar with some self-care activities. If you can put those things in your calendar first right after your required work schedule, you’ll become even more successful at meeting your self-care goals.  Try to schedule these as early in the day as possible. Schedule everything even if it feels silly. This can include phone calls with your family and friends, a bath, or even a short nap. Once you have it scheduled, stick to it and make it just as important as the rest of your tasks.  You probably wouldn’t overlook something on your calendar if it pertained to work or your family responsibilities, so why do that to yourself?

Remember: you are just as important as anything else in your life. Your overall health affects everything that happens in your daily life, so if you think about self-care as essential to your health, well-being, and ability to be present in your life, self-care is just as important as work and your family.  Make sure you schedule in enough time for each activity so you can fully enjoy it. Don’t rush these activities or you will quickly turn something that’s supposed to release stress, stressful. If you only have a certain amount of time choose your self-care interests wisely. If you only have 10 minutes to spare, only do something that takes 10 minutes and stick to it.

Self-Care Doesn’t Have to Cost Anything

Lots of people get the wrong idea about self-care. They think they have to be deserving of it. They feel like it’s splurging to do something good for yourself.  It can seem extravagant–especially when we often see the concept of “self-care” associated in pop culture or on social media with activities like shopping, vacations, or spa days–but let’s change that mindset! Self-care is something you deserve, no matter what your budget. Everyone does. It benefits us all, along with those around us, when we put our own well-being at the forefront. You can’t take care of others when your own well-being is suffering. Let’s take a look at some free and low-cost ways you can care for yourself:

• Take a Time Out: Sometimes just a little bit of alone time is all you need to feel rejuvenated. So why not give yourself a time out? Lock yourself in your room with a nice cup of tea. Listen to some quiet music. Just sit still and think for a bit. It’s a luxury we all can afford.  In my facilitation and coaching practice, I’m in my element when I’m in front of a room of people leading an inspiring or informative training, for example, or when I’m sitting one-on-one with a coaching client helping them feel excited or proud about setting and achieving their goals. But it’s that quiet reflection time alone with just myself and my thoughts that gives me what I need to recharge for my busy days at my job and running my business.
• Waste Some Time: We often feel pressured to be productive all the time. Being busy is a sign of worth and accomplishment. However, it really doesn’t have to be that way. Just kicking back and doing nothing is important to recharging our batteries. Let yourself have some down time to do something frivolous like binge on your favorite Netflix show, take a nap or just sit and pet your dog or cat, if you have one.
• Do Some Writing: Even if you don’t consider yourself a writer, journaling can be a very therapeutic activity. Jotting down what you’re grateful for has been proven to be beneficial to well-being. It can also be energizing to simply do a brain dump in which you write down all the things that are floating around in your head. Jotting down dreams for the future might inspire and motivate you to take action.
• Reach Out to Someone: Socializing is a crucial part of self-care. Even introverts benefit from interpersonal connection.  (I tend to be introverted, but I still feel energized and renewed when I catch up with friends or family.)  Humans aren’t meant to be isolated. Pick up the phone and call or video chat a friend you haven’t talked with in a while.  Meeting up in person for a walk together or a cup of coffee is even better. Connecting to others might just provide the spark you’ve been missing.
• Change Your Perspective: A change of scenery can be a wonderful source of renewal, and it doesn’t have to cost a lot. Just heading out to walk in your neighborhood might help when you’re feeling stir-crazy in your home. If you’re able to afford it, a low-cost getaway to a nearby location for a day or two is a fun way to switch things up–or try staying fully local and being a “tourist” in your own city or town for a day.  You’ll be surprised what this change of perspective can do for you. 

Don’t Feel Guilty for Practicing Self-Care

We’ve touched on the fact that it’s common to feel guilty for taking time for ourselves. There are a lot of complex reasons for this within our society, and within our individual experiences. Some of us who feel pressure to be “productive” might worry that self-care is time-wasting; others may have been raised in a culture or a family whose values prioritized putting others first (which can be a good and thoughtful thing in some circumstances, but not necessarily at the expense of your needs.) 

• It’s Not Selfish: First and foremost, it’s important to understand that taking time to care for yourself is not selfish in any way. It may be hard to get past the mindset that the needs of others are more important than your own, but overcoming this mindset is essential to allowing yourself to adequately meet your own needs. Care isn’t a zero-sum concept. When you care for yourself, it doesn’t have to mean you don’t care about others.
• It Sets a Good Example: If you’re a parent, investing in self-care is not only good for you, it sets a good example for your kids. Even if you don’t have children, taking the time to care for yourself might be inspiring or motivational for those around you. In order for a stigma to end, it has to be normalized. When more of us let the world around us know why self-care matters, they may begin to change their minds about the concept, as well. I remember when my children were younger and I was earlier in my career, I definitely struggled with carving out both time and money for self-care.  My own self-care took a backseat to their needs and well-being and when I was on a tight budget, I’d feel guilty if I spent money on things for myself instead of for the kids.  But as my kids have gotten older, I’ve tried to make self-care a bigger priority and also model self-care for them so that they know it’s important and hopefully don’t feel some of the same hesitation and guilt that I did.  
• It Demands Respect: It also sets a precedent for how you expect others to treat you. When you demonstrate that you value yourself and that you find worth investing time in yourself, they will respond in kind. Learning to say no and set boundaries is good for your relationships. It teaches others how you expect to be treated and makes it clear that you see yourself as a priority. There’s no reason to feel guilty for that.

Self-care doesn’t always feel easy or come naturally for many of us. Don’t be too hard on yourself if you find it difficult to carve out time or release those lingering feelings of guilt.  It’s like anything else–sometimes it takes practice to become a habit, hopefully some of the tips and support above help you carve out time for self-care no matter your schedule, other obligations, or budget. 

What is Self-Care, Anyway?

You’ve probably noticed that the concept of “self-care” has exploded in popularity and visibility in recent years, whether among your friends and family, in magazines or television shows, or all over social media.  It’s a buzzword for sure–but what exactly is self-care, at its core?  Self-care is the act of taking care of yourself. It is doing exactly what you need to do to feel your best all around. This includes mentally, physically, and emotionally. Each person has their own way to give themselves self-care. This can be anything from quitting your exhausting job, to getting your hair done, or ensuring you have time to read each evening before bed. 

Taking care of yourself should not be overlooked. There are many benefits that result from a self-care routine. If you are not taking care of yourself eventually it can lead to overwhelming stress, lack of confidence, less productivity at work and even cause deteriorating relationships with family and friends.  To really understand self-care, you need to understand yourself first. Ask yourself these questions to gain some clarity:

• What are the things I need to do to feel complete?
• What are things I need to do to feel in tune with myself emotionally or spiritually?  (For example, I find the ocean relaxing and restoring. I don’t get a chance to spend much time there since I live in the Midwest, but when I was at a conference in Florida earlier this year, I took advantage of the opportunity to relax on the beach one evening, listening to praise and worship music and the sound of the waves.)
• What activities help me relieve stress?
• Is there anything I can eliminate from my daily schedule that is preventing me from taking care of myself?

The way you answer these questions determines your self-care needs. Once you have defined your needs your next step is to add it to your schedule and do them to reap the benefits.  Self-care is extremely beneficial for optimal health, productivity, and your relationships.

Self-care is simply doing the things you like to do that helps you feel happy and healthy. There really is no limit to what self-care is because it’s all about what you like doing for yourself and your personality that makes you a better person, parent, spouse, sibling, and friend.  Don’t do things you think you need to do or what others say you need to do. Do what you know you love and want. It doesn’t have to require money or be anything extravagant. Meditating, getting up early for some quiet alone time, praying, reading a book, or going for a walk or jog are some simple ideas.

The Benefits of Self-Care

Neglecting yourself and putting your needs on the back burner can lead to an unhealthy life. Self-care should be a part of everyone’s personal schedule and shouldn’t be overlooked due to time or because someone believes it is selfish. Self-care is essential to having a healthy, productive, and happy life.

Self-care is imperative because it prevents:

• Stress.  Most everyone lives with stress in their daily lives but it’s important to try to manage stress as much as possible. Plenty of medical research shows that stress can cause many negative side effects. This includes headaches, low energy, aches and pain and even insomnia.
• Burnout. Burnout is another form of extreme stress that results in physical and emotional exhaustion, negativity, lack of enjoyment and the feeling of hopelessness. Burnout typically happens when people are overworked or during events that you feel you can’t control. Self-care allows you to take a break from these activities that can result in burnout. Even if it’s a simple one-minute break where you just close your eyes and breathe, it will help reduce this type of stress. 
• Negativity.  Putting everyone else’s needs over your own will turn just about anyone negative. The feeling of not being important and that their needs overpower yours is a horrible feeling. The fact is, the more your needs are met the more others’ needs will be met too. You will experience less bitterness and resentment towards others if you take care of yourself.

Self-care is a very broad term and can honestly mean anything. Self-care can be described by each person differently. To one person it can be about doing anything that is fun and exciting but to the next person it is about being quiet and fully relaxed in the moment and even then, someone else might think it’s a combination of both. Self-care is an individualized plan of activities that will allow you to be mentally, physically and emotionally healthy.

If you haven’t been practicing self-care for a while or at all, it can be overwhelming at first to break it down and know where to start.

• Self-Care First.  Just like health studies have shown exercising first thing in the morning gives the best results the same goes for self-care. Take care of yourself first to start your day off positively. When you get things out of the way you’ll feel accomplished and awesome.
• Schedule Self-Care.  Today people are more productive than ever. But they are also distracted. The best course of action is to schedule the things you want to do for self-care. Schedule that haircut or massage. Schedule a short phone call with friends or family during your break at work. Schedule lunch with friends. If you write it down, you’re more likely to do it.
• Be Attentive.  Be aware of your surroundings as well as yourself. Your environment and knowing what you like and dislike plays a major part in self-care. If you are adding things to your routine that you don’t like and don’t make you happy, look for a way to remove it or make it better.
• Reward Yourself. Self-care shouldn’t only be about rewarding yourself, but it is a great way to get started. It could help you to get some much-needed work done and help you get the care you need. Maybe you know you need to exercise but it’s not something that you really enjoy doing. Start rewarding yourself for doing it so that you get an immediate benefit for something that will only provide long-term results. For example, did you do your exercise every day for a month? Schedule a facial or massage to reward yourself.
• Try Meditation.  Meditation is a great way to clear your mind and help you relax. The goal is to focus on breathing and nothing else. Studies show that meditation and prayer help cut down on stress and improve memory.
• Take Alone Time.  Self-care doesn’t have to be about going and spending a bunch of money or doing exciting activities. Sometimes people just need alone time. Take time away from children and coworkers so that you can rejuvenate and focus on your own thoughts.
• Spend Time with Friends and Family.  Schedule some time with friends and family. Go out to dinner or play board games at their house. Do something different than you usually would do with them also. Make it a date so you have something to look forward to.
• Buy Something. Go buy a new outfit, a pair of hiking boots or a coffee at Starbucks. (Caveat: this is a prime example of how varied and individualized self-care can be. Some of us get a mental mini-boost from buying ourselves a treat; others find shopping to be an exhausting chore or get stressed out by the idea of spending extra money.) If you do enjoy buying the occasional treat as a form of self-care, add it to your budget so you don’t go overboard. It’s okay to splurge every now and then if it makes you feel good and isn’t derailing your financial stability or longer-term financial goals.

Self-care can be simple. All you need to do is figure out what is best for you and do it. One thing that might help you decide what to do is to write down the goals that you have for yourself so that you can ensure that the things you do lead you towards meeting those goals.  (If you need a refresher on goal-setting, I wrote about how to get started setting, refining, and sticking to your goals in my April blog series.)  Having shared all of the above–don’t get me wrong, it isn’t always easy or smooth to carve out time, money, or energy to focus on our self-care! Next week, I’ll share some common obstacles to self-care and tips for overcoming them. Until then, I hope you can find some time in your week for a little self-care for yourself (and I’ll commit to do the same)!